POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 36, 11 August 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

Bi Perot Flags.

[■ That appointment of two Public Service Commissioners should be a load off the Opposition's mind. « « a "Cockie": If I have to pay a han-J two quid a week, plus his keep, somebody will jolly well have to keep mo. If the Home critics are to be believed England (disregarding the "Daily . Mail") has found some hostile bowling for her own use. « * ♦ » E.J. puts it in another way: Josef Manger, winner of the heavyweight weight-lifting, has been appointed a special tax collector. Sound reasoning, too! MYSTERY SOLVED. Dear Flage,—Just a line or two in an awful hurry. You know those noises 'round the Museum that were mentioned in a recent "Post"? Well, that is easily explained. I heard bagpipes practising at the barracks or some- ■ where close handy last night. No wonder people seemed a bit scared. POREX. FUN IN THE NEWS. This one ■ was perpetrated by an Aberdeen journal:— E.H. is convinced: "A woman in Her thirties is not at the height of her charm, because she is generally unhappier then than at any other time in her life, because she is looking back wistfully on her youth. She' looks forward to what she thinks is bleak old age and wonders how she will survive wrinkles, silver sair, etc. "Once I | passed by foreieth borth-happiest wife is the busiest wife, on the can-opener basis than to well as herself." BRAIN-TEASER. Once again one of the fair leads the field in. this contest. First in with a solution is "O'L.," who writes as follows:—"After the brain fever you nearly caused me last week through. my trying to find a different solution from the one I sent you, and coming back to the same old point every time, I appreciate the simple little test of last Saturday evening. So you are quite forgiven. The 'party* problem took about ten minutes' 'originally'; last evening's 'teaser' hardly more than - five." ' • . Others who hit the nail squarely on the head were "Johnny Jones"—it toqk him 35 minutes to puzzle it out; "Perc Picacious";. L.M., Newtown; "Sixth Form" (with the help of his maths, master); and "Simplicitas," Petone. So far there have been four failures. • •■ * , ■ JARGON. That noted English litterateur, Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch, is, strangely enough, a collector of jargon. He is continually adding to his list, thanks in large part to the smash hit adver- • tisements of the cinema paladins, house and estate agents, ecstatic book and art critics, arid motor-car inspirationists. But here is a paragraph which Sir Arthur must not be allowed to miss. It is a spectaclar example of dressmakers' English which appeared in a London weekly. (The reference is to a particular shop: The other day I paused at one of its windows, and was interested to see various, gowns described as "breathlessly ' smart," "tempestuously smart" (this a green colour), "heart-swelling," "gladmaking," and "utterly jauntworthy." But on turning to the-other window I was even more impressed. Here a/ garment—a reddish creation with white spots—had the label "Too'too pulse-ac-celerating." These, though more emotional, are scarcely so defiant of the canons as a shop-window label seen not so long ago in London: "Let Us Clad You." .; « « . » PARODY. Dear P.F.,—ln glancing through some" old papers, I happened to come across this one, so I sent it in to you. ■ (You might recall I wrote to you before once as follows: Dear Percy Flage please could Mame McClancy put her poem in the paper every night.— John Page.) The boy stood on the burning deck : Whence all but he had hopped iV And turned upon the blazing wreck A face that nearly stopped it. Defiant and upright he stood, His dim eyes homeward turning; His sense of smell was not so good He did not niffi the burning. He thought, the glow that he could spyAbaft the forward hatches (A light that lit up half the sky) Was someone striking matches. He thought the sound that smote his • head . With loud increasing clamour Was someone eating ship-made bread With marlinspike and hammer. But when the boats were out of sight' He suddenly perceiving (That both his trousers were alight Exclaimed: "I must be leaving." Now I'll reveal the simple truth Dispelling school-taught notion: This fearless slave-to-duty youth Dived headlong in the ocean. He dodged those sweet and early ■ ' graves :■ . Of which this yarn has boasted, For Britons never shall be slaves And never shall be roasted. We add that John is our youngest Postscripter. He is 9J years old, and, as you will notice, a fond McClancy "fan." , . . *. •*■ * BLOW-OUT. On a student's desk at the local University there stands, ingrained in letters of ink, a list of thirty-six words and phrases denoting the state of insobriety. Some people think this list has been compiled for the benefit of posterity; others for the purpose of helping the Commissionaire .to avoid monotony when making up his charge sheet. Yet another suggestion is that it's merely an idle flight of fancy to beguile dull lectures. No one can definitely trace the author or authors, nor do the words themselves give any clue. So its purpose still remains unknown. The list grows steadily week by week. and it comes as no surprise to find that weekends provide most inspiration. Last week eight new words were added. Hence the rush to inspect the desk on Mondays or Tuesdays. It is questionable whether even the grave and reverend seigneurs who compiled the Oxford Dictionary have heard of all the words. A close inspection of their work gives very negative results. As against this, all the more experienced students who have inspected the desk state with certainty that all the words are in everyday use. Inspect the list below and see how much you know about one of the Dominion's most important pastimes. BRITISH CONSTITUTION. ' Full to the gills, hitting the .highlights, back teeth awash, under the in- . fluence, half-seas over, three sheets in the wind, sparking on all six, had a few, oiled, stonkered, full, intoxicated, merry, bright, lit, happy, clocked, stunned, mellow, tight, rolling, stoomered, drunk, grogged, inked, cut, shickered, boozed, blotto, tiddled, shacked, shot, tanked, pickled, canned, and sloshed.