Old Grumble

Feilding Star, Volume VIII, Issue 117, 9 April 1887, Page 3

Old Grumble

On England's esteem of the Colonies. ». We talk of the days of chivalry and romance as for ever tied. No such thing, Mrs < Tminble, the ardent, five that make men huroes burns as brightly m ihe Briton's breast to-day as it did of yore, and history records nothing more chivalrous than the hastening of the colonies to the sun port of Britain whenever she calls to arms. The cry kindles the old war spirit which her children have carried with them to every corner of the "world, and the foreigner that has the temerity to offer Britania an affront must reckon upon having to face a hundred sturdy champions, each one eager to be the first to avenge the insult. There is a poetry in the resolve of the colonies to stand by the old country whatever betide, that that will be a theme for the bards in the presraant future to tune their lyres to. Time was when Britain, lite the old woman who lived in a shoe, had so many children she didn't know what to do; luckily, however, her shoe was full of holes, through which the hardiest and most daring of her numerous family, tired of the bad fare and hard usage they were subjected to, stole from that crowded abode and strayed to wider lands, "where they have stretched their growing limbs and found ample scope for their energies. Now like -a proud mother she welcomes these stalwart sons whose filial tenderness carries them across the sea to visit her again, and receive the honors she is only too anxious to shower upon them. Why, Mrs Grumble, a colonial has now only to show some little sign of orignality and he rises to rank and fame instantly ; it was but the other day one started from Wellington with a portmanteau full of stuffed birds, and on the pinions of those birds, both winged and wingless, he has soared to the gidc'y height of knighthood, from which lofty perch he looks calmly down upon those of his country, who denied him the lowly privilege of sitting in the House of Representatives. I shall follow suit. I will get a collection of birds eggs, and after threadling them present them to Her Majesty as a new decoration in honour of the event of her Jubilee ; it will be both graceful and useful. Graceful as a necklace, and useful when she retire*: to rest, for, unlike that "polished perturbation" the crown •• that keeps the ports of slumber open wide to many a sleepless night," she will by counting them tend to woo the drowsy god. It will be a great improvement upon enumerating fingers and toes. What, am I going to climb trees ? No, I am not. I shall advertise for eggs. "I shall be taken in." I dou't know a j duck's egg from a cockchafer's, don't I ? Your sarcasm is pointless for once Mrs Grumble, for if I am ignorant in the matter, I doubt whether Her Majesty is better informed, but upon second thoughts 1 shall discard the idea, for as you know next year is the jubilee and cheap titles will be distributed broadcast, when the order of St. Michael and St. George will become such a flimsy honour that to don ii will be beneath the dignity of Ou> Grumble. A newspaper vendor named Cauben, alias Smith, was charged at Sow street Police Court recently with attempting suicide. About half-past eleven on the previous nighi the attention of a con* stable was drawn to the prisoner in the l.iko at St. James Park- With diffi* culty he was rescued in an insensible condition. He wns removed to the police station, when it was found that he waii drunk. An emetic was administered, which had the effect «f causing him to vomit four shillings, a sixpence, and a halfpenny. In reply to Mr Bridge he said that he had sold out his stock of newspapers, and had got drunk. He missed his money, and could not understand what had become of it. He therefore threw himself into the water, and now appeared greatly surprised at the singular recovery" ot his money. He was ordered to find two sureties to be of eood behavior tor one month.