Getting Around It.

Feilding Star, Volume XV, Issue 79, 30 September 1893, Page 5 (Supplement)

Getting Around It.

It used to be the law in California that Justices of the peace had no jurisdiction in cases involving more than &00. Once, says an old Californian, A sued B before n ••squire in the Coast Range for §400. B posted up to the next town and consulted a "limb of the law," S. "We'll go down and throw him out of court on 'no jurisdiction,' " said S. The day for trial came, and B and his attorney were on hand. Just to «cc how far he would go, S let him enter judgment against him and then called his attention to the fact of "no jurisdiction.*' "Ah, yes," said his honor, "Mr. S.. the court has thought of that and discovered a remedy. The court enters judgment against your client for $400 and issiu s two f xecutions for $200 each!" And he did it. An Invitation* A

Too Much. "Willie," said Bob one evening as we were unostentatiously seated upon a friendly lamppost (I think that's how we were seated; anyhow we were seated without any ostcntatiouslyness). "Willie," he repeated meditatively, "we have missed our vocation and ought to take another shot at it.!' "How's that, Bob?"' said I interrogatively. "As long as we are able to run into debt we should be satisfied." "Willie," said Bob very severely, "do not speak in such trifling terms of the greatest American institution in America." Then he added philosophically: "Debt is like a short, interminable hill. It's easy to run down, but you have to walk back." I made a few incandescent remarks to th" effect that I'd rather stay nt the bottom or take the car back. But Bob interrupted me and favored me with one of his superior looks. "Willie, said he theatrically, "I care not for riches." Then in a burst of generosity: "You may have them as long as you lend me an occasional V. But. what Ido want is fame. Now the only way for me to acquire fame is to train my voice and become a singer." "But, Bob," said I. "No. Every singer 19 famous. " "Oh." "Yes. Is not every singer a person of note?" "Yeß, Bob," and I fell lifeless on the cold, hard curbstone.— F. Charles Hoy. A Sign. "Thafc was Mr. Skidds who called on you last nigbt, wasn't it, Amy?'' Amy nodded, and Mabel went on. "I was sure of it." "What made you sure?" "Because when I went into the parlor this morning the two armchairs were in front of the fireplace and just as close to gether as they could be." "Well, I think you are real mean," Amy declared, "but I just know that it was Mr. Spatts who spent Monday evening in your company." "How do you know?" "Oh, I can tell," "I'm sure you didn't find the chairs close together." "No, but I found just one armchair iv front of the fireplace."— William Henry Siviter. What It Was. Detroit has a minister, as have other towns for that matter, who doesn't always preach as short sermons as he might, yet who has many admirers. Tbe other Suuday one of theso took a visitor to church with him. After service he wanted to know the visitor's opinion. ''What do you think of that sermon?" he inquired with considerable pride. "Very good sermon," responded the visitor calmly. "You're right; it was all wool and a yard wide." The visitor sighed just a little. "It wasn't the width I noticed so much," h^e said slowly, "as the length." What It Was. A London newspaper relates tbat a few days ago Queen Victoria was greatly charmed with a piece of music performed by the band playing in public at Osborne and sent one of her attendants to learn the name of the piece. The attendant came back and reported with some embarrassment that it was entitled "Come Where the Booze is Cheaper." A Surprise. First Mature Maiden— Mr. Smith looks quite young and jaunty since his marriage, doesn't he? Second Mature Maiden — Yes, so he does. He looks almost as youug as he did when I refused him. He was 25 then. First Mature Maiden— lndeed! I had no idea he was 50.Skeptical. "They aro going to try the minister for heresy," said Deacon Potterby. "How so?" asked the sinner. " W'y, we had a pound party for his benefit a couple of weeks ago, and what did ho do but have a pair of scales nnd weigh everything that was brought iv." His Opinion. Young Man— l wish your opinion, sir, as to whether your daughter would make me a good wife? Lawyer — No, sir, the wouid not. Five dollars, please. " The New Neighbor*. It was a cause of much coiu-rrn To Mrs. Eustace Gray To lind out who had hired t >in houae That stood across tho way. She watched tho furniture that came. And scrutinized it all, To see if it was requisite That she sbould make a call. But all her doubts were set at rest After tho people came. And Mrs. Gray will never call. Or know her neighbor's names For ono flue day, alas! she saw— Tho memory thrills her yet— A neatly painted sign hung out, "Nice Furnished Rooms to Let."

Saved by His Wit. Although it is a familiar saying that an Irishman is always spoiling for a fight, still there is one kind of lighting to which even the brave sons of Erin are sometimes averse —that is dueling. A story well illustrating this fact has recently come to us. A certain Irishman, having been challenged to fight a duel, accepted the conditions after much persuasion on the part of his friends, who felt confident of his success. His antagonist, a lame man, walked on crutches. When the place for the shooting had been reached, the lame man's seconds asked that he be allowed to lean against a milestone which happened to be there. The privilege was allowed, and the lame man took his Btand. The Irishman and his seconds drew off to the distance agreed upon — 100 feet. Here Pat's courage suddenly failed him, and he shouted to the lame man: "I've a small favor to ask of ye, sor!" "What is it?" asked the cripple. Pat answered, "I tould ye tbot ye might lean agin the mile post, and now I would like the privilege of leanin agin the nixt one." The laughter which followed spoiled everybody's desire for a fight, and the whole party went home without a shot having been fired.Hi» Is'niue. A colored mau once sued a neighbor for damages for the loss of his dog, which his neighbor ha«l killed. The defendant wished to prove that the dog was a worthless cur, for whose destruction' no damages ought to be recovered. The attorney for the defense called one Sam Parker (colored) to tho witness stand, whereupon the following conversation ensued: "Sam, did you know this dog that was killed by Mr. Jones?" "Yes, sah; I war pussoually acquainted wid dat dog." "Well, tell the jury what kind of a dog he was." "He war a big yaller dog.'' "What was he good for?"' "Well, he wouldn't hunt, au he wouldn't do no guard duty. He jes' lay round and ate. Dat m.-.de 'em call 'im wat dey did." "Yes. Well, what did they call him?" "Well, sah, I don't want to hurt yer feelin's, sah, an I is mighty sorry yo' ax me dat, sah, but de fack is dey call 'im 'Lawyer,' sah!"A Sulo. Aspiring Young Author— l have here a few pastels in prose which I venture to think will create a sensation in the literary world. I have tried to throw iuto them the divine afflatus of poetry, tinged with the tragic pathos of human life. Editor of "The Literary Vortex (glancing over the pages) — H'm! Afraid that sort of stuff won't go auy more. Nothin in it in the first place and done to death. Sorry, but— tell you what, though! Suppose you let us print it in our funny column as a burlesque on the prose pastel business! It'll be the sereamiu'est thing we've had in a long time. "What'll you pay?" "Three dollars." "Cash down?" "Yes." "Gimme the money." Her Spotted Dear. Two young ladies were examining the animals at the zoo last Sunday. "Oh, what a beautiful spotted deer!" The other woman bowed her head autl wept. "Why, what is the matter with you now?" "You don't know how it hurts my feelings to have you talk about spotted deer. I once had a spotted dear." "You had?" "Yes. My dear was a train car conduct or. and we were going to get married, bin liie company spotted him, and my dear had lo resign his position, and eve*£ siuce I have to cry whenever I hear anybody talking about a spotted deer."- " *"" Fur Via Own Convenience. A lady in Hong-Kong engaged a Chinese cook. When the Celestial came, among other things she asked his name. "My name," said the Chinaman, smiling, "is Wang Hang Ho." "Oh, I can't remember all that,"' said the lady. "I will call you John." The next morning when John cime up to get his orders he smiled all over, and looking Inquiringly at his mistress asked: "What is your namee?" "My name is Mrs. Melville Langdon." "Me no memble all that." said John. "Chinaman he no savey Missus ZVlembul LjMidon— l call you Tommy." ~ Just the Thing.

M>s. Murray Hill— How hideous Miss Blakely looked in that bonnet I Mrs. Manhattan Beach— l thought it was very becoming. At least the trimming was very appropriate. Mrs. Murray Hill— l didn't notice the trimming. Mrs. Manhattan Beach— The bonnet was trimmed with ivy leaves. Ivy is very appropriate. It only clings to old ruins. A Heavy Smoker. Wife— My dear, I'll have to go and see a doctor. I'm afraid I have the tobacco heart, and it's often fatal. Husband— Good graciousl You don't smoke. Wife— No^but I live under the same roof with you.- " " " The Last Straw. Judge— This dentist says you requested him to pull your tooth, and after he bod done so got out of the chair and knocked him down. Treetop— That's right, but I didn't "roquest" him to ask me if "it hurt," consarn him] What He Hud Teamed. Lady (entering shoo store)— l would like to look at some No. 2's. New Boy (anxious to show his knowledge) -rYes'm. lilost every one looks at No. 2's ***t.

A Wonderful Knowledge. The Single Man— Xo, sir. You might hunt the wide world over, and you wou'd not find a more sensible, reasonable little girl than the one I am going to marry. The Married Man— l guess you haven't known her very long, have you ? The Single Mau— Known her! Why, man, I have been with her constantly for three weeks !- A Correct Inference. "Have a cigar, Gus?" said Hostetter McGinnis to Gus Snobberly, holding out a oocenter. # "No, I thank you. I've given up smoking entirely. It's not healthy," replied Snob berly. "You don't tell me so. Why, when did you get married?" __ *~ Jufit One. Treetop — Da you take fotygrufts here? Artist — Yes, sir. Twelve dollars for a dozen. Treetop— l couldn't bring the hull family. How nnicli'll you tax fer "'ust me? Slie AVas n IVoittnn. "He used to say theie wns nothing too good for her. but ii seems there wes nothing too bad for her eit her." "How so?" "She accepted him. " TliHt It> Trouble Kiiourli. Mr. Bull — Why does tho advance in stocks worry you, Bruin? Mr. Bruin— Because I can't bear theni.