"Old Grumble" on La Grippe and the Remedy

Feilding Star, Volume XI, Issue 132, 1 May 1890, Page 3

"Old Grumble" on La Grippe and the Remedy

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The' \w»ld -ere now has been startled into afrigirt fry a maggot ;; and the uaci-obe •of La Orippe at the present time is alarming it {t-tiew. There appears to have been « visitation of it in A.D. 1563. I did not have it then, Mrs -Grumble ; nor should I fear it now if it had but come under its old familiar name of influenza, but as La Grippe I do fear it. 3&e very sound is provocative of titilatioa -of the nostrils; and heads become swollen, and eyes grow watery* atthe bars mention of the wort. Is there no remedy for it?. Yes, to be *wathed in a wet sheet and to 'drink cdld water until one feels as ready to burst as an American reservoir. ' Gonitbrtable that, for those who do not aspire to become champion feather weights ; stay, there is yet another, but is the accursed alcohol. Still, abhorent as it is, that is' the remedy I should fly to if the disease seized me. And convinced' that such a desparate circumstance would be sufficient excuse for -the act, Grumble strolled out, when, meeting Smith looking ill he asked what ailed him. Smith was about to make and had «aid , "La," when his head flew back between his shoulders, to 'be propelled instantly forward amid the resounding " Ah-tish-shas" of nasal artillery and not till these had ceased could he groan out the remaining word, and gasp •out " Grippe." Pity and indignation that -suffering such as this should be caused ■through the apathetic disregard of the nations health by our legislators roused -Grumble's ire, and he sought ■'one out. "" Are you a. patriot ?" he asked of him in tones of censure. " I am," said he, who held a portfolio in the ministry. M And it was irue patriotism that led you to «ome forward three years ago and plead -j for a seat in the house, and not mere frothy eloquence that subsided as soon as i the billet was secured?" "Patriotism jaure and unadulterated," returned the -legislator, placing bis hand upon bis breast. ""And you have about the same amount of it still .burning within you?" " About,., the same." M Then why, in the name of ; (Grumble in his rage could not think of any. other creature to invoke) didn't you and the rest of the Cabii « , when you knew this La Grippe was approaching; go out and meet it in mid «eas; catch it there, and having caught it, thrown yourselves overboard ; by so doing you would have rid the •country of two ev3«; : car Jed the thanks of a grateful •couatry, and gone down in a sea of glory.". "The -paths of .glory lead but to the grave" remarked the le^i.-lator. Then he-said " I will tell you, Mr Grumble, why we did not do so — we wanted La Grippe to come." The assertion laid Grumble speechless with astonishment. "At any other time,'* the legislator went on, *' it would have been a calamity, but at th« present moment La Grippe comes upon us as a blessing, for hordes of would-be M.H.R.s will be shortly springing up and every platform be resounding with their orations, think 4hen how La Grippe will thin out .the ranks of these damourers, and how it will lead to a survival of the fittest." "I presume .you will have a smart attack then," Grumble sarcastically interposed. ■*' By no means," re.u:ned the minister, ■" I have a certain specific which I take ; let me offer you a draught," and he handed "Grumble the bottle, "It isn't whiskey is it" asked Grumble . cautiously before tasting it. " Certainly not," responded the legislator, " It is the ex^udations of .Benjamin Nevis." " What !" ejaculated Grumble, as he swallowed a glass full, and found it warm, pleasant, and stimulating, and as he saw the bottle was labelle' ""The dew off Ben Nevis," myet^ed a<t the remarkable product be mused must perspire a lot 1 tie •does," returned the minister, "you ■should procure a boocle to keep by you m ■case of this La Grippe attacking you." ■" I will," said Grumble, and. th^ interview ending, he secured a bottle 1 of the elixir «nd hastened uoine withitir |Mrs Grnmlla was enraptured, and it being lodge' night of the " Matronly Order 'of Inflexible Abstainers," she repaired thither with the precious preventive, stowed carefully in her reticule, which, after the business of the evening was over, she produced, discanting upon its merits as told to her by Orumble; where it was tested by the whole of the matronly order and unanimously pronouncea good, and who afterwards drew their chairs around the fire, •and diluted with hot water and sweetened with a lump of sugar to which was added •a slice of lemon, sipped the specific, while, they blessed the' beneficent providence that had placed so mysteriously in their hands a means of combating the disease, -without compelling them to have recourse to whiskey; and the matronly order there, and then agreed to use their combined interest in returning again to Parliament that member who had done so much for «obriety. And the matronly order also returned a hearty vote of thanks to Old 'Grumble, The rose, by any other name would «mell as sweet-; but whiskey goeß down •wester for the change.

(Fvr continuation of Reading Matter see I fourth rpaqt.) . I