By the Way

Evening Star, Issue 23693, 28 September 1940, Page 3

By the Way

(By X.Y.)

The time has corned the Walrus said, “ To talk of many things’ *

The Bomber-Bird, it seems to me, Deposits Eggs on Land and Sea , To do his Foemen Injury. He jettisons his lethal Load, And Anybody in the Read Is damaged when the Things explode.

In earlier- Centuries, I hear, Men fought with Bow and Sword and Spear And other antiquated Gear.

These Men, who bashed each other

thus, Were not as civilised as TJs,' Rut altogether barbarous.

For this is Science’s Success,

To slaughter Folk with Thoroughness, While skimming high above the Mess.

In former Times, now out of Date, A Marksman also felt the great Necessity of shooting straight.

I’ve heard of Men whose only Claim To Anything like lasting Fame Was accurate and careful Aim.

Fpr what was William Tell, until He shot with such outstanding Skill, And failed to puncture little Will? .

But Bombers of To-day are far Less fussv and particular. > Just drop the Bombs—and there you are!

The bitting of the Target must Be taken, more or less, on Trust. It doesn’t matter where they bust,

Permit me to establish this Most tenable Hypothesis: That modern Bombers always miss,

The Germans are a People who Invariably manage to Set forth the scientific View.

The R.A.F.. they say, are sent By wicked Churchill, who is bent On murdering the Innocent.

They always hurl Projectiles at The' blameless Proletariat

In Cottage, Tenement, or Flat

While German Bangers are designed For Targets of a well-defined And purely military Kind.

They have no Interest at all In busting up a Music Hall, Slum, Mansion, Church, or Hospital.

Yet these are just the things that Fritz By Misadventure always hits. And blows therii into little Bits.

While British Bombs, of course, supplied For working wholesale Homicide, Are dropped incalculably wide.

With misdirected Bangs and Pops Their inefficient cargo drops

On Petrol Tanks and Cannon-Shops,

It misses residential Blocks, But causes Fires, and Smoke, and

Shocks On Ships and Barges. Dumps and Docks

Which makes my Case as clear as Day Concerning Airmen, when T say Their Missiles always go astray!

“ Could you tell me what commodities the Government controls and how. the control operates?” This question was put to “ X Y.” this week by a Dunedin business man of the level-headed, unemotional, quietly-spoken type. Doubtless some readers of this column have sat for examinations, and possibly a select few of them have had the unenviable experience of being confronted by a paper winch germinates dismay. The questions all seem to deal with subjects that surely must have been touched bn in lectures unattended or in text books unread. The heroic method of treatment of such an examination paper is to return a blank, escape from the examination room at the first opportunity, perhaps seek the most obvious consolation known to students, and as the Waters of Lethe filter through make deep-seated resolves re study on a system whiph has more rigidity and less elasticity in its fundamentals Or possibly the full time is sat through in the torture chamber while necessarily disjointed attempts are made to indicate to the examiner that the degree of ignorance of the subject falls a little short of reaching the abysmal mark. In this case also the impossibility of obtaining a “ pass ” is fully realised. . f • * • *

lu our case the examiner relented and went on to explain. Raw materia! not produced in New Zealand and not likely to bo because of Nature’s distribution of her favours, is the prime necessity of bis branch of manufacture. Since the era of import embargoes and restrictions-it had* been the of his firm to obtain supplies as occasion arose from another concern, which from its nature was quite legitimately more favourably situated as an importer, and was not compelled perpetually to subsist on the hand-to-mouth system, as compared with the “ bread-lino ” existence of the general run of users of this raw material. (To avoid identification a delightful vagueness as to detail is compulsory, but it may be mentioned that both concerns are so long established that their foundations go back to the very early clays of Dunedin.) Yes, there was a continuance of good relations and a spirit of co-operation in difficult times; the raw material could be supplied, even from diminishing stocks, but the Government hall-mark to the transaction must first be obtained.

Then the fun began. Application was first made to the local branch of thai Government department concerned* Whether or not it possessed the requisite knowledge of the operation of control does not matter, for it disclaimed any' executive authority and referred the parties—prospective purchaser and vendor, both working in complete harmony—to head office in WellingtonOver the long-distance telephone thera was a tedious climb through what appeared to be the entire office staff, from the lowest junior to the highest senior, the password appearing to be; “ Just! hang on a minute and I’ll put you into touch with so-and-so; he will probably know something about it.” Finally tha Minister himself was “ pushed' into touch.” He thought the deal might ba allowed to proceed; but when ha learned the quantity of raw material involved he rather recoiled, because vti seemed to him colossal. “ Was such an amount really imperative?” Well, waa the reply, if we don’t get it certain construction work ton which we are engaged for your Government Defence Department must come to a standstill and your job remain unfinished.” The deal was authorised without furtheß consumption of Red Tape.

It is one thing for Parliament to acquiesce in the passing of a,Government Bill establishing control, but it is quite another thing to see the whole thing functioning the following week like a well-oiled machine. The extraordinary swelling in the numbers of the Public Service personnel has not passed unnoticed by the taxpayer, and it is fair to assume that Government control of industry is responsible for some of that increase. Naturally one asks how; and whence those, staffs are recruited. In those days of greatly depleted manpower, those engaged in and familiar with each industry simply cannot- ba spared from it if production is ‘ to ba kept up. Control of industry is a far more complicated business than traffic*control, for example. Had Constable Oswald been burdened with an army of recently sworn-ih “ specials ” distributed within a half-mile radius of the Stock Exchange corner, with instructions to intercept all vehicles and interview their drivers, the flow of traffics would not have been able to proceed so smoothly and expeditiously as it did*

If the Government could control its own businesses better, private enterprise might become better reconciled to the idea of control in times of emergency. Mr Seddon conceived the idea of State coal mines to assure regular supplies and prevent prices ascending beyond consumers’ purse limits. The war-period record of these mines is note precisely one of uninterrupted maxi- ' mum production. This week we read that the men at the Liverpool mine Held a stop-work meeting and went 'home because pressure of work in the office caused delay in the issue of paytickets for the wages men. _ In Auckland there is a move for bringing producer and consumer closer to ease the cost of living and avoid wastage of wholesome food which falls short of a stiff- export-grade standard. s But the Government mafketing expert frowna 6n the establishment of a public market for Auckland. Dunedin had local-go-vernment opposition to a similar move when Mr 11, W. Richards was town clerk and sought to institute ,a system which is so successful a feature of the larger Australian towns.

My former car, the other day, : I deftly traded in. And bought a brand-new vehicle As neat as any pin. ■ Its paint was green With glossy sheen; And both its bumper-bars Twinkled with bright Reflected light; Like coruscating stars.

1 drove it gently into town With pardonable pride, And parked before a shop, while I Made purchases inside. Without delay 1 came awayBut, on my solemn word. Some time before I left that store Disaster had occurred.

Ten minutes in that fatal shop Was all the time I spent; But lo! my wing was dimpled, and 'My bumper-bar was bent. Some fiend had been Upon the scene And staged this loathsome act} Then left the place Without a trace Whereby he might be tracked.

So now my car has lost her youth. At all events, until The needful beauty treatment’s done. And I must foot the bill. I shouldn’t pay, When others play The game of buiup-and-run j But how can I Identify That wretched Belial’s sonr

I hope that on a Sunday (for He can’t frequent a church) His petrol tank will spring a leak And leave him in the lurch. I’d love to hear Him rave and swear, Then tramp o’er MU and dowx For miles on end To find a friend Who’ll tow him to a town.