Parliamentary Sketches

Feilding Star, Volume IX, Issue 59, 5 November 1887, Page 2

Parliamentary Sketches

By Oub Weujngtow Watghmak. Wellington, Novemb er 2. Somewhere off the west coast of Africa, in the latitude of the Gulf of Guinea, if my nautical memory does not play me false, a peculiar meteorilogical phenomenon may occasionally be witnessed by the vojager. The ship, we will suppose, is sailing gaily on a summer sea ; above, the cerulean sky ; below, the cerulean tranquil waters. All sail is set. and the white gtun'-sails belly to the favoring gentle breeze. Suddenly on the port quarter, if sailing south, a slight haze appears and maybe a few drops of rain — summer heat, the inexperienced mariner thinks — are seen to fall ; the slight squall passes away to leeward and there— perhaps — an end. But the result may be different. Without the slightest barometrical disturbance, the squall may be seen to turn in its tracks and with lightning, speed work down, apparently dead against the wind, and in a few seconds what was a scene of beauty and peace, becomes the theatre on which a demon gale — blowing sails out of their bolt ropes and riving stout spars — is raging ; the sea, a few minutes before calm as a mill-pond, is lashed to fury, the sky darkens, and generally, to use a shellback's metaphor, there is the devil to pay and no pitch hot. # # # * This treacherous sforai is called a Harmattan, and, in a political sense, a parliamentary Harmattan has been fooling around the House since Friday last. At present, we have only had the mist and the drops of rain; the gale itself has not yet worked back, but it is coving, and, Holy Sailor I when it comes, there will be some torn political canvass and a few yards and masts over the side. From which you may gather that I am looking out for squalls. # # ♦ ♦ To go back. Members rolled up last Friday evening with considerable reluctance, apparently. It is possible that the unwonted heat of the day had dissipated their energies, or perhaps their wonted holiday had been of an enervating nature. Certainly it is the spring time, and perhaps some of the bachelors had been a-wooing, for we have poor old Tennyson's authority for the statement :— "In. the spring a livelier iris changes on the burnished dove ; In the spring a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love." At the same time members of the House, speaking generally > are a rather old lot of boys to go courting. Young masters Perceval and W. P. Beeves might do a little that way, because colonial boys are proverbially precocious and want to wed ere they are out of their teens, and young Mr Ward looks nice and sweet enough to be kept in the neatest of feminine bandboxes ; but the remainder are rather elderly and rusty, always of course excepting Mr Vincent Pyke who, by the natural beauty of his appearance and the geniality of his manners, is eminently fitted to shine as a cavalier. Be the reason what it may our [Representatives on Friday were languid. * ' * ,•■ ■-■ -* ■„.... i* ■.■• ■■ '■- Nevertheless, the list of 'questions on the Order Paper was large, and •

there were a considerable number of petitions presented. Our old friend Mr Monk, Mariana Monk, presented a petition and presented it verj nicely, with that air of tender melancholy which befits him. There is something rather taking about Mr Monk ; he has an asoetio expression and intellectual physiognomy, and looks a man who under certain circumstances could both suffer and go. He has spruced himself up- a good deal and wears, lam glad to see, a tender pink flower in. his button-hole. This gives him an air of a sad and serious gaiety, as of a Buddhist priest who had decorated himself with a tsfossom which had been cast upon his shrine. t *. , v ' * ' * •' Mr Ross presented a petition from Dr Stuart — who, by , the way, is*' a white man and a Christian — and 'a number of Dvnediniteii -in favor of bible-reading in State Schools. It is needless to say that Mr ISoss shed round the petition an atmosphere of bland benevolence, and if the bible? reading in schools party throughout New Zealand would but entrust their petitions to Mr Boss I am sure no Government could resist them, ai\d we ?, would flhertiy have the Bible and the-, ehorter catechism and nothing elseread in our educational establishments. -.. Mr Boss iv his own person seems to say : " Look at me ! See die benevolence and blandness stamped on these features ; mark these lovely locks of pure seraphic white, reflect upon these Sunday-go-meeting togs ! All these beauties and blandnesses ire the result of my bible-reading at' school. Extend similar blessings to young New Zealand, and it too shall grow up bland and benevolent look-: ing and with white patriarchal locks." Mr Boss does not say all this. He looks it. He, so to speak, " dresses the character." * * * * •:*■•■ I have been looking very anxiously t» discover Dr Fitchett, the gentleman whe made Sir -Bobert Stout an ofEer of his seat. I have always a curiosity to behold a man who gives away, or rather offers to ■give away, something he' wants himself. Of course the Dr may hare been perfectly in earnest, only I have seme dun recollection, dating from the days of childhood, of seeing young innocents offer the boy with the big bag of lollies one out of their own scanty store. This sort of generosity is judicious, because the chances are the big boy with more lollies than he can eat will not accept, and that he will still retain a grateful recollection of the would-be donor. Stout has plenty of lollies to enjoy, beside the parliamentary lolly. However, the fact of the offer made me curious, and I have since the House met been on the look out for Dr Fitchett. I haye only just discoyered. him. little Dr Fitchett is not easy to, distinguish— without a microscope. Wbea he is discovered he ia rather interesting* Garbed ia black, he wears the smallest piece of red silk pocket-handerchief protruding. This is neither dandyism nor vanity. He sports the red silk simply that his party may know in what directionto look for him— when they Want him. But, although the doctor is small, I do not think he is by any means insignificant., . He has a smart looking, closely cropped bullet head, which has somethings in the shape of tbrains in it, and though he, looks physically so small he ib just one of those men you might make a mistake about. I remember Mr Back, the late traffic manager of New Zealand Railways, who was by no means deficient in muscle or pluck, once told me of a., mistake he made in this way. Back, who had roughed it in his time, was once trying to yoke a refractory, bullock which turned stupid owing te a smali and insignificant stranger who stood near. Back asked the stranger to move on one side, but the stranger seemed to enjoy seeing; the bullock and Back -wrestling, and did not move. Then Mr Back became cursory in his observations, and threatened to pinch the little man's head; and the small party said he would enjoy that, and Back started to punch. It was delightful to hear Mr Back recount against himself the varieties of punching he received at the hands of the insignificant one, who walked round him sweetly, but severely. When Back had received as much hammering as he thirsted for, and the sxiaU . person departed, the usual.good natural friend informed Bock that he had beea. engaged with the champion light-weight of Victoria I Well, Dr Fitchett look* something that way, and so, for the present, I intend to be remarkably civil to him. # # ■#...•■ There was but little done on Friday. Among other tilings Sir Julius Yogel made an explanation regarding the Midland Bailway, after which, as is generally the case with Sir Julius' explanation, the whole subject became as transparent as mud— thick mud. ..'"/■ #•* . ♦ * The difficulty of hearing; let alone understanding the ex-Colonial Treasurer, reminds me that the accommodation in the Press Gallery is still simply execrable. Thanks to the President and vice-presi-dent of the gallery this infernal elysram has been somewhat improved, but it is still a place of torture which wants reconstructing. ■ ...♦ ■" : . r . : * •:• '■■' • ■■'■■* Tuesday, November!, 2.80 p.m.— The House quite gay, almost frolicsome, especially during the presentation of petitions, and as one petition after another relative to the construction of the North. Trunk line from Stratford was handed up, some of the dear old boys became kittenish. When questioning time arrived Timaru Turnbull was found to be loaded up with interrogatives. Mr Turnbull has a manner of poising his head when he asks something peculiarly unpleasant, which is irresistibly suggestive of an audacious cockatoo inviting the byestandere to " scratch his poll." Major Steward, bolt upright like a lofty and innocent I hop pole, propounded a ceuple of questions relative to Government railway employes — without a blush. # *■ . •#"■■■;♦■.■ Sydenham Taylor " 'Oped the (Jovernment would see its way to. carry on the 'cad post office at Christchurch, and 'oped the Government would not giyea hanswer in the negative huntil he 'ad takenthe sense of the 'Ouse." I think the Sydenham people must be endowed with a keen sense of contemptuous humor, or they would provide themselves with a member who had not such an undying enmity to the letter which is usually " whispered in Heaven." Mr Taylor is a, disappointing person. When he. rises to speak he wears an expression which would seem to say, "Now hold your sides, I am about to be excruciatingly funny." And you get , ready to hold your sides accordingly, amtioipatuig some monstrosity of jooosity»

And Taylor engages in some bye-play with his glasses, looks round the House, and smiles a smile as wide as a Chinese «omn with the lid off, and then squeaks ■cu^some bald little stupid impertinence which is mean and small enough to make the ghosts of all the dead circus clowns rise from tneir graves and kick him.

Mr Ward as a new member, an extremelylnice young man. who would be invaluable at a bun-wonv. He is the neatest creature conceivable, and surveys mankind with folded arms from a lofty ieieht as the Man of Destiny viewed the league-long Atlantic rollers from his St. Helena prison. Mr Ward has a rather small voice— debilitated probably by cen--aumption of the too frequent muffin, and asked a question about wetgats and measures.

Mr W. G. Buchanan also arose and «sked that hoary-headed old question *bout firewood. H I were that august personage, the Speaker, I should insist upon Mi Buchanan looking the other way -when he had a question to put, because lie has a wierd and awful manner of fixing theO'Bbrke with his eye before he speaks, ■which, must be positively appalling to a person of nervous temperament. Mr JBuchanan would never have made a satasfactory curate to that Bishop who used to «aution his junior clergy—" For Gawd's «ake 1 sir, no zeal" He is one of those persons who. when he has made up his mind to attain a certain object, cannot be 41 choked off," even if you put a red-hot poker to his nose.

Mr, Fish of Dunedin, is aged since I Oast saw him. He attires himself in the traditional black frock, grey pants, white flower of a blameless life and a double* -barrelled stoop— a physical not a mental atoop'of course- He. is tuent, but thick, and read us a letter from a bond fide working man, a Government railway em* ployee, which was full of the tallest sort of sentiment and pathos which bore the strongest family resemblance to the senti«nent,pathos—and bathos —we have heard from the lips of Mr Fish himself.

Mr T. Mackenzie, with a frown, asked * question relative to the registration, of electors, and a very necessary reform was promised. Then Mr T. Mackenzie, with a frown, akked a question about the Oarduus arvensts which lam happy to •sty only means a Calif ornian thistle. Mr T. Mackenzie, with a frown, objects to Oalifornian thistles— having a national prejudice in favor of the Scotch variety.

By the way, Minister* «kape Tory well, and answer questions like gentlemen, not like '<Owlißg 'Ames in a discussion forum. Ik the -absence «f Major Atkinson—unwell, though he was bright and •clear in die evening when propounding &ig Financial Statement — the Hen, Mr Fisher led the House, which " George" •did in his very best bouquet, primrose, lkid&, and diamond xiag manner. He has, ihowerer, * tvidk <ot putting "his hand to , A lie side of his head as if he feared that Ibis brains were bulging through, but tixfioxee i« -all .there. Arootag (he •membero, or alleged mem v tbersj is WaiUXtara jUutchison, about tirhom I shall laye something to say upon another oieeatioß. In the meantime I would respeetfuliy request Mr tfyHutchison to xefraia from smiling so if possible. £ have been to sea, &nd was once nearly -eate*. by a shark, and that «ngaguat; -smile <jf Mr ffufcehi*oa's recalls the^oecasioa and makes me siervous. . . '#.—:;-._ * * ■ * T*tesi»a.y, 7*30 P.K. — Galleries fall, and the tension of anticipation regarding the «onung Financial Statement almost painfully apparent. Regarding the matter contained in that statement ie is hardly -within my province to speak. The manaier in which the Major, though far from well,- delivered it was unexceptionable. 'There was neither heat, pa&sion. nor •dreariness in his tones. His delivery was •calm and statesmanlike, and he spoke as one who had ineasurei to their pro€oundeitt depths his responsibilities, and was determined to accept them. Never in that House have I listened to any utterance which so impressed me, never have I before so thoroughly realised that New Zealand has statesmen who on occasion can soar above the crude methods of parish' .vestrymen or parochial guard* dans. "As the House listened, and as the -proposed policy developed itself, surprise and admiration were depicted on many faces. The policy, however, in all its ■details, is now before the country. It remains only for members to proye the sincerity of their professions in favor of retrenchment by supporting it, and for the people of New Zealand to support Also a Government whicn thero is every season to believe is thoroughly in earnest.