POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVI, Issue 155, 29 December 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle arid Comment

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It takes fast women to run a men oil his feet. # * « Wisdom in Morocco: Consult ycur wife and act contrary to her advice. * * • Although a tramcar has its faults, it can go straight home, no matter how full it is. • . • • A schoolboy in a letter to his parents wrote: None of the boys had much! sleep during the gale, owing to the fact that there were a couple of loose widows in the dormitory. • » .. * Th^n there was the politician who said he was entirely open to conviction but would like to see anybody who could convince him. - • "■.■' ••■■■'• • ,- A Japanese, in Seattle, Washington^ recently tacked this notice on his vegetable stand, reports' "Collier's": "Vege» table nice and fresh and do'not car* anything about United States secreti' like navy and "fortification." ■■■. ■■ "■. .• » • X AD INFINITUM. ' * Patient (calling on family doctor): Doctor, my son has scarlet fever, and the worst 'part about it is that he admits he got it from kissing the housemaid. - .Doctor'(soothingly): Young people will do thoughtless things. Patient: But don't you see, doctor, to be plain with you, I've kissed that girl myself. < Doctor: By jove, that's too bad,Patient: And to make matters worse, as I kissed my wife every 'morning and night, I'm afraid that she too—ADoctor (wildly): Good heavens. I, will have it, too! ** v * THIRST-QUENCHING TREE. In the waterless areas of South Australia and the Northern Territory, bushmer have often been saved from perishing for want of water by extracting this life-giving fluid from , the / needlewood tree, writes A. H^ Greville. An aboriginal station hand from the outback relates how he; himself -was saved;., and explains the method. After digging up the tree a billy is held under the roots,/and the head of the tree fired. The heat from the fire causes the -noisture to soak down the tree trunk to the roots and is conserved by the billy. From an average-sized tree about one quart of fresh water may be obtained. ■ ..;■■." ■..'■■ * #■.'♦■ NOTHING TOO SMALL. This one was taken from a bunch of varied news sent us by Bro. Hall, New York. When anything happens on the New York Independent City-owned' Rapid i Transit Railroad System is the „ official name for the municipal subway, a report must be filled out. Recently there appeared at the Board of Transportation this Signal Section In*, terruption or Unusual Occurrence Re^ port from the Delancey Street Section, "BZ lane:— . Attempted Suicide, Location, E«» B'way Station.^ Occurred 1.45 p.m. Train Held 0 Mins. Motorman J; Doris, Badge No. 2403. Operating Motor No, .1091, .due to leave Church Aye. at 1.26, dve1 to arrive1 at I69th ■St. at 2.30 P.M. ■*'.-" While working on Track B-l in E. B'way Station I was'-notified by-a passenger that a live chicken either jumped or was pushed in front of train on Track B-2. Upon investigation found chicken uninjured in trough, outside of a slight discoloration of grease and other particles of dirt found in road- ' bed, chicken was returned to its> owner, all in one piece. No signal •equipment involved. Reported by Sig^ Mtr. Kenny. Signed. Alfred J. Morgan, record clerk. <*.'■•'■■• • ACROSTIC. A is for Art, which is Sex made mimetic, and B is for the Bolshies, whose zest is pathetic; C is for Children—once born, to be borne, and D for the Damns when your temper is worn. E's for, the Ego—must not be repressed, and F is, for Freud (be his Id ever blest!) • G is for God, how quite second',to Golf, and H for the'-Huxleys, who polished him off. I's Immaturity—not quite the thing, and J is for Jazz, to make your nights swing. , *. ' X is for Knowledge, and knowledge for show, and L is for Love, (just a trifle de trop) - M's for life's Meaning, which some think they see, and N's for the Nothing you'll find it to be. O's for Opinions, a vice of the young, and P's for your Parents, who ought to be hung. Q's for your Questions, which bore us to tears, and R's the Replies you receive, little dears! S is 'for Schonberg ("atonal"'s the word), and T is for Truth, which is rather absurd. U's for the Universe, no end by poor' means—and V's for the Verse you'll exude in your 'teens. - ■ W's for Work, which is pointless as ! play, and X for Xcitement, now rather passe. . * . V's for the Yawn one prefers to the Grin, and Z is for Zeal—the original sin. MORMON. "New Statesman and Nation." ♦ ■■■#:•■ ' MOSQUITOES. Sit around and let's ' talk of mosquitoes. In 1933 beetle-browed Rugby scientists made the momentous discovery that the hum, you heard at night around your bed was the call of the female mosquitoes to the male. In other .words, a case of sex-appeal over again. Mosquitoes have been variously described as "a child of black and white' parents." "a small insect designed by God to make us think better of flies." "a character created by a famous French novelist and played with great success by Douglas Fairbanks/* and "a ——! nuisance." 4 ' Anent coping with the nuisance. Perhaps the best way is to smack 'em to .death with the old- hands. They there is citronella, which keeps, c 2 one's friends as well as the mosqutoes . . . at least we have been to! 4 six The wild-azid-wsoSiest remedy c* all was .launched by an enterprising Bengali youth'in the early Ws, wiio advertised it as "guaranteed to kill all mosquitoes in a! aeeo.neL" The rush, was an epic one, but' ft was sherl-livea* When you opened the parcel—it waa always "money aheikti"—you found two small and polished slats of wood with, the following directions: "Place thb on one slat and press harfl with the other: guaranteed to kill; in one. second."'His grandchildren $rfe-'..----still in Calcutta,"bowling along 'the "Avenue" in shining Bugattis and Cadillacs. ' " Finally, children, we! conclude tha lecture with this not-to-be-challenged fact: The female of the Culicidae species is more—much more—deadly than the male. Good-night, ,