WIT AND HUMOR.

Evening Star, Issue 4027, 22 January 1876, Page 2 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOR.

-Arkansas boasts of a hamkt called Toper - ville.

There is a town in Indiana named Possumgl <ry. , “John Poll ” was registered at the late electurn m Philadelphia. He turned out to be a pa rot in a beer shoo.

The saying “ Excuse haste and a bad pen ” has been attributed to a pig who ran away from home.

Philosophical Paradox.—When a youth has a decided bent for any pursuit, he is likely to keep straight at it, “ W e was born in Maine, but was a native of country for the last thirty years,” is the way a l«*«s paper wiuds up tic biography of a deceased subscriber. The'e is a bullfrog farm in South-eastern Wisconsin ; thirty acres of swamp are fenced in, and the proprietor sends thousands of these fcatherless b rds to New York, If there is anything iu the world which will make a woman mad, is to have a man hang over the fence and survey the we.k’s washing on the line, and grin and grin. At a Georgia hanging, the other day, a chap in the crowd took offence at some remarks by the doomed man on the scaff.U, and tried to get at him w.th a bowie knife, Probably one of the must trying times in a man’s life is when he is introducing his second wife, seventeen yeors old, to his daughter, who is part twenty.— ‘ Detroit Press.’ “Uh! I’ve loved before,” said a Detroit woman to her fourth husband, as she took a handful of hair from his head because he objected to bang out the week’s washing. “ Was the crowd tumultuous inquired one man of another who had just com* from a mass meeting. ‘ Too muluious,’ replied the other. ( >h, no, just multuous enough to comfortably fill the hall.”

A Duluth girl married a young man because he lifted his hat so beautifully as he passed her. *he got a divorce, because he if ted the tables© bcauiifullv when the dinner didn’t suit him.— ' Detroit Free. Press.’

Tuey have found a petrified Mormon in Utah, and fr m the number of dents in the head, evident y made with the poker ami flatiron, it s judged that he had k at least thirtyihree wives.

f'o i-e El overs of Eden ' Still —Say what you will, the l.fe editorial is not ill thorns. Here and there a rose springs up, effusing its i.dcr tlnou Jit e sanctum, ad, th ugh many a dark and angry clomi fl >at,s athwart the sky, yet it is not always without ts silver lining. How forcibly this is illustrate . by the experience of an editor at Somerville, Tenn., who has recently been presented with a )iz ird with two tails.

li fluence of the Bw.ch. r C ise.- A Keokuk man held a neighbor’s wife iu his lap while she hid up his hair iu curl papers. The husband attended the funeral, ami when the minister had finished speaking he stepped up to the holv man and sai i in a low, sweet voice, “I didn’t imml him so much, because theie was no haira in him, nohow ; but I thought as things was ge tin’ from bad to worse, and—well, I wanted to give them preacher chaps a warnin’.” Quite recently a short-sighted husband saw a large bouquet of flowers on a chair, and wishing to preserve them from fading, placed them iu a basin of water. When his wife saw tno '‘bouquet ” half an hour a<terwards, she gave one piercing scream, and fainted on the spot Her d fective-vi lined husband had mb-take-her new summer bonnet with its abundance of flowers fur a fredily-culled bouquet. This is the way an Eastern p«per looks on the fashions 'l'hey are getting tighter every day. Not that they are md pretty ; not at all th t, you know. But real y iu about six weeks, at this rate, they will have to git one skirt made for ca. h—each-well, each limb, if tiny want to walk at all. And—ha! who knows but that is the way they propose to att dn pantaloons ? Is there st ategy here ? “I kilo* t at my itde boy is b d,” said a loving mother ; “ I know that he may be breaking somebody’s windows or soon t ing right now ; but isn’t it fat belter for him to f-e out in the fresh air than to bo stuck hue in the house, where he might b« falling into a tub ot hot water or permanently injuring himself tome Way? Seems to mo i is, A delinquent arrested fhr drunkenness was asked in the police couit wtrat he had done with his momw. “Invested it in lots,” was the rep y. “What lets?” was the next question. “Lots of whisky,” he replied with a serious face. There was a laugh, and the justice told him to go and com© no jsoy©.