BY THE WAY

Evening Star, Issue 20132, 23 March 1929, Page 2

BY THE WAY

[By Q.V.]

.. '11,,. ii mc has come,’' Iho Walrus said, To talk" ol many Things.” | ] ; ii-d hick on the Earl of Egmont! pi is fvpericnce was like unto the experience of Sir Hercules Xlohinsou, when lor some reason or another (perhaps ’ like the man in the moon, he came down too soon) no huge crowd mot him on the wharf when he landed [o Iw- (iovernor of Mow Zealand. As the Auckland paper of those days put it Sir Hercules I’ohinson, said, said he. ■■'where are the people 1 came to see’ Xow it's a .sign of the degeneracy ot these latter days that’ the earl wasn’t met properly. There should have been an arch over the railway platform at it itm wood, fluttering with the Egmoir. colours for one thing. I don't know what these arc—probably yellow and black, like the ’Taranaki football colours. 'The butler, at the, head ol ~11 Mm old family retainers, should have presented him with the keys ol the ca>tlc, the church bells should have iiiim. and the assembled school children sun" a, song of welcome. The tenants should have’raised a hoarse cheer, and ihen dispersed to reunite, in the evonhm. when an ox would he roasted whole, and distributed with so many mil lons of ale, to the grateful multitude. Apparently the Press was 1 lie onlv local institution alive to the mijaortante ot the occasion. The Earl of Egmont came, Mis heritage to claim; Ami who on earth could blame 11 is lordship for the same? It was his lawful name; I>n t—-sure it was a shame He found things rather lame At his homecoming. Ami so he said, said he. These folku ain’t wanting me. Why isn't there a. spree. With all the tenantree, The butler with the key There's no one 1 can sec. This is a hum burg—Heel It should be humming. » K * » I),. Valera is blowing the trumpet of rebellion again.

There stood in the Dail the Annoyance of F.rin. A hali'-hlooded Spaniard, and started to speak (Ho got his position by reason of swearing An oath to the King, with his tongue in ids cheek). And said—one might .see he was looking for bother—- £; I've sworn yon one oath, but 1 wen t swear another; Jiv conscience won't stand it—so cut out the oath, oil’ll let out mv war-cry of ‘Erin at War.’ ‘'Aral will your late he, oh I Irish If roe. Si aler.s. Unless vmj obey tun and do what I You’re ’(adjective) slaves and backsliders and traitors, _ The sort, of gossoons it's a pleasure to slay. And sure it's a fact there'll lie little disputing. There's hound to 1“' stabbing, and bombing, and shouting, And burning ei houses, and robbing, aml looting When I sing (he’hold anthem of 'Erin at War.’ " O Erin, poor country, beware ot the stranger I There's prospect el peace it you don't lose your head ; (Jut, it yon believe him. he sure there's a, danger livat, no peace will come hut the peace el' the dead. And just when you’re getting a chance oi' retrieving Prosperity why think ol murder and thieving)' Eor terror, starvation, and weeping and grieving Are nil in the singing ol ‘Knit at War.'

Some menial specialist,—-1 torget v, ho. but he was a big gun among mental specialists—ouco said that too much rod in the colour scheme of our Mirruiiiidiugs had a. bad cflcct on the human min'd, if so, y good many happenings in Ihissia admit, ot an easy e>; 'lanalion —even the latest vagary of Muscovite scientists. Mars, it &(T m u , is reasonably near —only ain puy-ii m million miles away—-and the'great, nation is to visit Alam on a roe!-;id--like Jules Verne’s heroes who oveishot the moon, or like, Baron Munchausen, when lie made an aerial Slimy ot Hatisbon. sitting on a can-non-hall. The nation, sit course, is practical -just as practical as Communist politics. And like, t lie oi l ('even: liter's threc-honr sermon, it can be summarised under a number ol heads. i. TTic p'ussibilily ot Inti mg Mars (a! First shot? (I-,) Subsequent shots? And d so (li who is going to sit in the car when they are tiring their sighting shots (suggestion—perhaps sonic ad-jc-i iveski ’bourgeois would do). ic> Any shot at all? (I. tat Arrangements with .Mars lor a mi.g.i party to register hits and pick up, 'the remains if the projectile hits ion hard, burying them with Commi'i'ist rites. ih I Ai rango.meni s lor an observation post (vulgarly 0. Fipski) say. on. one o! the Asteroids. HI, The possibility of finding living iTcainres on .Mars, la) In human lorm. (1,1 With. say. brains in their shoulder blades and stomachs on I heir insteps, ic) Friendly or hostile. !A The question of getting hack to hiiie old Leningrad ogam. Perhaps the Soviet leaders arc considering all these little questions in order to prepare a. sate line ot ret''eat m case oj a cotml er-revolu-tioii. Fven then, one could safely say that they had been “ lirecl.” * «■ * * We heard AVal. Hammond liked to knock 'em In any match ; _ But now lie’s quite content to block ’em. And scratch, and scratch. And scratch, and scratch, and scratch. Thev’re. out to build up averages, 'I peso cricket pros. ; And so. while they stop in for ages, Wc doze, and doze, And doze, and doze, and doze. Test cricket's just a weary mess-np. One longs to sit And watch a chap like Grace, or Jessup. Who'd hit. and hit. And hit, and hit, and hit. But now we're tennis mad—no wonder That it is so. For cricket’s slowly going under. IP's slow, and .slow. Ami slow, and slow, and slow.

When all the supermen of cricket Co in to bat Upon a Dttco-finiohed wicket, They pat, and pat, And pat, and pat, and pat. While after each successive maiden The crowd, outworn With vain desire to see them wade in, Just yawn, and yawn, And yawn, and yawn, and yawn.. The. howlers, with determination, Though sick of soul, Pursue their hopeless occupation And howl, and bowl. And bowl, and bowl, and bowl. The fieldsmen do their best to cheer them. (Their yawns concealed). And when (at times) the bail comes near them. They field, and field, And field, and field, and field. And when some lapse from dull convention Augments the score. The crowd, sarcastic in intention, Just roar, and roar. And roar, and roar, and roar. # * * * .Says an exchange: “if ihe claims made for a new patent, now being closely investigated, are substantiated, all present ideas about the manufacture, distribution, and employment ol electricity may become obsolete.’’ The inventor, a Air William Harrison, ol St. Helens, contends that he has_ established. contrary to all previous theories, that electricity can be amplified. This means that his apparatus, for a trifling cost, will convert a small quantity of low-power electricity into a relatively unlimited supply of current at high voltage, which, as the ‘ Daily Mail ’ points out, _is tantamount to perpetual motion in the electrical sense. It is stated that an average sized villa, has been illuminated over a period of months from a small accumulator, the size of an ordinary wireless low-tension battery. _ attached to Harrison’s apparatus. Tor existing electrical installations Harrison’s machine is plugged into the socket of the nearest .lamp-holder, and will light half a dozen 100-watt and _ 200-volt lamps for the cost of the. one. The co-partner is Air Thomas Woods, who introduced the artificial silk industry to St. Helens. Why should wo sell. A\ aipori or why should we build a dam To conserve the winter water for onr use? Jf we wait a little longer now, then very sure I am Kadi home will simply overflow with juice. fan't yon see the tasks domestic just vanishing like smoko? With a, Havrison-AVood fixture in her hand Each housewife would _ he happy, when, with just a single stroke, She'd a League of Willing Workers at command. Can’t von see onr si reels and houses blaze with incandescent lighl, And electric battery cars on every road, While a Alinister of Hallways who had such a patent might Electrify his lines and case his load ? I am sure if such a marvel wore installed in the Town Hal), And every councillor plugged to the main, Tilings would move so swilb and sweetly we would have no grouch at all. And all he sate when flood time comes again.