PUNCH’S INTERVIEW WITH CHANG.

Evening Star, Volume VIII, Issue 2459, 3 January 1871, Page 2

PUNCH’S INTERVIEW WITH CHANG.

(From the London Punch.) Toby rushed into the Presence, much disconcerted, and growling. “ Well, my faithful, what is it ? Anybody want to cat you ? ”

The intelligent creature nodded, intimating that his master had just hit it. “ Giant waiting, sir, ” said the Groom of the Cigars, entering. “I have seen such a lot of them,” said Punch discontentedly. “There was Goliath of Gath, Maximin the Emperor, Gahara of Arabia, John Middleton of Halo, Patrick Cotter the Irish giant, Big Sain of Carlton Palace, and a dozen more of overgrown humanities. I don’t much care about him. (iive him a handful of sovereigns, and send him off,” “Buthe-—” “Answering me and providing yourseP, Alphonso, is one and the same thing, as my friend M rs Varderr observes. However, 1 see that you are under gigantic inliuenee. Speak again. ’ ‘ ‘ He—which his name is Chang—is humbly eager to see you, sir. ” “ That wish shows more brains than Lis kind usually own. Gratify his humble eagerness. Pear nothing, Toby. Under our eye, his Chinese appetite shall be curbed.” Chang stood in the Presence. Toby evinced cou'iuued ill-feeling. “ Now, big ’un, what’s up?” asked Mr Punch. Observe that, with his usual independence, he selected the smallest words for the largest auditor. Had the latter been a dwarf, Mr Punch would probably have requested an intimation of tire circumstances which had induced the requisition of that interview. ‘ 1 Cousin of the stars, ” said Chang; ‘ ‘ your intolerably unworthy servant tenders you Iris worthless acknowledgments of the priceless b on of admission to your unparalleled presence. lie reverentially thanks you for the extraordinary countenance you have been pleased to show him.” “ I don’t know that my countenance is so extraordinary, Gigas. Fascinating, intellectual, impressive, perhaps.” “ Your slave’s abominable vocabulary is atrociously inadequate to the occasion,” said Chang; “but he intended to refer to the patronage which your Eminence has been pleased to extend to him and to his brother Anak.” “I always foster rising geniu-,” said Mr Punch ; “ even when it rises to the height

of eight feet, or whatever you call yourself. I have immortalised you in my pages. Well, what next ?”

‘ ‘ The unpardonable ambition of your slave astounds himself “ Nothing astounds me—go it.” “ His abased and obnoxious soul lives in one hope only, if lie might venture to utter it.” “Utter away, then, can’t you, Gigas? Don’t waste time. December days arc not as long as you.” “ Your graciousne's transports your slave into a region of bliss aid fiowers. Might he, then, dare to beg that, all unworthy as he is, he may be enrolled among the Sacred Baud of Notables the Band of your Contributors ?” Toby signified his decided objection to the proposed addition to the Staff. “By Kooug-foo-tse, whom the Jesuitcs called Confucius—you believe in Confucius, I trust, by the way ?” said Mr Punch. “ 1 hope, my dear Chang, that you are not a proselyte of Fan-Shin, the unbeliever, 449, A. u.” “ Never heard of him,” said Chang. “ Nor did I,” said Mr Punch, aside, “until I looked into the ‘Dictionary of Dates.’ 1 am glad to hear it, Chang. I could not have entertained overtures from an atheistic giant. It is only the dwarfs whom I permit to be profane. I was going to say, Chang, that you have asked a big thing.” “ Your slave is a big thing.” “He is. But do you know what qualities arc required in a contributor to Punch ?’' “All the virtues, all the graces, all the arts, and all the sciences.” “Yes, that is all very well for a beginning,” said Mr Punch, smiling indulgently. “ But there must be much more. He mu t have an ample fortune, that he may be removed from all sordid influences; an impressionable heart, that he may ho enabled to touch the heart of woman ; inspiration of the highest order, that he may wife poetry ; and a profound conviction that he is the only person in the world who understands anything about anything whatsoever. Do you possess all this, Chang, my son ?’? “Your unapproachable Eminence has taught me a golden lesson,” said the giant, bending hamVy over the great teacher, “ You have taught me how great you are, and how small 1 am.” “Then,” said Mr Punch gently, “ I have placed you on the first step of the ladder which you would ascend. Go—and study. It may be that when wc next me ;t I may grant your prayer. In the meantime, make this book your Ly-King—your manual of all the relations of life.” So saying, Mr Punch gratified the giant with his forty-ninth volume.