THE CHESTNUT TREE

Evening Star, Issue 22448, 19 September 1936, Page 7

THE CHESTNUT TREE

So That’s Settled.—Film Actor (to latest, wife): “What a beautiful neckace! .Who gave it>to you?” Latest Wife (a cinema actress) : “ My next husband. Pretty, isn’t it?” •'• ' « • Superstition.—“ Can’t Your Lordship change the date of the execution from Friday to some other day?” pleaded the prisoner just sentenced to death for murder. “Why do you wish it changed?” asked the judge kindly. “Because, my Lord, Friday is my unlucky day.” • • « « Devil and the Deep.—A burglar’* wife was being cross-examined. “ Madam, you are the wife of the prisoner?” “ Yes.” “ You knew he was a burglar when you married him?” “Yes.” “ May I ask how you came to marry such an individual ?” “ You may,” snapped the witness, “ I was getting old, and had to choosa between a burglar and a lawyer.” * * • • Shared.—The bride of a few weeks noticed that her husband was depressed. “ Gerald, dearest,” she said. “ I know something is troubling you, and I want you to tell me what it is; your worries are not your worries now, they are our worries.” “ Oh, very well,” he said. “We’vo just had a letter from a girl in New York, and she’s suing us for breach of promise.” • * * • • Service.—She was or - of those women who want to see everything there is in the shop. She was looking for hose, and the obsequious salesman got down everything in sight within a radius of half a mile. After the counters had been strewn with hose of every size and shape and colour—box on box, dozens on dozens—he said: “ There, madam, is our stock.” “Is that all you have?” asked the woman, her voice showing disappoint* ment. The salesman paused. “ Yes, madam,” he replied, “except the pair I’ve got on.”

“I think you’ve just got a little too much follow-through, sir.” .—Toronto ‘ Globe.’

The Point of View.— After considerable urging, Herr Schulze, of Berlin, took bis wife on a tour of Northern Europe. Arriving in due course at Nordkap, a promontary' of Norway, they viewed the midnight. sun, and Herr Schulze idly scratched on a rock: “ Sat here with wife! Fine! Schulze, Berlin.” Three weeks later a neighbouring rock read. “ Sat here without. Finer! Meier, Hamburg.” The Last Word.—A certain Kansas fanner was observed by his wife to be unusually pensive. “A penny for year thoughts! ” she remarked. “ I was thinking, niy dear,” he said, “ what epitaph I should put on your tombstone ” As his spouse was in perfect health, she naturally resented this undue thoughtfulness. “ Oh, that’s very simple,” she responded briskly. “ Just put ‘ Wife of the Above.’ ” • ft ft ft Eye for an Eye.— Four high-spirited and humorously-minded young Englishmen out East had a Chinese, servant upon whom they conceived the idea of . playing all sorts of practical jokes. One- night they nailed his shoes to the flour and poured glue into them; but next morning he brought their coffee in as usual, without a word. Next day they put sand in his bed, . and as that produced no reaction the P day after that they removed the mattress from his bed in the time-honoured fashion, and spread the coverlet evenly over the bed frame. Still the child of the Sun entered their room, coffee-laden, and wished them a bland good-morning. So they decided to play no more tricks on such a good fellow, and tol,d him so with » smile on each of their faces. “No more nailee shoes to floor?”asked the servant. “ No more nailee shoes,” said they, “ No more sand in bed?” “ No more.” “No more bed apple pie, me fall down ?" - “ Never again!” came the chorus. “ Velly well, no more putee mud ia coffee.”

“ But, dear, it’s the only way I know of where I won’t tear the carpet practising.” —' Tail Spins ’ (U.S.A.)