Old Grunble on Cricketing: Married v. Single

Feilding Star, Volume X, Issue 62, 1 November 1888, Page 3

Old Grunble on Cricketing: Married v. Single

■* Do I look like an anin>aj that could lay a "duck's egg," Mrs Grumble? At this unexpected aud strtfhge question, Mrs Grumble's spectacles rise of their awn volition from oft their wonted place: her nose/ and station themselves upon the middle of hertforehead, where they stand glistening With wonderment, as she says : " Law, no, ■Grumble, whatever made you think j you could?" "I did'nfc sajr Icould, but I have been told %, I made one," and I believe that is about the same thing. You must know I have been playing in a cricket match- 1 -" Married v. Single." Which beat? you ask. Why we should, only the "Single" side kept on running so. The skipjacks, Mrs G t Bachelors, like fleas, are not to be caught but by woman ; she does it naturally, and she, after capturing them — both insects and man alike — proceeds to squeeze them between her thumbs Until all semblance of their former fullness is pressed out, and their is nought* left to teli of their lively past but an empty frame — the form is there, but what else ? Nothing, absolutely nothing, madam. However, there is one consolation — they will be sore enough to-morrow. Doyou know, my dear, I begin to feel a little stiff myself. What! you expect as much;. you think lam not so young as I was, and that youth and elasticity depart together. Thank jou, but ybu need not be always re* ferring to my increasing years. I dare say I shall outlive you, so don't indulge too much in the pleasure of thinking how nice jou will look in * i Widow's weeds." As for my elasticity, if you had seen how the ball rebounded from my stomach, after .striking me instead of my bat, it would have convinced you that at least one part of your aged husband still remained elastic I thought I was «hot, andi doubled up accordingly with a snap similar to that of a pocket knife, and to complete my discomfiture the unsympathetic wretches, heedless of my injuries, declared me "out," because 1 got before the wicket, as though I could help it. My opinion is, Mrs G., that we are retrograding in civilization,, and that we show it in our pastimes, into which is now infused that savage spirit which Stirred the hearts of those who competed in .the ancient Isthmean games. I might . tell you. that when I got upon the ground, as I was early, I proceeded to <erect the wickets (as I thought) by -sticking my walking stick in the ground, having dove which I divested juyself of my coat and waistcoat hanging them upon it, and. making a very seat wicket, when Scroggs, carrying a bundle of sticks, came forward and 'unceremoniously kicked my erection < .aside, driving in three of the sticks in its place. That done,' he layed two things, resembling the back staves of * .& baby'B chair, very gingerly upon the top of them. Upon my asking ■what he called that thing, he facetiously replied: "o triajunctainuno." Try a what, Grumble? Try a trio, madam. Don't you know' that " tria '. juncta in uuo" is a Latin phrase, f meaning three joined in one. Slasher , and Driver went in first, and I must .say that for two respectable burgesses ; — married men too — their attire was •disgraceful.' Why they were garbed like Roman gladiators about to meet in aU arena, rather than gentlemen of sl polished age engaging in a friendly game. V^hen it came to my turn; i before going in, I went to the bowler, «H from what I had seen of his bowling I .did not half like its swiftness, and po»- ' liiely- begged of him as. a favor to give . me some easy ones — nice groundy hop* ; pers or trundles. ...He smiled an affablebut a treacherous, assent, for he never meant it, but when I stood at tbe wicket he threw the ball. Yes ! Actually threw the ball at it. I ran from it twice, when the shouts of laughter these acts raised made me stand firm at the third time, and I essayed a hit, but seoond s too late, for the ball had passed, reached a fellow behind me, bearing the sobriquet of "long stopper," and been thrown back by him hefore my bat fell. 1 will be soon enough next time, I thought, and so I was; for when I saw the bowler's arm move I made a slashing cut, the result being that the impetus swung me half round, And the breath knocked out of me by the halK As I told you, I collapsed, but, straightening myself again, 1 gave a return smile to the giggling spectators to *how that I enjoyed the fun as muoh as they did ; but if tbat smile indicated ever. mo slightly my sensations, it must have been a sickly one. It was now our side •*• out," and the Captain honored me with the post of danger — just between the crossfire of the batsman — but I was equal to the occasion, for, as the hall come hounding towards me. £ took my cap off, and let it run into it, amid cries of •" bravo" and ** throw it up." In response to the riallJ did so, but I am rather un« oertaia in my aim, as when concentrating my strength for the purpose of throwing I am compelled to close my eyes, conse quently, as I do not see I sm more likely to hit any object other than the one .intended, so that accounted for my seeing, upon opening my eyes, the wickets etill intact, but the " long stopper" lying prone ; upon the ground, where he lay stunned. Upon recovering his senses he *was irate, but the abject apology I made mollified him. What did I say P Why I told him I was sorry, but that it was hit own fault for not locking where he was running, as I had no control over the ball after it had left my hand, and was J not responsible as to where it went to. *' Grumble, do you mean to tell me that guch an apology satisfied him?" Thor. oughly, my dear, and with all the force, juid in all 'h® eloquence the colonial ver nacularis so rich, expressed himself as «uch. The words he used were; "Oh, dry up " He doubtleas thought that I shbuld yield up the fountains of sympathy to him and liberate their waters through mv eyes, and this was a kindly command for me to restrain my tears. But, as to this making of a duck's egg by vie I don't understand it, and I do wish, mVdear, you would try and ascertain the meaning of it to-morrow. You could bring it about in an incidental way when eh'stting to the neighbors ; for whether it Sto meant as a term of r^eule at my uOTkilf ulhess, or was an exaggerated style of expressing their approval at my unusual dexterity, remains^ at present a troublesome question tntbe mind of. ". '-„ Old Gbumblb.