A FEW THOUGHTS ON CURRENT TOPICS.

Evening Star, Issue 3755, 6 March 1875, Page 2

A FEW THOUGHTS ON CURRENT TOPICS.

Eo. vn. I humbly apologise for ray silence. I am fully ware how very anxious the public must ?■•.:■■ i* i:eci‘ at my disappearance. But let them re-a.c.u-ctl; I tried rhe undertaker*' I>'.v-iuosi«, but i 1 lik*.ly tb it's poiug to cri’npsn. They iik. ; -iy ; i ,ii -t.hr.ye bands rati nr chan li;m. more. Tiuav nili b<- a Samir*:*; poster r-v+ one of days at which the drapers will sta,e, hearses, coaches, pinnies, piar-.-s, and all the paraphernalia must go—not, sir, at a message from Basinghall street, but at the dictation of a righteous public opinion, which says that it is wrong to indulge our grief by luxurious and expensive displays. I have heard, but it nearly took my breath away, that societies are also about to be started to cut down milliners’ and dressmakers’ bills and tailors’ charges, and also that commission merchants and education people are to be called in question ; as well as sundry other dealers and persons who manage one way and the other to extract the bawbees from the paternal pocket. I even heard one heartless man say “ Hang the funerals ! I haven’t had to shell out for a funeral for years, but by gore, every day I’ve got to meet some other extravagance.” I wonder, sir, if there can be any truth in that man’s remark.

I do sincerely and from the bottom of my very boots wish the Victorians joy over their elephant. Why don’t they send him to Philadelphia ? Victoria is anxious to shine, and Sullivan would not object. Jonathan likes a sensation. He would run against the wickedest man in New York, and smother for a time the filthy Beecher-Tilton scandal. So all parties would be satisfied. Victoria would be rid of her nuisance and our anxiety would be over. Irstead of being bothered with tons of New Zealand articles in the show, one walking exhibit would suffice. The showman, say Mr Casey, in his oily style, could expatiate on the glory which the possession of so eminent a criminal conferred on Victoria, and take an honest and legitimate pride in the exhibition, for the article in reality would be her property. We know how loth Victoria is to appropriate to herself any credit to which she is not entitled, but in this instance perhaps any little doubt that she may have as to the ownership of the exhibit could justifiably be overlooked. Some clever people seem to think that the Gasworks purchase will be a matter easily arranged. Perhaps those who are curious in such matters would take the trouble to look up the Home papers’ law intelligence of about the 13th December. They will there see Mr John Aic.ri Haukoy figuring in some mining share business as prosecutor. It struck me, when I read the evidence, that Mr Haukey was a particularly soft sort of man, and the most likely man in the world to be cornered by amateur financiers.

Mr Editor, you are out of the fashion. You have not had a shy at the new Judges. Perhaps you are stolid enough to think that the room for choice is not so very extended, and that those stupid people composing the Ministry m ule the best selection they could under the circumstances. But I think, you know, that when they had the opportunity day after day of noticing the brilliant displays of talent and temper made by gentlemen who, no doubt, think they shouM have been thought of, it was to say the least of it, a great lack of judgment to select as a Judge a gentleman like Mr Williams, whose only qualifications seem to be the characteristics of a perfect gentleman, a long acquaintance with office work, and an unruffled demeanour. Such qualities, you know, are not at all likely to develop into a suitable Judge. Had he only, in addition to those, been able to point to a long career of wrangling and speechifying, ah ! then he might have been fit. But ihen you know, sir, when we can’t get what we like, we must like what we get. What a relief to get away from the verbiage of the schools and to stumblo upon an outburst of genuine homely language, and the more so when such natural eloquence is backed by all the weight and authority of the Bench. The defendant said he would sooner “ clear out” than pay his money. His Worship: “Then you will be brought back by the scruff of the neck.” There was no misunderstanding such language. The man could not plead ignorance after that, as he might have. His Worship told him he would be arrested. It is a blessing that some men in authority appreciate the beauties of words and terseness of expression. That is dreadful news from Christchurch, sir. The supply of news stopped to one newspaper for commenting on a public institution. Of course others will follow. Then comes dismay. The regularity and interesting nature of the

telegrams has been so miserable that 1 feel as if we wore all about to be extinguished. What on some days would I have done without the important telegrams, for instance, that a Bam felt affronted at some language some man used; or that certain City Councillors indulged in a shindy, or other equally interesting subjects ? But perhaps it will all be for our good. We a * o(> much liberty, these gentlemen think, and our pens wag too freely. But this is a very limited sphere for such elevated ideas to be carried out in. Paris or Berlin would, I venture in the most humble way to suggest, be far more suitable for gentlemen who cannot stand a little scrubbing. There, you know, all you would have to do, gentlemen, would be to come m and smash the types and walk the editor off to limbo —that is ifl you were Bismarck or M'Mahon, An apology is my delight. lamin my element eating humble pie—swallowing the leek—humility; that’s my speciality. I would be pained to be thought anything else. Then you may fancy how pleased I was to hear that a humble apology was to be expected from certain people to soothe the sorrows of'certain other people. It is a very nicely worded apology—and a few who perhaps were not before acquainted with the subject of the row are now qualified to form an opinion—and reminds me strongly of the_ anxiety of Dan O’Connell for the knees of his breeches when he apologised to the House, and added quietly, “I never was in so dirty a house in my life.” If that is the sort of humble apology that contents people, they would be overwhelmed and feel hurt at the full and ample manner in which such a welcome subject would be treated by one who is never so happy as when exhibiting his HtJMILITT.