"Old Grumble"

Feilding Star, Volume VI, Issue 24, 9 August 1884, Page 2

"Old Grumble"

DISCOVERS THAT THE NEW ZKALiNB STATE MANAGEMENT 18 RUINOUS WHEN APPLIED TO PRIVATE LIFE. '■— ♦— r- — The present depressed state of the country "attracts more than the ordinary . attention of the people 6f,N>w Zealand to politics ; it make**even the most careless thoughtful, for dullness of trade, lightness of money, decrease of income, and increase of overdrafts are not soporifics. Not that Grumble tar the least doubt of .New pulling through, with '"tiie" bright intellects it has selected <and .collected- to, the^ne ' focus of restoring the -vigor of the country — from men who have the depths of knowledge, some of whom have gone so ' far down as the coal cellar with a lighted candle in their eager* search after the ; diamond Truth, to those who haye 1 ' climbed to the veiy vane, and' have become tbe weather cocks on the lofty steeple of wisdom— With, Sttfch ability at the helm of State, Grumble haa no fear for the future of New Zealand, and begrudges not the money that is paid to them for their skilful and economic management of the Nations affairs.* Bui the depression comes nearer home ; it comes to Grumble's very door ; it come* inside, till it sits at the hearth' beside him. Then, like a prudent man, Grumble carefully investigates his private affairs and readjusts them. It was this- readjustment which made him' utter this command, in tones so imperative that evasion was hopeless— " Mts Grumble, you will have to re-organise your system of household management ;, ybu must either reduce your expenditure or increase the " income, unless you mean to rim me." Mrs Grumble for some timer looked deplorable in her perplexity, but ultimately her face became radiant as the lamps in the Square, as sbe said, "I have hit upon a scheme. Grumble dear; which I know you will approve of j I shall make a charge of three ha'pence oii every shilling's worth that comes into the house, and will deal only with those who will concede to my terms ; s. .sort of customs, you know." Grumble desired . to know where she got this brilliant idea from. "I— l thought of it/ "Mra Grumble, don't try to deceive me. I know your brain to be utterly incapable of so grand a conception, so say at once who pnt you up to this dodge." Mrs Grumble, finding she was cornered, then admitted that she had been reading politics lately and found that tips was the way the Government raised a great part of its revenue. Snarling amiably, Grumble said, "Allow me to congratulate you. Mrs G., upon the first sensible suggestion you have ever made since you took to yourself my illustrious name; but be impartial -be impartial." ** I will be impartial," and with these words, the conference ended. Time sped. The inevitable quarter-day came round, and with it the bills. Grumble stared at them, terror-stricken at their swollen aspect. Heavier -were 'they -'than ever before. But when Grumble had recovered his breath, which the shock had affrighted from him for an instant, he gave an ominous growl, as he asked, "Is this your system of ihtteasing the income P what means these items bf eggs and milk which incessantly : . oepnr? , • Inhere fare yonr fowls P anel where are your cows Pj* "That's just it," explained the'interrogated ; " the system would have trorkecl splendidly only the hens left -off laying just as I. told Joe, the-cow boy, that I should have to stop three ha'pence from his wages for eveiy dozen eggs he brought' in, and a ha'-penny for every gallon of milk ; since then we can get hardly milk enough for our teas'." ; 0h ! the roar of indignation Grumble let* out then — a park of artillery being fired was insignificance to it— as he called Ber all the names synonymous with 'stupidity he ' could think ot ; bnt Mrs Grumble was equal to the occasion, and justified ber action by recalling to his memory his injunction ior her to. ber impartial, and also that she was merely following ottt the principles of State management. . And it came palpable to Grumble that, hdwever this sort of management might do for the Nation, it was ruinous when, applied to private life, that he sternly forbade Mrs G. ever to rest her spectacled eyes upon any. political artiole which might appear in the papers again, »tating that politics were beyond the comprehension of women. But in. the seetustoifot his study he thought .how many industries wonld start into life, and how much tbe oonntry oould produce which it now imports, but for the prohibitive measures of Parliament. Old Gsm.BUt.-y i ..