Old Grumble

Feilding Star, Volume XIV, Issue 86, 10 January 1893, Page 2

Old Grumble

Makes thrke Attempts to Improve the State of those in his Employ and Mankind Generally. ♦ • A new year, and with it a new era is about to burst upon us, Mrs Grumble.' 4 Law, Grumble, will it hurt us?' ' Don't be a fool, Mrs Grumble. An era is a period of time, and we are about to enter the grandest period ever recorded in the annals of the world. The claims of labor have at last been acknowledged, the dignity of toil at length understood, and no longer is it thought degrading to have to work for one's living I have always been considered a man of advanced ideas, ma'am so shall take the initiative in this progressive movement and yield to those who are in my employ that which is their due. 1 ' That's right, Grumble, pay them their wages as soon as the work is done, aud don't trouble them to come ever so many times for their money.' 4 Mrs Grumble, the laborer has other claims upon the master more than mere pecuniary compensation. I teel I am responsible for the social, moral, and intellectual status of my employees, so shall endeavour to make their labors as enjoyable as possible. The shearers will be coming to-morrow. Can yon suggest any scheme by which we might afford them amusement while at their work ?' 1 Try music, Grumble, it's soothing, and has been in use these many years in the army along with the cat-o-nine-tails.' 'I am aware it has, but do you think it would act in a wool shed, the music I mean, not the cat-o-nine-tails.' 'Certain sure -of it, Grumble, if it's pious.' ' "Well, I'll try the experiment.' and Grumble went straight to a music repository, where he interviewed the man who ran the show. Meanwhile Mrs Grumble confided to one of the " army " that Grumble was on the morrow going to burst open a fresh hero with music, for .the benefit of those who worked for him and for mankind generally, at the same time dropping a hint that he would be glad to see some of the 41 army " there to assist him. The veteran warrior hastened to the depot, and communicated to the other crimson-garbed men of ma'as and lasses, what he had heard, telling them that Grumble was going to giye at his wool shed on the morrow, a revival, or a tea meeting, or a musical festival, or something of the sort, and that he had requested thair instrumental assistance. The result was that the contingent determined to go en masse to his support. ' Got in stock any contrivance that will turn out a good strong article of music, and is easy to work ?' queried Grumble oi the man of music. 4 Yes, got a second hand organ, will just suit you, I think,' returned the shopman. — 4 Tunes pious ?' questioned Grumble, 4 Quite.' said the man. ' Fitted up with Mendelsolm, Mozart, and Handel.' ' I don't know that I care about the two first appendages,' remarked Grumble, 4 but as I'm not going to work the thing by .steam or horse-power I must have the handle.' 4 Where is the concern ?' The man showed Grumble the instrument, who surveyed it curiously. ' Music strong, sonorous, and sublime '?' Grumble asked. 4lt is,' was the answer. ' Guarantee it to keep to that sort of music, and won't weaken down into into low music-hall stuff such as • Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay' after it has been worked a week or two? 1 'I can,' replied the salesman, ' and in proof of its reliability may say that it was originally the property of a Supreme Court Judge, who was of such a jocular disposition that he could not be serious, do what he would, when sitting on the bench until he procured this organ and had it played to him of a morning before he took his seat. The sobering influence it had on him was marvellous, and ten minutes manipulation of it in all ordinary cases was enough for him to conduct his business with becoming gravity, fifteen when the charge was heavy and protracted.' 'What made him part with it ?' asked the now interested Grumble. The shopman heaved a sigh as he said ' Ha, here is the sad part about it. There occurred a very heavy case (one of forgery) for him to try, so to ensure his retaining the proper solemnity of countenance he ordered the instrument to be played continually iv a room against the wall of which his chair backed and where he could hear it through the partition. Unfortunately the player was unable to see what effect it was having on the Judge, :ind never moderated the tunes in the least, but kept turning away all the time at full power, unconscious that the Judge was affectedly shedding tears during the whole of the trial. At the conclusion the Judge's mind was in such a state that be sentenced the man to be hanged. 1 ' What shameful severity ' exclaimed Grumble. 'It was,' said the shopman, ' and the man he sentenced was highly indignant at it, but it was the last prisoner the Judge ever tried, the organ had shattered his senses, he grew despondent, went melancholy mad and finally died in a lunatic assylum, ' I'll have that organ ' said Grumble at once. * Send it to my house and I'll play xt for a few hours to Mrs Grumble before it goes to the shed.' Whether the effect it produced upon Mrs Grumble was the one Grnmble desired he never disclosed, but it acted on her like a narcotic. First attempt — There was the usual banter, chaff, and noise in the wool shed when Grumble made his appearance in it that morning; but at the first turn of the handle of the organ the jokes stopped and surprise rested on the looks of the men as the notes went rolling through the building, and as its swelling tones continued the shouts sank to whispers until at length even the faint remaining hum was quelled by its resonant peals and silenced the voices of the shearers, leaving nothing to be heard but the tones of that grand instrument blending with the bleats of the sheep and the click of the shears. Hard and assiduously did Grumble work at his organ, and emulated by his example the hands steadily settled down to their work until the noon-tide hour of rest, then Grumble went to his mid-day meal with that air of satisfaction a man feels when he knows he has performed a good action. Scarce had he sat down, however, when a deputation from the shearers waited on him with the request that he would either refrain from playing in the afternoon or give them something livelier, for, said the deputation, although we worked our hardest, and even did without our ' smoke-ho,' we never reached anything like our usual tally, owing to the slow* ness of the tunes which our strokes would adopt themselves to. Grumble was inwardly dis>spirited at tbe ingrati* tude the men showed, but promised to rectify it. In the afternoon Grumble commenced Mozart at about seven revolutions a minute, but finding he could not sustain that pace began to slacken off, when, immediately, cries oi ' Quicker! Quicker !' from all parts of the slied, as* sailed his ears; so, throwing off his coat, he went at it again, but again exhaustion compelled him to move slower, and aeain arose tbe shouts of ' Faster .' Faster!' Then off went more of Grumble's clothes, and his exertions renewed, but not tor long, his condition told against him, and again he began to fall off in the velocity of his rotations. It was hard work inaking a jig out of Mendelsohn, but the men were still clamouring, and throwing off his last remaining garment, and stnuding as scantily draped as a Grecian statue, he made one supreme effort to satisfy the uudience, but Handel was fiot to be urged into hornpipe speed, and with a sharp snapping noise the works of the great composer collapsed, and the organ for a time became mute. Grumble, boping that the instrument would right itself, still turned, only to elicit a succession of groans aud squeaks, and one by one the men turned pale and threw down their shears, while oue of them —

more sensitiye than the rest— rolled with his hand on his stomach in agony on the floor, declaring that it was worse than cholera. Then Grumble, in his wrath, raised the instrument on high and shied it into the rornei* following it up and kicking it with his boot (almost the only article of apparel he had on), and aftervrards sitting down upon it gloomily meditating upon the failure of his scheme. Suddenly he raised his head— there was a sound of martial melody borne upon the air. He lihed np his eyes, and behold a strong contingent of soldiery, attended by their vivandieres, in picturesque attire, coming t< ward the shed. Then Grumble groaned in the anguish of his spirit, and said : ' Aiy soul is vexed that I cannot go out to meet them. Where shall I flee ?' Then he hurriedly snatched up his garments, and, thrusting them under his arm, he leapt into the wool press, where he hid himself in fear and trembling, while on came the banners flowing, on came the warriors in crimson array, and on came the lasses — the irrestabie lasses — trippingly marching to the rendezvous, where they halted And Grumble let them halt until he was ready to receive them. (To be continued.)