BY THE WAY

Evening Star, Issue 21748, 16 June 1934, Page 2

BY THE WAY

[By X.Y.] *• The time has come,” the Walrus said, “ To talk of many things.” “ In America successful efforts are being made to abolish the back yard,” says an authority on home building. Why, may we ask, should these particular efforts be regarded as “ successful”? If any futuristic destroyer of homes abolished our own back yard we should-certainly regard his efforts as a dismal failure. To the best of our ability we should probably try to abolish the person who interfered, with what we have always looked upon as a haven, a refuge, a place of seclusion where we can indulge in the soothing pastime of gardening, where we can juggle with the firewood, where, we may admire our clean shirts as they flutter bravely in the breeze, and where we are able to forget for the time being the worries of office life in the city—not to mention such mundane topics as economics, politics, and depressions. Of course, a nation like America, which seems to prefer height to ground space, is quite capable of perpetrating an act of vandalism like the abolition of the back yard, but we hope that the householders of Great Britain and her dominions will cling to the good old system, even if, as has been alleged, the said system invites the patronage of cats that wander by night. Already the Americans have “succeeded” in eliminating street-front hedges, walls, and fences. We Britishers simply must take up a stand in our own back yards.

* * * * Tis a few years ago that Mac, as we . know, Took his seat in the .top of the tree. Ho rose by a boost from Philip, who used To glorify Ramsay MncD. In repeated broadcasts he delivered his blasts, And they seared, 'castigated, and stung; For all who arose to object or oppose, Were slaughtered and flayed by his tongue. l. : Then, the triumph complete, he accepted a seat, A coronetj title, and-crest. He was feeling too ill, was unfortunate Phil, For anything—barring a rest. He planted himself on the well-padded shelf That’s reserved for political crocks; But now, after years of repose with the Peers, He is up like a Jack-in-the-box. But alas and alack for the mortified Mac! The tongue which delighted his ear Is lashing at him with the venom and vim Of a whip on the back of a steer. He wriggles and squirms, but opprobious terms Descend on him thickly and fast, For Philip’s cut loose, and words of abuse Are driving like hail on the blast. So Ramsay now finds the various "kinds Of. fool he appears to the eyes Of Snowden the tart, who once took his part, 1 Belauding • him up to the skies. He’s, conceited, he’s vain, he’s inept, he’s inane,' ■ i> >- ; . A camouflaged-Tory-, a* dud. ' '■ ■ The land’s in a fix, but Mac. 'simply ' sticks ' ■ ' And flounders about in the mud. So Phil, in his rage, is meaning to ' stage A definite come-back, no less,. To save the H.K. from getting insay— A horrible muddle and mess. He’s coming to light, all fizzing -with fight, When everyone else is inert, But, being in doubt, I’d like to find out The colour he’ll choose for his shirt!

“The mother-i%law complex,” said a medical witness in the Fpiiee Court case the otner day, “ may be found in tno case of a man who nas a tremendous Uatred of his mother-in-law for no reason whatever.” * From this we gather that the medical witness does not regard the genus mother-in-law as the bogey or interfering hobgoblin she was once thought to be. It is pleasing to note that somebody has at fast come to her defence, for there is no doubt that mothers-in-law, in common with Scots and Jews, have been lor-too long the butt of the jester and the satirist. The time lias come to call a halt. The mother-in-law theme in anecdote and, gossip has been developed to such extraordinary lengths that in many cases it has undoubtedly nourished the complex defined by the psychologist in court. . . In bygone days, when a sensitive young wife either fainted or rushed off to mother at the slightest sign of a domestic rumpus, it may well be imagined that the latter, m the manner of a- hen defending her chick, became more aggressive than defensive. But the times have changed. The modern girl can look after herself. Her mother no longer weeps when the chosen man removes her to a house of her own—a homo where she can scatter as much, cigarette ash as she likes and where

*» ■ " 1 ' v her husband ,is the one who nas to Attend to the. business side of the party. The mother-in-law 'of'to-day is more likely to thump the bridegroom ou the back and wish him joy of his bargain than to look upon him as a terrible ogre who is stealing her darling. No, good people, “ ma-in-law ” .is not so bad. - Leave hereto her shop sales and her bridge and s her croquet and she won’t harm anybody. * * * * The Otago Expansion League is a worthy body. If all its requests and agitations bore fruit the' province would be a' better place in which to - live. We cannot help thinking, however, that in its methods of trying to get what it wants the league does not show the tact and finesse so evident iu the make-up of public men in. older countries. We have always criticised the deputation- habit -whichr is so strongly developed in Us New Zealanders. To our ■ mind a Minister of the Cabinet on tour resembles not so much a statesman as an animal at bay, fighting for its life against hordes of antagonists. A very thin line is drawn between the words “ ask ” and do- i mand.”-/There are two standard endings to a deputation story—viz., W o shall keep the matter steadily in view ' and •“ W 7 e shall give the matter every consideration.” Our advice to the Expansion League is to send a delegation to Wellington some time during the session and invite the whole of the Cabinet to a fine big dinner (avec wine list) in the Royal Oak or some equally comfortable hostelry. Then, if our knowledge of such matters does not play ns false, the weather topic would be exhausted over the soup, the general economic situation would be disposed of just as quickly as the entrees or fish. Really serious topics like cricket test matches and tours of All Blacks would be intro, duced, appropriately enough, with, the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. By this time the great difficulties which the country was said still to bo facing would disappear, 1 and throughout the rest of the meal there would iemain liothirtg, to do but; settle that little business of arranging for the completion of the Haast Pass road or of assuring the delegation that it need .worry no longer about the trifling affair of a permanent Melbourne boat.As for the damming of • the Clutha—why, it would be as good as done. This is the sort of thing we want in New Zealand—hospitality and. a dash of old-world diplomacy. :

*.* * * We aro very much interested in cricket. But we are also'very much interested in sleeping. And so ft was that the family radio, its valves cold and inanimate, was forced, during the first test match at Nottingham, to keep a lonely vigil'in the dining room from 11 o’clock onwards—yea; even after the trams had stopped. Of course, things might have been different had it not been for the fortitude and endurance of near-neighbour Bill, who kept watch each night into the wee i sma’ ’oors, and in the course of his, morning totter to work apprised us of the latest developments in the Battle of the Ashes.It is to the Bills of this city that all cricket lovers should pass a hearty vote of thanks. They are not particularly keen on cricket, but they are keen on their radio, and the idea of hearing the sound of bat on ball 14,000 miles away has. been stimulating to them to unsurpassed efforts at keeping awake. Up till the moment of writing our Bill has not.leanjed that the cricket sounds he has, been hearing- originated. from; the studiotricks of a Sydney broadcasting station. For pur own sake we shall never tell him, : 1 * * * * A python in one of the Islands of the Dutch East Indies attacked a motor cyclist and crushed his machine until it was only a scrap heap. • - Wanted: Two or three pythons for street duty in Dunedin. ♦ * * ♦ Concerning chaps in touring teams, I often sit and scratch my head. You see, there is, .or so it-seems, The same old story always said. The same old yarn is always spun By this, or that, or t’ other one. The same old rumour gets afloat - Concerning rifts within the lute, A mutiny aboard ■ the boat, _ A little earwig in the fruit,: A fly within the ointment, or Some other silly metaphor. When such-and-such 1 a match i» played, And So-and-So is not employed, The knowing ones are much afraid That So-and-So must be annoyed At something someone said or did. And wouldn't play as lie was bid. _• Or else—of course, you never know—< The team is governed by a clique Who have a “down” on So-and-So;' And so he’s shunted, so to , speak; Although the armchair-critics say He should have been the first to play* And so it spreads, the merry tale. No matter what the team may be, They’re always at it, tooth and nail. They can’t conceivably agree; For every team' away from home Is naturally quarrelsome. The captaiii swears, but all in vain, That nothing troublesome’s occurred, That everything’s as right as rain; ' But nobody believes Iris word.The knowing ones just wink and sneer, “He had to cover it, poor dear! ” The team may finish up its trip Without a single hitch or jar In playing-field, hotel, or ship, Or dressing-room or Pullman car; And still the critic mutters “ Rats J They quarrelled like Kilkenny cats.” So, if we find out, after all, That Don and Woodfull came to blows, - That Fleetwoocl-Smith assaulted Wall, And Oldfield flattened Bromley’* nose, That Cliipperfield np-ended' /Brown And Kippax knocked- O’Reilly down; Then, possibly, we’ll all agreeThat what the critics said was right, And mutter “ goodness gracious rue'Whatever made those ' fellow* fight?” But till that time, we’ll hold tho view. That Woodfull’s words are strictly true.