POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVI, Issue 137, 7 December 1938, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Motorists and pedestrians: Don't let your Christmas box be one with handles on each side. «• ■» ■ * ■ "Agitated Ajax" (he's in the business) wants to know if any attempt will be made to control the importdtion of postholes and mares' nests. •» » * SYDNEY, December 4. Sailed. —Storm, for Dunedin. It arrived all right! * ■* * Seemingly the only right left to tho German Jews is that they can remain, German Jews. NAME COINCIDENCES. "Bish" reports on a shop sign Li, , Vivian Street the names Boyle and Bust ("Anon" also noticed it). Further, according to "Bish," there was once a firm of solicitors in Sydney in which the partners were I. Catchem and U. Ghetem —believe it or not. " TOUGH SLAPJACKS.N Dear Flage,—The other evening two' seafarers, with a' few handles in, had1 just come out of a tearoom, -and one of them remarked, in a Cockney ac- . cent: "Blime, Scotty, wasn't the panScotty burst out laughing, and ther. replied: "That wis nae pancakes you wis eatin'; that wis the cork mats off the table." . P.S.—Seems a bit of a corker, don't you think so? SCOTTY MORRIS. «■ •» ♦ " WISECRACKS. What about these:— "Babies are an expensive luxury, says a writer. The stork has a long bill. We learn that the game of draughts , j is the latest craze among Hollywpod actresses. They take each other's men. . ~ A tailor has built a house of blue serge, so we read. You should see the sitting-room. "Motor-cyclist hits train" ("Evening Post" caption). The big bully. "The young man thought he was really-hard-boiled." But found he was only half-baked. "It's the toughest job teaching the modern youngster good manners. When the little brats hardly ever see any/ • ' • JON. FOOD IS NICE . . .? " Talking of food (begins A.L.G.) your, par of Saturday sent me among somcy of my newspaper clippings, with these results. Haile Selassieis a great lover of kippers! So is sculptor Epstein! Teddy of Windsor, somewhat Spartan in his eating habits, is very fond of tea and cheese. Welsh rabbit is his favourite dish. President Roosevelt is very British in his tastes. He, has a passion for "hot dogs," and would, if Mrs. Roosevelt permitted,. have them. at formal banquets. "It never seems, to be- a real party for Franklin," says Mrs. Roosevelt, "unless there is a dish of 'hot dogs'!", The delicately-nurtured Evelyn Layer, English actress, enjoy* nothing so well as roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Winston Churchill cooks excellent cutlets, but - his favourite dish consists of ham cut into tiny pieces and served with fresh figs! .V » -a ■ : • v BRAIN-TEASER. So far a quiet time on the, brainteaser front ... no word from several of the old-timers, and onl; four correct solutions to hand. Perhaps Santa Claus's call is proving too great a distraction? Or was the weekend blizzard just too much for sensitive minds? Diana landed home first—a call early on Saturday evening. Close on her heels came*Ali Baba (without the forfar thieves). Later, a member of the far-flung Anonymous family broke the silence questioning the intellectual value of such problems, and so on. . ... P.H. (Kilbirnie) was third in the run home, 8.8. fourth, and A. Me A.. Paraparaumu, also started. . As for the equalogues—to date merely three have tackled them, none qualifying for a pass. We warned those interested that the list containeu several wicked ones: possibly this frightened off clients with inferior complexes. "Con Reader" (Lower Hutt) laid these traps most guilefully (we were nearly caught in one ourselves): v she seems to have a flair for Vuat sort of thing. What about somebody retaliating? * * * . .■-.'"■■ MERELY NONSENSE. The wind is rising in the west, the ser. is rack'd with pain. It throws its frothy foaming spray, our vessel shows disdain, And through the storm her way keepc on, her harbour now is near ... A coral isle, a dusky maid, AND a pint of beer. Life's a fluke, we all are apt to be a , jest of Fate Some go up and. some go down, some early and some-late. But still we cling, trust Hope to bring our haven quickly near . . . A coral isle, a dusky maid, AND a pint of beer. And so we sing of Aulci Lang Syne, of bonnie, boney Jane, Of beer (called booze), the latest news, and "How are things in Spain?" But on the deck of our "Fleetwing" we dance and loudly cheer . . . A coral isle, a dusky maid, AND a pint of beer. A.H.K. » * » A GIANT SOLDIER.' Dear Flage,—Your column has a gigantic popularity, but when you turned to paragraphs about giants you __ unwittingly did an injustice to Scot- ' land by not mentioning a Scottish giant who visited New Zealand over twenty years ago.* This giant (I have forgotten his name) could not claim any .records in height beyond Bft 4in, but he was a giant of giants in that he was built to proportion, and was a truly magnificent figure. In addition he served his Queen with a Highland regiment in South Africa, and wore the Queen's Medal and a good deal of padding in one shoe to take the place of half a foot that had been shot away. I am sorry to iave to admit that he was making a living by dis-. playing himself as a sideshow. I saw him at the Invercargill Summer Show, and as I entered his marquee two Southland Scots in front of me exchanged the opinion thai? the giant was no Scot but claimed that nationality because the kilt made him lopk big. As soon as we came before the giant one of the Soets spoke to him in Gaelic. The giant replied in the same tongue and the local Scot hailed him as a "brither" and the two "tore the tartan" for some minutes. The bond of a common tongue was so great that the Southland Scot persuaded the giant to play the pipes, a thing that he declined to do as part of the show, as he said he was weary enough with sitting all day without burning 1 imself into a musical entertainment. Some of his visitors appeared to have doubts about the "music" and I gainerl the impression (perhaps unjustly) that ht was reluctant to add to the show with out extra charge. ■ SOUTHLAND SCOT,