CLIPPINGS.

Evening Star, Issue 3086, 9 January 1873, Page 3

CLIPPINGS.

Jones assimes, on coming home to dinner, tile b arimr if an outraged husband “ Why is it, Mrs Jtnes, that you ride through Wall street in tte very equipage I am struggling to you at high charge, and cut your busbmd?” Mrs Jones at once reassures bin. “ You certainly would no have your rife, from a five thousand dollar barouche, bw to a man who is at work for bis living ! An Ohic Teuton, found guilty of selling liquor contrary to law, and sentenced to be imprisoned in the country gaol for thirty days, protsted as follows “ Chad ! Me go to chal! But I can’t go 1 Dere’s my pizneea—ny pakery ! Who pokes my pread 'when I bei gone ! ” Then casting his eyes about thecourt-roora appealingly, they fell upon the ;ood matured face of jolly Chris, Eflwaner, i fellow-country man, who hud no “pizness, 1 and forthwith a brilliant idea occurred't him. Turning to the ourt, he said, in sber earnest, “ Here's Chris. Ellwaner! He’t got nothing to do; send him !”

A queeiexcuse was made by an old lady, 'The jgO'-'d woman was subpoenaed to appear ■as a mines on a very imp»rfcant case. f-he did not ,ome, and a beach-warrant was ‘issued foiher appearance, on which she was -brought tato Court. Thi presiding Judge thought it was his dutyto reprimand her. “Madan, why were younot here before?” I coulm’t comft, Sir.” “ Were you not -aubpcenad, Madam?” “Yes, Sir; but I ’wassick.’ “What was tie matter. Madam?” ■" I bad ai awful bile, Sir. ” A Her a pause, **Upon jour honour, padam? ’ “No, Sir, mpon rayarm.” . A mosfsuiguUr echo is reflected by a factory -chimney feethigh, in Boston, The chimney was lubt j/i connection with the ‘Roxburgh Chenical but shortly after nts erection th» factory was b#rnt down, the xhimney alon<remaining upiniurAd, It will reflect a syll/ble twelve to i opr teen times and when sich words as “Ha! ha!” are uttered, on< would think that flends possessed it, aid the demoniacal laugh which follow? is vorth miles of travel to hear, A report fron a pistol heard in this chimney if .■aoaneluingnever to be forgotten. It is lika fhe hadest thunder, and as peal after pei* crush# up, you fairly crouch with astonishmen'* The chimney is a favourite resort in -the summer, many going daily tc test its einfilar properties ■ Few visitors pave fßoton without heading it, flrs de Tomkyns (noth voce to Mr de T.) : “Indovic, dear, there’s Algernon playing wth a strange child ! Do prevent it!" M* de T. (ditto to Mrs de T ) : •« How on erth am I prevent it, my love?” Mrs & T. : “Tell its parents Algernon is just from scarlet fever, or something.” Kr de T. : “But it isn’t true!” “Mrs 49 Z 5 M Ob, never mind ; tell them all the

San w.” Mr de T, (aloud): “Ahem I Sir, yo ,’d better not let your little girl play witk mj little boy. He’s only just recovering fr< -m—er - scarlet fever !’ ’ M r and M-ra Je il.ins (toge her) : “It’s all right, sir ! so s our i illegal!" A New York mercantile house held an u 1 .isettled claim of long standing against a If me duck “ out here and healing ha was b aenming “well to do,” sent their claim on to a West' in lawyer to colh ct. In due time t hey rec ived his reply :—“Gents, you w;ll i lever get rnv spondulick from Bill Johnson. 'The undersigned called upon him yesterday, ■ and found him with nary til(ne er a hat, it is presumed, the learned lawyer meant), his feet upou the naked earth, and not clot Ins enough upon him to wad a gun. He was whistling, and so may you.” The world is growing original. Hitherto the best way of killing a baby without dangerous consequences has been popularly supposed to lie on it, but a man is repotted in a London paper to have found out a more excellent way, which cannot be too so m conveyed to the married pubic. A cbi'd, fifteen months old, being ‘ fractious,” its fond father having first tried sugar as a sedative, without effect, bethought him of a surer plan, and filled the unfortunate infant’s mouth with the contents of tbe pepper box. There was no doubt of tbe excellence of tbe plan, for the child was quiet in no time, died, in fact, in five minutes, the affectionate parent urging in his own defence that he thought the little thing was “ fond of pepper.” The court seems to have thought that the taste must have run in the family, for they gave the prisoner a good dose of pepper himself by sending him to gaol for manslaughter. Une of the things not generally known is the fact that his 1 vonor Charles Joseph La Trobe, first Superintendent of Victoria, was was once a prisoner' in the Geelong stocks. It happened*thus -While the barbarous instrument of tortnro was being erected m close proximity to the Police-court at v>eelong, Mr L i Trobe was making a tour of inspection of the Western d strict, Captain Fyans was at that lime police magistrate, and in fact generalissimo of the town. His Honor and the veteran of the Peninsula were returning from the Police-couri/ when their attention was dii seted to the stocks, then in an unfinished state. Captain Fyans dearly loved a practical joke, and, being determined to have one, even at the expense of his Honor, said to him laughingly, “ La Trobe, we cannot decide the proper height to fix the seat so as to make the most uncomfortable posture for the occup nt; just get in a moment and give your opinion.” La Trobe icplied, “With pkaure, my dear fellow,” and unsuspectingly placed his legs on the semicircles of the lower halt of the slocks. Fyans immediately let go the upper part, and down it came with a crash ; ihe circle was complete, and La Trobe was a prisoner. Whether there was any malice in the proceeding can only be guessed at, but this much is knwwn— Captain Fyans coolly walked down the hill to Mack’s Hotel, and never once looked back. La Trobe shouted, made as much noise as possible, and at length succeeded in drawing the attention, of hj gentleman who was passing, and who released him from his undignified position. This gentleman now res des in Ge long, and told the story to the writer only a day or two ago. —Melbourne Age. At tbe Liverpool police court, William Anderson, a provision merchant, trading at Liverpool, Manchester, Greenock, and London, was charged on remand with feloniously uttering forged acceptances foe LB,OOO. Mr Walton, barrister, appeared for the prosecution, and Dr. Cummins for the defence. For the prosecution it was stated that the prisoner’s firm had for many year*, banked with the Commercial Bank of Scotland. Having of late done an extensive business in discounted bills, the state of the prisoner’;! affairs with the bank becoming unsatisfactory, the Greenock agent of the ban a had an interview with him in London in September, and pressed for better security. A few days afterwards the prisoner handed to the b;nk’s agent two acceptances for 1/2000 and LI2OO respectively, purporting to be signed by Mr Richard Fills, of London, and which, it is stated, w'ere forgeries. At a subsequent interview the prisoner aranged to obtain acceptances from i/owler Brothers, of Liverpool, and sent to the head office of the bank, iu Edinburgh, four acceptances, purporting to be signed by that firm, but which were a’so stated to /e forgeries. The prisoner reserved bis defence, and was committed for trial, bail being refused. Au extremely impudent robbery of jewellery, the perpetrator of which has at present escaped detection, was committed at Kuowsley Hall, the seat of the Earl of Derby, lately, between eight and eleven p.m. Among the guests invited to stay at Knowsley Hall during the visit of the Queen of Holland, was the hon. Miss Grosvenor, who was accompanied by her lady’s maid. On Friday night, the hon. Miss Grosvenor, after arranging her toilette, joined the company in the drawing-room, leaving her jewellery quite safe in her dressing-room, the window of which was slightly opened. On her return about eleven o’clock it was discovered that an entry had been effected into the room, and the whole of the lady’s jewels had been carried away. These consisted of magnificent sets and individual articles, comprising necklaces, brooches, bracelets, lockets, chains, rings, and other articles in diamonds, pearls, torquoise. sanphirea, carbuncles, emeralds, and amethysts, and other precious stones, tbe whole arming a collection of jewellery oi great value and beamy. Hulep ndent of rhe intrinsic value of these gems, it is said that they were high y prized by Miss Grosvenor, many of them being tokens of affc tion from her mother and from ladies of high rank with whom the v> estminster family are acquainted. The estimated value of the stolen property is L3OOO. At present no clue has been obtained to the thief, but a liberal reward has been offered for such information as shall lead to his apprehension and conviction.

“The Fans Fashions Notwithstanding.” ' he principle always has been that the brightest forms, the most admirable results, are attainable by the simplest means, and that they are utterly independent of the fictitious splendours which bank notes pay for. She has not abandoned the great theory that women should be women always; that when they drift to rowdiness they lose their charm ; that distinction is the one end woith struggling for. And here it should be no ticed that distinction is not necessarily a pure gift of nature. Its noblest manifestations are. of course, dependent on physical conditions, which no use of taste, however cunning, can thoroughly replace ; but taste can do a vast deal to atone for corporeal insufficiencies, and, as regards dress alone, it is tha one guide to perfectness. But taste, m tais case, means wisdom, tect, and common sense, as well as the able ha riling of lorn and colour. Taste mea; s suitaiLness in everything—in the ch' ice of substances, ami shapes and tints whih tit the social con diiion of the wearer, as well as her personal aspect. It means not only the pursuit of a harmonious whole, but the diligent appropriation of all the smaller delicacies of detail which true women ought to practice, so that every element of their dress may support critical examination, so that no “ faults of spelling” may be discovered by an investigating eye. And it means the realisation of all this with little money. This was what most Frenchwomen used to reach ; this is w at many of them have never forgotten ; it is to this they are coming back. When they have done so thoroughly, the world may safely copy them once more'.— Blackwood's Magazine. The Geelqng Advertiser relates ;—“ Seldom or never has a more vehement or impassioned appeal on behalf of injured innocence proceeded from the dock in a court of justice than that to which the occupants of the Supreme Court, Geelong, were treated on Tuesday by Miss Price, alias the who was charged with robbing an old man turned James Sergeant, of a purse and L 6.

The prisoner was a tall, gaunt woman, of at least forty summers, whose countenance is familiar to many travelers on the (Jo he road, where she has frequently been in tne habit of pu suing tbe lab iiious ami un cm nine occupation of converting b ue;toiif into road metal. Her accuser was a lutle old man, as grey as a rat, and as lively as a terrier, who could hear all the questions put to him by the frown Prosecutor, but suddenly becaim extremely deaf when the prisoner, in a. clear shnil vow. attempted to examine him. ccordiug to his story he went to Melbourne with scrap iron, and on his icturn to Geelong with the proceeds, paid a friendly visible the house of the “ Princess,'’ joined in a drinking bout, was forcibly relieved by her “ royal highness ” of tbe purse and its contents, and was then locked up in her weather-board palace. The defence of “ Princess ” was ol a fiercely declamatory character : —“ Gentlemen of the jury,—The old grey-headed ruffian who is prosecuting me is one of the most atrocious scoundrels that ewr trod in shoe-leather. V\ hen he came to my house the first lime we ail got drunk in fact it was a drunken spree. That same night 1 pawned my cloak for 2s Cd, which I gave to him, as he was tormenting me for drink. He brought home a cow-heel to stew with a pint of beer. (Laughter.) You cannot imagine how ungrateful an old wretch he has betn. Didn’t I use to give him my hammers to steel when I was stone-breaking on the Colac Hoad. Although I have been better than iiis mother to him, he has been the first person to bring a criminal accusation against me, and I have lived in the colony since since 1849. Gentlemen, I’m an honest, hard working woman, i could alway earn my living honestly. When I could get no other work to do, I could help to do a day’s fencing, and 1 can go mid break stones with any man in the country.” The tone, the attitude, and the eloquent display made by tbe prisoner as she concluded her remarks, a-tonished, as well as amused, the judge, jury, and audience, and her defence being supported by a go d character at the hands of a wriMressed female witness, she was innnccllately auj uitted.

Dr Hall has written a long article to prove that it is unhealthy for a man and his wife to sleep in the same room ; but the eHitoa of the New York Commercial knows some wives who would make it decidedly unhealthy for their husbands to sleep anywhere else.

[t is that when a Russian husband, neglects to beat his vvi£c fur a mo.itm or two, she begins to be alarmed at his md.(Terence.

A lawyer included in his bill against a client To waking up in the night and thinking about your case, six-and-eight pence. ” At the Vasa Police Court on the 4th in t., objection was taken by one of the attorneys employed, to taking on oath the evidence of an aboriginal ; and, strange to say, he suec -ehed in getting the Bench to coincide in the opinion he expressed. The argument employed was, that in 1539 the Legislature of New tmuth Wales passed a measure on the subject, the last clause of the Act specially rendering it inoperative unless approved of by the Home Government. Her Majesty disallowed the Act, and the draft of unacceptable bill was returned and recommended for adoption ; but the Legislature in the Colony never passed the proposed measure, and consequently the law continued unaltered. It was aigued from this that the Legislature had admitted the necessity of placing restrictions on the evidence of aboriginals in courts of law, although it had failed to cany into effect any law on the subject. The attorney on the other sid , declined to argue the matter, and we can scarcely feel surprised at his so doing. _ In the case referred to, the witness is a halfcaste, had never been a wanderer in the bush, was brought up a Christian, had been baptised, and stated that he is a member of the Church of England. He is black tracker in the police lorce stationed at Vass, and has, unquestioned, given evidence at tho superior courts from time to time held in Vass. If the opinion urged by the attorney and held by the Bench is correct, all we have to say is that dozens of persons have in time past been illegally executed, for in many capital charges the evidence of aboriginals, less intelligent than the one referred to, has been accepted without question, and upon their testimony conviction has followed. The matter has been referred to the AttorneyGeneral for his opinion. A Virginia paper says they have begun there to indicate heat by the number of times a day that people have to change their collars. Last week, it says, the weather attained a “ three-collar heat.” New York seems to be hottest of all. It would probably require a boxful of collars to indicate the degree of heat under which the following verses were produced. They appear in the New York Punchinello :—

Oh, for a lodge in a garden of cucumbers ! Oh, for an iceberg or two to control! Oh, for a vale which at mid-day the dew cumbers! Oh, for a pleasure trip up to the Pole ! Oh, for a little one-storey thermometer, With nothing but zeros all ranged in a row ; Oh, for a big double-barrelled hydrometer, To measure the moisture that roll from my brow! Oh, that “ this cold world” were twenty times colder—

(That’s irony red-hot, it seemeth to me); Oh, for a turn of its dreadfu cold shoulder; Oh, what a comfort an ague would be ! Oh, for a grotto to typify heaven, Scooped in the rock under cataract waste; Oh, for a “ winter of discontent” even ; Oh, for a wet blankets judiciously cast! Oh, for a soda-fountain spouting up boldly From very hot lamp-post against the hot sky! Oh, for a proud maiden to look on me coldly ! Freezing my soul with a glance of her eye ! Oh, for a draught from a cup of cold pizen ! And, oh, for a resting-place in the cold grave ! With a bath in the Styx, where the deep shadow lies on And deepens the chill of its dark running wave!

Lawyers make a paint of cross questioning witnesses in a merciless manner. Sometimes the former get the worst of it. “ William Lock, who made you !” demanded a learned counsellor. William, who was considered a fool—screwed up his face, and looking thoughtfully and somewhat bewildered, replied—“ Moses, 1 s’pose !” “That will do,” said the counsellor, addressing the Court. “The witness says he supposes .-OSes made him; that is an intell gent answer—more than I thought him capable of giving, for it shows that be Pas some faint idea of Scripture, i submit that it is nob sufficient to entitle him to be sworn as a witness capable of giving evidence.” “Mister Judge,” said the fool, “ may I ax the lawyer a question ?” “ Certainly,” said the judge. “Well then, Mr Lawyer, who • dye s’pose made you?’ “Aaron, 1 s’pose,” said the lawyer, initiating the witness fter the mirth had somewhat subsided, the witness drawled out—“ Wa’al neow, we do read in the book that Aaron once made a calf, bub who’d a thought the critter’d got in here ?” Li e was sworn. Burlesque. —The following is a good burlesque imitation of Victor Hugo’s style : The sun was shining. The ocean stirred gently in its sleep. As we cross Calais Bar tho vessel rolls. I like it not. Can she be strong enough for the traverse, often fearful and stonnv, to Louvres ? I begin to marvel whether she is made of iron, or only made of wood. I address the question, politely to a young English sportsman by my side, “ Pardon, Mister, but what is the vessel made of?” A spasm of uncertainty, if not of pain, passes across his face as he points to an inscription inside the paddle-boxes. One can only die one time ; nevertheless, it is permitted to exclaim against the perlidy of the steam lords of the Board of Commerce for Loudon and Louvre. I read the inscription. Hope abandons me. She is not made of iron. She is not even made of wood. She is only Maid of Kent,

For a sharp interpretation of a bargain, commend me to the Hobson’s Bay Railway Company. That much vilified corporation, anxious to pr 'mote cmburbrn settlement, some time ago offered a three years’ ticket gratis to anyone building a house of a certain va’ue in a desguated district. A gentleman in possession of one of these tickets bad a lame quantity of hay burnt by a spark from a Hobson's EHy Railway locomotive. The sufferer made a claim for his Joss, which was over 120 After incubation, the decision of the Board was conveyed to the claimant—he was generously offered the option of withdrawing his claim for his burnt hay, or of returning liia free pass. (There was a loophole in the conditions which em])OW( red the board lo recall it.) After careful calculation the sufferer found it would he cheaper to sacrifice hie hay claim and cling to his travelling-pass. Mow, isn’t this driving a man into the corner ? Why should he be compelled to abandon a common law right because he had the miffortune to be a contract traveller i i the power of the board of the railway company ?