A WORD IN YOUR EARS

Evening Star, Issue 19800, 25 February 1928, Page 21

A WORD IN YOUR EARS

MODERN WAY TO KEEP A HUSBAND Anita Loos, the famous authoress, who is in private life Mrs John Emerson, is prouder of her successful marriage than she is of her “best seller” book ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.’ In this article in the ‘ Sunday Chronicle ’ she pleads that husbands and wives should have a certain amount of leisure to use as they see fit without feeling they are neglecting each other.

I think the number of divorce cases would decrease by half if people would put a little more Bohemianism into married life. By that I mean there should be more freedom for both the husband and the wife. To-day the modern woman has so many liberties before marriage that the husband cannot expect _ her to settle down into a conscientious housewife with no interests outside of the four walls. It is important, I think, that both should have a certain amount of leisure to use as they see fit, without feeling that they are neglecting each other. The wife should have her friends and the husband should have his firencls—openly. Other people give you the stimulus that you can’t always get from one person; I mean intellectual stimulus, of course. Nor should they have to account to each other either. There should be a fine indifference to anything that is not volunteered. A surprising amount of happiness in marriage can be achieyed by the simple method of just letting each other alone. EVIL OF DISTRUST. My husband and. I like to know all kinds of people, but if my husband feels, for example, that ho would like to have the company of, a certain woman who happens to bore me, then he is at perfect liberty to go out with her and leave me to do something else which interests me more.

It is true that few women would permit their husbands to do that, and the reason is that they don’t trust them. And yet a man may bo interested in other women without wanting to exchange any one of them for his wife, assuming that he has the kind of a wife who has given him of her best. The habit of questioning one’s husband about everything he has been doing, of making him account for his time, of eyeing him with distrust when he wants to go off alone and of making insinuations, trivial though they may seem, is the cause of some of the most hopeless maladjustments of marriage. JEALOUSY THE CAUSE. It often happens that when a man comes to the stage where he takes his wife’s affection for granted, the wife works herself up to a nervous state, and begins to believe that her onceloving husband is now interested in someone else. She begins to insinuate that there are other women, and, although her husband might have been absolutely innocent, he sits up and takes notice. “Well,” ho thinks, “there may be something in this. She’s making svich a fuss anyway.” ’ ! ' The first thing you know is that Lis interest in other women has awakened, and his wife is getting ready for the divorce court. It seems to mo that if the man really had been philandering, ho would have been smart enough to keep on flattering his wife so that her suspicions would not be aroused. But the wife is so ready to mistrust her husband and is so jealous of his every move that soon they are quarrelling with each other, jealousy is the reason why so many marriages end in the divorce courts, for a husband will never be frank with a jealous wife.

No woman can afford to be jealous. And I speak from experience, because I used to bo frightfully jealous myself. I was always that way, oven when, I was a kid. What the next person had would make me jealous. You can imagine, then, what a time I had when I married. But my husband wouldn’t stand for it. Ho just made mo cure myself of it. I reasoned it out and impressed it upon my subconscious mind that I simply would not demean myself by being jealous, and, though it took a long time, I finally cured myself of it. There must be a great deal of reasoning and managing in married life, and that’s something the average woman doesn’t do. She doesn’t really think about it and work to make her married life a success. At the first sign of trouble she is ready to run to the divorce court.

But isn’t it worth the effort for husband and wife to see if they can’t work out their union on a better basis? To see whether there is not more they can do to adjust themselves instead of losing their nerve and patience with each other? The wife may find what she regarded as “another woman” in her husband’s life is nothing but a momentary escape from domestic dullness. BE A “ SPORT.” For that I suggest a short holiday from each other. I believe that holidays should be an indispensable part of married life. It isn’t necessary that husband and wife should see •so much of each other that they soon become bored. A woman should ask her husband’s advice about things. And let her, above all, be a good sport. That’s one reason why men like to turn to the chorus girl. She doesn’t make too many demands of him and she’s always ready to be the “ good fellow.” The chorus girl’s _ marriage goes on the rocks just as quickly, may be, and that is because she doesn’t keep the sportsmanship up. She wants _ all the so-called respectability of married life. She becomes the jealous, nagging wife. If a woman would work as hard to keep her husband as she does to get him, and if, on the other hand, a man would try as hard to please his wife as he does to please in business, there would not be so many failures in matrimony. Intelligence and the desire to make a success of marriage are needed.

• KEEE YOUR FEMININITY. But, you will say ; roost men don’t care-for intelligence m women. So you can’t expect much intelligence m marriage. That is true. The average man likes the sweet plaything type. He doesn’t want a woman who in interested in his affairs or ■who’ll talk shop to him. He wants a girl who’ll regard him as the strong man of the house and look up to him. ■' The intelligent woman, therefore, 11 she wants, to get married and keep lier husband, will not forsake her feminine appeal. If she happens to be his mental equal she should keep the knowledge frtai him. A charming woman can rule ■ the world—providing she doesn’t let the man know, what she IS about—for men will always “ fall ” for feminine charm.