POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 93, 16 October 1940, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

I OmacSiaun. —It would appear that j the Italians should tell their stories ol I naval "victories" to the marines. i * * * ! We don't know what to call this j war, but sooner or later Hitler will ; want to call it off. i ■» ■* * It is on the cards that presently the Axis gangsters will have a feast of Turkish Delight. \ * •■»•... i The model German: Blonde as Hit« ler,, tall and stror.g as Goebbels, manly as Roehm, and modest as Goering. * * * j Japan's new Ambassador to Moscow I proposes to start his negotiations with a clean slate. Will Molotov, remembering his schooldays, spit on it? « * * INFORMATION DEPARTMENT. Dear Percy Flage,—Through the courtesy of Column 8 I wonder if you could answer me this question: How much a week does a warrant officer, 2nd Class, in the Army, married, and with one child 11 years old, receive? Hoping you will oblige. Yours truly, ANXIOUS. In New Zealand, the warrant officer receives 14s 6d a day (including 3s a day for the wife and Is 6d for the child) and overseas 17s a day. * * * COCKNEY. Do you ask me if I'm proud to be a Londoner? Of the breed that now have proved that they can take it? I'll say that I am proud to be a Londoner, And we'll also prove to Hitler we can make it. The good old Cockney breed Who long have sown the seed Of the "Thumbs up," philosophical outlook Will work, and do, and die Till they've nailed the Nazi lie, And brought the Fuhrer and his hordes to book. H.M.H. Levin. * * * LONG WORDS. Whats the longest word in the English language? asks Ripley. The word most frequently cited is honorificabilitudinitatibus, which is to be found in Shakespeare's "Love's Labour Lost." To the Puritan divine Byfeld we owe incircumscriptibleness. To William E. Gladstone we owe disestablishmentarianism. An examination of any treatise on chemistry will reveal several like this: paraoxymetamethoxyallylbenzene. Among modern German words is Schutzengrabenvernichtungsauto mobile, which contains thirty-six letters to express what in English we call a military "tank." You can give your tongue a rest by pronouncing this little Czech phrase: Strc prst skrz krk. Literally translated, this twister means "thrust finger through neck." (Contributed by Bth Columnist, Taita.) * * # JAMES SCOBIE. "Exiled Aussie" wants to know our opinion of the merits of James Scobie (lately dead), compared with the late Dick Mason. Our opinion—such as it is—is that both were mighty men at the game. Both could boast a sterling record, and some of their outstanding successes gave the bookmakers cold shivers. We had the privilege of meeting both of these masters. Scobie was as reticent as Mason. When we were over in Melbourne in November, 1924, "doing the races," Scobie advised us to put a "few shillings" on Stand Off in the Melbourne Cup; he thought the horse a certainty. He would have been . . . had he not struck leg trouble on Cup morning. Scobie assured me that Stand Off, who was an unlucky horse, was just as good as Gloaming over a mile. (Gloaming made his one and only appearance at Flemington that year, beatting Whittier in the Melbourne Stakes.) Mason was on the same boat home as we were, and over a "spot" or two ha told us quite a few thrilling yarns—not for publication. He had only one bet on Gloaming: £600 to £100, whea Gloaming won the Chelmsford Stakes— his first race. « * * THE INVASION THAT DIDN'T COME OFF. .. Now here's to the white cliffs of Dover, That Hitler just views with regret, And here's to the old English Channel That makes England's foes rather wet; And here's to the Navy and Air Force At which Hitler ventured to scon% For when Hitler said, "Boo!" They replied, "Same to you!" And his little plans didn't come off. For Hitler sent out invitations That many might see the great sight Of his dashing invasion of England And the absolute end of the fight But the Channel said, "Not on your life, sir!" And up came the waves with a roar; And the Air Force said, "Ho! We're still here, don't you know, _ And we're taking a hand in this war!" So Hitler still waits by the Channel And gnashes his teeth in despair, i While the Channel makes sport of hit I barges, And so do the boys of the air. So here's to the old English Channel, At which Hitler ventured to scoff, For our papers disclose He'll be one more of those i Whose invasions just haven t com* off! T •I. * * * SMOKE—OR MOONSHINE? Dear Flage,—Among other sayings, our cynic delivered himself of the following:—"The woman who smokes does it as naturally as the man who baths the baby." Does this falsify the old adage: "Practice makes perfect"? Does the confirmed woman smoker who has postponed the bathing of her first baby until her thirty-third year do so as "naturally" as a man donning the wifely apron for the first time in the family bathroom? Or does instinct operate in the respective accomplishments? If so, how can we reconcile the agonies depicted in that "moving" picture of our youth: "His First Cigar"? The truth is that the young "handyman" who tackles babybathing from his "infancy" in the married state, is more proficient at thirty-three (this relates to age—not progeny!) than the expert lady smoker having her first belated "splash" at the pastime at that age. A competent referee, or judge, is usually necessary to settle differences of opinion. Who more competent to judge and express an unbiased opinion of both sides, in this instance, than the babies themselves? Poor little beggars! How can they until too late to be of any personal use to them! Has any man lost a baby down the bathroom plug. hole—when his back was turned? GJ*.

Levin,