Tit Bits

Feilding Star, Volume VII, Issue 148, 25 May 1886, Page 3

Tit Bits

«. Girls are more courageous than men. They are ready to make a match with a fellow twice their size; Patient—" Is there anything wrong doctor?" "My friend, I really cannot aay till Rafter the autopsy "' ** Don't ye know ye shud, lay up ; jour treasures in Hiven, Mistress i Quinn?" "Och; where I'd nivir see ? them again?" Much danger makes great hearts most resolute. That is half granted that is denied graciously. Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. In explanation of his battered ap? pearance,. Murphy said, "Ye see the hoyse.l wa^ dhriving waz a mule..'? Aid Finnegain replied, "Ye need say no more, Dennis*" ** . The atmosphere of the suit is laden with the vapors of iron, copper, zinc, sodium, magnesium, and like elements, and its clouds are mighty volumes of molten metal: Newsdealer— '• I haven't the change; yOu can pay me to-morrow.". Gentle^ : man— "But suppose: I should be i killed to-day F \ Newsdealer—" Oh, it wouldn't be a very great loss." " Pa, is it right to call a man born in Polland a Pole ?" "Of course, my child." "Well, then, if a man is born in Holland, is he a Hole ;?." Sun. spots are solar storms, which ; tell us of the activity of that great 'central. engine whose throbs are the life-beats of the solar system. Samson was the first actor who brought down the house. 'Tis the will that makes the action good or ill. "Hadn't I better pray for rain to-day deacon ?' ' *'* Not to-day, dominie, I think," was the prudent reply; " the wind isn't right." He did not make any mistake until he asked her if she took the groom to be her redded husband. "I do." " And what are the mitigating circumstances, if any ?"' inquired the absent-minded justice. • Never doubt a musician's word when he says that he can't play. . Ten chances to one he can't. , Solar tornadoes rage over thousands of millions of square miles ; and travel sometimes more than a hundred miles in eyery second of time. V ; Life is short— only four letters in 1 it. -j Three-quarters of it is a '.'lie," and half of it ari " if ." ■ " Silence in the court-room,", thundered, a police magistrate. "The court has already committed four persons without being able to hear a word of the testimony." . . A! 'iiiaii- has" invented a chair that can be" Adjusted to eight hundred d^ffj-trb'nf'p'o-itiona. It is designed for a boy to sit iv when he goes to church. A. No matter how loose nn engagement ring may be, the. diamond' never slips around' on the inside of a lady's ■fe»*o .' , , : Father — " I never imagined that your studies cost me so much money." Student — Yes, and I don't study much either." Little Nell — "Mamma, what language is this ou the 'bill of fareV" Maimna— " It is French, my donr." Little Nell— "Why does , the, .hoteL inaii * put the ' names in French ?" M&mma— •" B^cause.mpst people.can-tv pronounce the names without making; themselves ridiculous, and they thei-e---fpre oi-iier j iist as little- as possible,/ Ah Irish newspaper! s account' of, an, imposing ceremouy — "The procession was* very, fine, being nearly two miles long, as' was also the . prayer of the Rev. *Mr McFadden." j Ytrtrhg lady— f" Do you know, OMr Singlesome, that when one find's -a' f|>tir-leaved clover it is a sure sign that the fiuder .wiU be married within a^ year ?" Old 'bachelor— " No. I hkve always supposed that finding a f^urdeaved clover was an A . omen. -Of; good luck." >If there is one time more than another wbei^ a woman should be; entirely alone, "it is when a full line of clothes comes down in the mud. ! In order to make the circuit of the e^rth, a locomotive would have to run incessantly 30 days ; sound must travel 34 hours ; a cannon ball, 22 hours ; Electricity , five seconds ; and light, of a second. One little girl waa heard to say to a playmate ; " When T grow up I'm going to be a school teacher." '* Well, I'm going to be a mamma, and have six children." "When they come to school to me I'm going to whip 'era." " You mean thing ! What have they ever d< na to. you ?".>•• ;Conjurer, pointing to a large cabinet : — 'Now ladies and g«ntlemen, allow me to exhibit my concluding trick. I would ask any lady in the company to step on to* the siage and' stand in this cupboard. I will then^fllose the door. When I open | it again $h£lad£ will-have vanished withf lout leaving a trace, behind." Brute in a front seat, aside to his wife— "l' say, old woman, do me a favour, and step up.'*

1 ' Continuation' of reading mittei <on Athpagi