POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 31, 5 August 1936, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Perch Fi^gs.

Add works of supererogation: Presenting Jesse Owens with a pair of Mr. Semple's running shoes. ■\»■ * . » Those guaranteed, prices suggest that the Minister of Finance has budgeted for a surplus in the butterfat industry too. You can imagine our sheep kings savagely dialling off when the radio breaks out with "Happy Days Are Here Again." *■ * - » ■ * -. Do you know that we had an instinct Mr. Goodfellow would find the "best elements of the trade in England" receptive to the new marketing plan? * -* * I Politicitis—definition offered by I "Amos-'n'-Andy": An insidious disease that obscures the vision, loosens the tongue, inflates the head, toughens the hide, and hardens the heart. MULTUM IN PARVO. Permanent civil servants hope t» take a "rise" out of the Government shortly. The temporary staff will require a microscope to even see the "joke"! Increases are retrospective to July 1, but the whole thing has an atmosphere suspiciously like unto April'l.- ■■-..- BINDY. ♦. * * -PLANT A TREE. Everyone should be thinking in terms of trees on August 5. The other night I had a dream. Every one in New Zealand planted a tree., or if they were too young or too old someone else planted a tree, for them. Think of it! Over a million trees planted. One old man planted eighty trees, one for every year of'his life. He said ftiey were better than having candles on his cake. Next year he hopes to plant eighty-one. But it was all a dream! Think of it though! What a grand plan it would be! 1 . ■ - . : P.R.H. Taumarunui. «■ . . ♦ . » COURT "SHORTS. ' ''. , (From various English sources.) Husband: It was my wife's washing day, wliich is, of course, my afternoon on. • • : Solicitor: How long were you in.the public house? . Witness: Until closing time, naturally. Woman: If my husband thinks he can carry on with another woman- and ride about in her car, when he is supposed to be on.the dole, and keeping me, he has made a big mistake. Woman: He dealt my husband a knock-out blow that woke him up in the middle of the night. _ Witness, giving evidence about a man; charged with drunkenness: "The constable was pursuing the defendant round a lamp standard, and the street musician at the corner was playing incidental music." Solicitor: What does your young son do for a living? .■■.,.* Mother: *He stands on the tailboard of/a laundry van, shouting funny remarks at the driver. , ! a » »'■ - ■ ..... '-:■•■ ■■■■■]"; -'POKER. ALICE:'" ::!■ : - Frcro "Put 'Em Up!" an inquiry (prompted by Mac West's ,Klondyke film> as to the notorious "Poker Alice" who "starred" in the south-west U.S.A. years ago. Here are some details (thanks to S.S., Wellington):— "Poker Alice" N was a woman who started life ultra-conventionally as the daughter of an English schoolmaster"in Sudbury, Devonshire. Her - parents emigrated to America, and Alice married a mining engineer in Lake City, Colorado. Later, she entered the Oklahoma "free lands" to get rich from the rush of settlers. Alice started.her gambling career in Silver City, New Mexico, where she turned "faro dealer," "and was the first woman to make a success of what she termed "no simple matter/*' She is reputed to have made 6000 dollars on that first night. She went to Deadwood in the Black Hills when the sold rush was on, and held her own with all the "bad men" of a day when you were in the right if you shot first. She always wore a revolver in her belt, but'modestly admitted to having used it only twice. After the boom, when all was quiet, she moved to Sturgis, a little town in the Black Hills," where her children were born, and she lived there still smoking, her big black cigars and using iurid language till in. 1930 she died at the age of 76, the last of Dead wood's "First Ladies." ; « « .» '. HE FELL AMPNG FEET. The picture show was oveiv The last long kiss complete. The crowd was up and moving— And he lay among their feet. We guess the way it happened, His figure was so small, Somehow he got up-ended, And no one saw him fall. His modest form and features— We'll see them nevermore. Poor man! He's been converted To a pattern on the floor. D. J. DONALD. ■♦ ' .■ t • * ' :; ; ' POSTED . . . MISSING. "Alby."—Held for reconsidefation. "Thirty-two" (Levin) .—Thanks,- but we have that one already on our desk. ~ "Horiri."—Just a little thin. \ S.W.S.—Worthy of our column, but publication might get a hard-working young citizen into a spot of trouble. B.T. (Brooklyn).—"Col. 8 or th« w.p.b." The w.p.b. won, alack! "Hupe Tonett" ("Riposte").—Respectfully suggest that you try to develop a sense of humour. "Jane."—The Australian "Woman's Mirror" might consider it favourably. Address care "The Bulletin," Sydney. • Emmett Walpole (hibernating in the Hutt Valley).—(l) You're right! (2) Thanks'for-the suggestion which certainly has possibilities. "John Barleycorn."—Appreciate your appreciation of this feature. Thanks for clippings. Jean Barclay.—All the clues pieces--sary to the solution of that problem are present. Try again. "Viva Joe!"— The best of your laudatory rhyme dedicated to our Prime Minister: He scorn* the Capitalistic foe, He knows which way he has to go, And takes his people by the hand To lead them to the Promised Land. "Savoir Faire."—Well meant, but has a hurtful implication which no doubt you did not perceive. "Bilge."—A rather weak variation of the running shoes metaphor. "Harbour Day."—What is it all about? "Disgusted."--Cannot lend the column to attacks like that. Anyway, two of your three "facts" could'not be substantiated. "Fourth Form."—Promising^work for one of your years. Let us see some more of your rhymes. - '■ R.B. (Mirama'r).—(l) Later on, perhaps. (2) No names and addresses of Postscripters given without their con- ■ sent.