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Evening Star, Volume VIII, Issue 2304, 24 September 1870, Page 2

An Irishman's Plan for Getting a Cheap Ripe. —The conductors of rad way trains in America hold a somewhat different position to ihat of guards in this c Untry, They collect money on the journey, rpd givg tickets to the passengers, .immediately 1 efore starting from any station, the con. doctor runs along the pV-forui, and cries out, “All aboard!” and the train then start*. On one occasion the guard, going his round, observed, with the quick eye which practice alone can give, a passenger, in a tram of 200 or 300 persons, who had not paid his fare, lie inquired of the defaulter, an Irishman, “Wlnre’s your ticket, sir?’ Said Paddy, “ Sure, I haven’t got one, yer honor.” “Where’s your money?” “ Divil a red cent have I got.” “ I shall turn you out at the next station,” was the reply. As soon as the train stopped, Paddy was rather roughly ejected. The conductor walked along the cars again, calling out as usual, “ All aboard !” When the train had been some time iu motion, he ovalked through the carriages, and, to his great surprise, discovered the Irishman snugly seated in a corner. In a towering rage he said, “Didn’t I turn vou out at the last station ?” The man replied—“To be sure ye did, y.r honor; but I thought as I was a poor man your heart wanned towards me, and you’d altered your mind intirely ; for didn’t I hear you call out ‘ All aboard !’ and bow the blazes could we be all aboard if I was left behind ?” The conductor burst out laughing, and said, “All right, old fellow ; you’re good for a ride.” — ]Vat kit's A iitobloymphj/. Johnny isf just beginning to learri geograpli3r. He ~saya the Poles live partly at one end ot the globe and partly at the other. He knows it i# so because it is nicked on the map.