Experiences of a Yankee

Feilding Star, Volume IX, Issue 84, 3 January 1888, Page 3

Experiences of a Yankee

A smart enterprising gentleman, hailing from the land of the "Stars and Stripes," and who runs a new Yankee invention, called one day during last week at Te Aro House, Entering the clothing department, he said to one of the assistants, " Sir, I am Silas Jones, agent for a machine which whips all ' creation. The advancement of civilisation, the amelioration of the condition of down- trodden millions, and the happiness of mankind generally, depend largely on the use of this new labor-saw ing apparatus." He then began to open his parcel, when the salesman replied, "I am not the boss of this coucern. You will find the proprietor in the office, but before going to him allow me to say nothing can benefit the human race like our cotton singlets at Is, cotton drawers at 1/6, merino drawers and shirts from 2/6. and socks from 9d per pair. Hats we can supply in straw for men's, youths', and boys', from 3d to 4/6 each. We can give you a sac suit made to order, thoroughly shrunk, of pure Petone tweed, for 4i2/- Silas was so struck with the bargains that he became an entensive purchaser. He was then shown into the sanctum, where he met the proprietor and got rid of his oration. On leaving, and intent on doing an exhaus ive busi» ness, he proceeded a few steps further up Cuba street and entered the next door, and to the courteous shop» walk«r held forth on the merits of his patent, when the reply again came, '• Sir, I am not the boss ; he is in the office. Before you go, pray have a good look round. Here, for instance, are children's stockings that we are selling at 1/6 for six pairs, and here are nlso six pairs of ladies' stockings for 1/9. We have about 8000 pairs to dispose of rarying in make, quality, and price, up to 6/6 a pair. Haberdashery we sell at much lower prices than are usual elsewhere. Here is a special bar" gain in kid gloves— 2ooo pairs of them at 1/11, honestly worth 3/6. Passing Silas on to other departments, he saw to his surprise the vast piles of prints, and on asking the price of one lot was told 2\d per yard. He was adroitly inveigled into the showroom, where he was invited to purchase trimmed hats from 1/9 each. and to admire a display of millinery as grand and tasteful as could be seen in any Paris, London, or New York house. •• Well" ejaculated Silas, " your prices I are tempting enough, and as I am a family man, 1 see it will be to my advantage to settle in your city ;— send my I purchases on to Gilmer's Royal Oak Hotel." He was then taken by the I shopwalker to the office, where his name was again announced, and the usual ora tion commenced. " Sir, the advancement of civilization " but suddenly recognising the p-opristor, " Guess I have got back to the same quarters agin !" Abusing his luck for the loss ot time, he made for the next door higher up, opening into a large csrpet warehouse. On entering, he was accosted by the salesman, to whom he began to explain his mission, but the reply he got was, " You had better see the boss,, he is in the office ; but, before you go. let me tell you if you are wanting tj fit up a nice snuggery. Just look at our fljor* cloths, fom 18 inches to 72 inches wide. from ssd to 1/8 per yard ; our linoleums, 27 inches to 12 feet wide; honeycomb quilts, from 3/11. We have lot* of car pets in tapestry from i/9 per yard, and Brussels from 3/6. Silas made his purchases, and then proceeded to the office, but to his astonishment found himself face to face with tbe same proprietor. " Why, what on earth does all this mean P Do you, sir, own all Cuba street P" " Not quite," was Mr Smith's reply ; " but you have not seen the half of it yet. There are tbe tailoring, mantlemaking, dressmaking, millin* cry, and refreshment rooms yet to be visited," " Life is too short to see them all," said Silas, He was then ushered into a beautifully-furnished room and regaled with a delicious cup of cocoa and sundry toothsome oonfections at mere nominal charges. Nor were his surprises to end here, for as he was about to pass out of the main entrance, the polite shopwalker said, "Sir, I find your purchases amounted to the sum of £25, and as we are now distributing our Christmas gifts, ailow me to present you with this card, which authorises you to make a full selection of any of the beautiful articles before you to amount to £2 10/»" The selection was quickly made, and Silas departed, convinced that the States did not monos polise all the smartness of creation since there was such a superabundance of it at Te Aro House !