WIT AND HUMOR

Evening Star, Issue 4033, 29 January 1876, Page 6 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOR

“No,’ says Mrs Podgcrs very positively, “if Igo into the country, Mr Podgers goes with me.. This city ain’t no safe place to leave a man alone in.”

A. count-yinan went to sea his lady-love, and wishing to be conversational, observed, “ The thermoi nokron is twenty degrees above zero this evening.” “ Yes,” innocently replied the maiden “such kinds of birds do fly higher some seasons of th ■ year than o.hers,” ° An American editor says he once partook of abeva-age so strong that he could, noo tell whether it was brandy or a lorchbght procession that was com; down bis throat. “ What is the action of disinfectants ?” asked the examining board of a medical student. “ ( hey smell so badly th t people open the doors, and fresh air g ts in,” was the reply. Domesticated young lady (making a pie) • “Frank, the ktcben’snt for boys. Has dough such an attraction for you’”—Clever youth: “It isn’t the doe, cousin: it’s the dear.”

A nun left a very bony steed in the street recently, and on coming ba-;k a short time afterwards, discovered tuat a funny youth had placed a card against the fleshless ri s. be 'ling the notice :—“ Oats wanted. Inquire within.” Vessel and Spi.it.—“Remember, Mrs B ” said Mr Bogus, in a fluster, one. day, “ that jou are the weaker vessel.*’—“ Maybe so,” retorted the lady; “but I’ll not forget th»t the weaker vessel may have the strongest spirit in it.

When a man is in love with one woman in a family, it is astonish ng how fond be become of every o-.e connected with it. He beats time when the darling little Fanny persons her piece on the i iano, and >m<les when wicked lilt e Bobby upsets the coffee on his shirt. In an English Sunday School, the Vicar’s daughter, who was very proud of her Bible class, inquired of one of her pupils in a smock frock how Queen Sheba came to Solomon? He replied : “By railway, Miss.” On asking for an explanation, she leceived answer : “ Because, Miss, the Bible says she came to Je;usalem with a very heavy train!” Detroit boys seem to adyanoe in education whether they attend school or not. A newsboy, who couldn’t change a ten-cent piece a ye.-r ago, w*s yesterday heard remarking, “William Scott, if you ever corrugate >our brow at me in that way again, I shall temporarily deposit my papers on the pavement, and cause the blood lo c agulate under your left optic ! Hear me, William !” The Latest Version.- An American contemporary gives the following version of the opening of a well-known song: - My mother bids me bind my hair. But does not tell me which ; Does she mean that piece on my bedroom chair,

Or my fifty-dollar switch ? Highlanders have the habit, when talking their English, such as it is, of interjecting the personal i rououu “he” where not required «n hj as “The king he has come” instead of Ihe kmg has come. Often, in consequence, a_ sentence or an expression i« rendered sufficiently Judicious. Thus a clergyman opened his discourse— ‘ My. friends, you will find the Rubje-t'Ot dip course, th s afternoon, in the first epistle general of the Apostle Peter, chapter sth and verse Bth, in the words, the oey I he goeth about like a roaring l:on, staking whom he may devour.’ Now my friends, with youif leave wc will divide the subject of our text to day into four heads, 1 irstly, wc than endeavor to ascertain * who shs devil he was/ Secondly, we shall inquire mta his geographical position—namely, ‘ where the devil he was, and 1 where the devil he was going?’ Thirdly—and this is of a personal character who tho devil ho was seeking * And fourthly and lastly, we shall endeavor to solve a question which has never been solved yet— ‘ WjQifc the devil he was oaring about ?’ ”