Page 26 Advertisements Column 1

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 132, 5 June 1937, Page 26

WHEE! A man rushed out of a house, across the pavement, jumped high into the air, and fell in the gutter heavily. A passer-by rushed to his assistance, lifted him up, and said: "You did a very funny thing just then." "Yes,":replied the other,."l thought I'd left my bicycle outside." LONG DISTANCE. He held her in his arms and gazed into her sweet blue eyes. ' "What would you do if I tried to kiss you?" he asked heavily. "Yell for father," she retorted. He sprang away from her and gulped nervously. , , "Great scot!" he cried. "I thought he was in, Paris." "That's right, he is." WELL MEANT. . The Minister was contemplating the new baby. "Well, now that you have seen him, said the fond mother, "who do you think he is like." The guest looked at the child for a moment, and said: "Well, of course, intelligence has not yet dawned in his face, but he is wonderfully like both of you." AHA! ' "I called to make an appointment with the dentist." '.. "He's out just now." "Ah! When do you expect him to be out again?" NO COMPLIMENT. Fair Artist: I hope you don't mind my sketching1 in your field? ' Farmer: Oh dear, no, miss. You keep the birds away better than any scarecrow. IT'S PERFECT. "Is that hair tonic any good?" "Say, I spilled some of it on my comb last week, and now it's a brush. PROBLEM. "When I was a baby I was left an orphan." "What did you do with it? / M) CONTEST. "Well, Sam, I see you're back for fighting with your wife. Liquor again? "No, sah, ledge; she licked me dis time." MORE COMFORTABLE. Hotel Clerk: Inside or outside room, ■ Quest: ' Inside, I guess: it looks like rain. OF COURSE. Mike: Phwat d'ye do wid trousis when ye wear thim out? Pat: Wear thim home again! FOR MORE SALES APPEAL. "What an interesting life you are living these past few weeks. How do you explain it?" .., "I'm trying to do things that will make interesting reading in my autobiography." SAD CASE. "MacTavish is a victim of the unemployment situation," "He is? How?" . ■ "He, couldn't find work during his vacation." FOR FUNDS. "Is your brother, the author, still writing for money,?" »Yes—but daddy never answers him now." ' . HELPFUL. Tenant (to landlord): The roof leaks V Lantt Hmm, I see. Remind me to send over some umbrellas. ALL RIGHT. "Isn't she a beauty?" "She has more beauty than knowle"Tha?fallOnght. I have an encyclopaedia." j _ DECEPTION.. ■ Brown: Is your wife ec°"°™j,ca^ lv » Jones:; Yes, sometimes. She had only twenty-six candles on her fortieth birthday. '' ' A BAD SIGN. . "So all your daughters are married n°'Yes, the last one left us last week." "It must be nice to get them all off y°'Welf nitf nice enough to get your daughters off your hands, but what we Sdon F t like Is having to keep our sons-in-law on their feet. FURTHER INFORMATION. Auntie: You must promise me not to use two words, my dear. One is swell, and the other is rotten. Freda: What are the words, auntie? HIS DIFFICULTY. Father: If sitting with your back to. the engine made you feel sick why didn't you ask someone to change PlYo1elY"e U?weren't nobody else in t' carriage to ask. 'REASONABLE* BEQUEST. Machinist (nervously, h°ld]£f spoiled work): Please, are you the Overlooker? MrcStfViC-wKu overlook this work? I scrapped it. A HINT. Mr. Pecker: You know, dear, I once thing like--that? THE PURCHASER. "And we will deliver all this furniture you have chosen for a first payment of one pound down. "Good enough. I think I ought to be. able to scrap! that together amongst my friends." . • OH, YES. She was pretty and spoke with _ a delightful accent The cashier s heart beat fast as she handed him a check. "I'm afraid you haven't endorsed this correctly.". plied the SshiS. -W>»',,l »"» t0 "Age twenty-one," she wrote. GUESS AGAIN. The blonde chorus girl was "resting" between engagements, and decided to visit,a fortune-teller at Southend to know what the future, had in StThe ffort hune-teller gazed mysteriously into the crystal for some time. "Youne lady " she murmured at last, "I If two men who are fighting for your hand in marriage. One, is a middle-aged, homely millionaire. The other is young and handsome, but I^JjreS fhe "Cde, filled Wi Ohncfm to erle ie tne ig&SELr gazed fi^I dl s yee init° went on. "You will marry the handsome young man without any money. The chorus girl leaned back in her chair and laughed. , "Guess again!" she remarked. DICTATED BUT NOT READ. "But I thought—" began the typist m"!rs y'not your business to think," snapped the manager. Just you take Pdown what I say, word for word and keep your own ideas to yourself. So that afternoon the following letter was brought to him to sign:— "Dear Mr. Browne—Write it with an 'c' Pure swank—his father was a gardener.- With regard to your letter, of whatever date it was. I ran nuote you the following prices. Hi! Thompson! It's that outsider Browne. How much shall we stick on? Twenty per cent,? Make it 30? Righto. Thirty, dollars a ton. Awaiting your esteemed order, I am yours truly. That's settled him.