TELEGRAPHIC TRASH.

Evening Star, Issue 3355, 20 November 1873, Page 3

TELEGRAPHIC TRASH.

{From the Nelson Mail.) I have devoted much time of late to the Eerusal of telegrams with which the papeis ave been more than usually crowded during the past week, and I begin to think that when a really good Punch is established in bew Zealand, it wi 1 find ample food for amusement in the telegraphic columns of the daily journals. Ido not mean to say that leading articles and local paragraphs are always proof against the shafts of a humorous critic, but the more costly portion of the news of the day offers an especially inviting theme to anyone disposed to be funny thereon. In the first place I should recommend the abolition of the heading “ Telegraphic Intelligence, and suggest that the column should appear somewhat in this fashion ; nor. Mr Fortunatus, who recently occupied the comparatively obscure post of town clerk, has mariied Miss Moneybags, who is said to have a fortune of her own of LIO,OOO. —Mrs Prolific has given birth to three children all of a heap. The Colonial Treasurer is gomp to do somebody else's work, and tke olßce hours are to be from 9 30 to 9.40, instead ol from 10 to 4. Mrs Careless’s little girl had her nose scalded tlo other day by the steam from the spout of a ketlie. Jt is not likely to prove very serious. —Mr Handicap’s Scrubber and Mr blackleg’s Dinger ran as exciting race to day for live bob a side. —lt is said that Mr Dash will resign from the contest for the Superiutendency in favor oi Mr Blank—Mr Dash denies that he has any intention of resigning —The Caraudini’s had a good house last night.—The hairless horst ate a pound of lollies and wagged his tail twice yesterday in the presence of several little boys. He is going to Nelson tomorrow. —All the single girls who arrived b> the i-hip Matrimony yesterday were engaged this morning.—A ship is signalled, supposed to be the Flying Dutchman.—The ship signalled yesterday was not the Flying Dutchman.—lt looks like rain.—The weathei cleared last night —Mr .Smith was elected Town Councillor this morning vice Mr Brown resigned, &c., &c., &c. There is very little exaggeration about the above, which fairly repre eut a great many of the items of telegraphic news for which newspaper proprietors are called upon to pay and which the public are supposed to read Were not the telegraph agents in such a Lurry to forward this rubbish, it certainly would never be read outside the immediate locality where the events occur, for no editor or sub editor would think of clipping it from the local papers, and yet it is thought worth' to be telegraphed at a cost of about a farthing a word, bo paper with a large circulation would object to pay for really interesting news, but as such matters are at present managed, the telegraph leads to an expenditure as large as it is toolish and uncalled for