POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Issue 126, 29 May 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flage.

In contradistinction to the La Santa Maria, the Girl Pat is a ship quite ft lot of interested people want.

Einstein has decided to give up contract bridge. He knows all about bent space, but a four-spade psychic bid was"'-quite beyond him.

Princess Assa may be dead so far as her family is concerned, but if Greek porters are still Greek porters, her boy friend will be keenly alive to future possibilities in that direction.

Here's a formula for safe driving we can recommend: Treat everyone else on the road as if they were not quite right in' the head, then you—and they —will be safe.

Mr. W. J. Poison, in his most mixed metaphorical mood (brought to our notice by "The Other Mac"): "It is useless for Mr. Savage to produce his usual smoke-screen and pour treacly soothing syrup on the facts."

CRHYMES. The "Glasgow Bulletin" states that that sparkling critic, Mr. St. John Ervine, has been engaged in a lively skirmish with "Our Peevish Poets," whose poems, lie declares, "are unintelligible and mean just nothing at all." The bards committing "chrymes'' In attics uncommodious, Condemn each criticism and Comparison that's odious. Their poems are described As fugitive and cursory. And are not even classified Among the might-bg-worsery. So raging poets when They meet combine to curse The hard-boiled critic who has dared ■ To dam. their verse—or worse. I PASSER-BY, j

JUST MUD. Dear Flage,—l have been worried ft bit about that ton of mud that is being sent to England. I have wondered ia what condition it would arrive Home, and what use it would be when it got there. So I asked my old friend the Professor about it. "Oh," he said, "that's easy. It will probably become solidified on the way, and could then be used as the foundation-stone fof the new buildings in Whitehall. But if it were left to me," continued the Professor, "I should have it frozen before shipping it in order to retain its curative properties. It would, or course, have to be thawed out when unpacked. But it seems to me," he went on, "the people up north, haven't half done their job. They ought to send half-a-dozen barrels of thermal heat along with the mud to keep the whole boiling in action. It could then be installed as a 'going concern' at Bath as a permanent mud spring, or an active New Zealand volcano." Yours, etc., HO KAY. * -::■ * TRUE TURF TALE. Henry Hewett- went to a trotting <neeting in Western Australia a month or so back with £6 in his betting pocket —the capacious pocket inside your vest on the heart side. He picked the winner of the first (a short price). He played up his loot on .the second, and won again. Feeling that he deserveay tmd could afford, it, he' ■ sank two double whiskies in 'Succession. Thu3 fortified, he plunged on the third event, his horse running second' and paying a nice dividend. (Interval for further bibulous practice and refreshment.) lii the fourth he backed an animal, most appropriately (for him) called Rollin* Home, and home it rolled. Hewett bought himself another spirituous tipple and a flask for his hip pocket. Weaving through the. crowd toward the tote he brandished a fat wad, tore two or three fivers from it, and tossed them into the throng, accompanying the gesture with true Bacchanalian gusto. Then a policeman arrived and gathered the punter in for making a nuisance of himself. "And I : had * 'moral' in the fifth," groaned Hewett, as he was led away. * * Si ANSWER TO PROBLEM. It's manifestly obvious to A clever man that A's was blue (That is, assuming, we shall say, The wisest of the three was A.) For when he saw that B and C Had crosses blue, thus pondered he: "Suppose (though I may not be right); The colour of my cross were white. . In that case B would think 'Dear me! It's manifest C cannot see Two crosses white—for if he could He would run out —therefore it should Be clear to me that mine is blue; I will run out and tell it to The judges, who, with great surprise, Will give to me the promised prize.' "But," A went on, "B still is herein that case, therefore, it is clear, He cannot guess his colour—so In triumph to the judge I'll go. B would have guessed had mine been white— He hasn't guessed (I'm sure I'm right)— So my assumption is not true— In other words, my cross is bluer* It's manifestly obvious to A clever man that A's was blue. ANNE HOWX. Lower Hutt. IF THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE THEN; This clipping from an American: source, sent by "Peggy," rather fits in with the Dionne quints.' birthday. It is 7.45 on a beautiful summer evening in 1952. Mamma looks down tha street from the front window. '•Annette!" calls mamma, as she goes to the foot of the stairs. "She isn't here, mamma," answers one of her daughters. "Where is she?" "She went to the movies with Marie's fellow. Marie didn't want to go, but didn't want him to know it." "You tell Marie that Annette's young man is coming up the street. She'll have to receive him, so he won't know Annette's "gone." "But Marie has a date with Emilie's new fellow, mamma. That is, Emilie has, but she's gone to bed with a headache. Marie has to act as Emilie so he'll want to take Emilie out again." "Oh, la, la!" exclaims . mamma. "Which are you?" "Cecile, mamma." "You come right down, then. He's almost at the gate!" "I can't. I'm going riding with Yvonne's. She's kind of tired of him for a while, but doesn't want to let him go just yet." Mamma is beginning to be desperate. "Send Yvonne down, then, at once. She'll have to take Annette's place." "Why, Yvonne isn't here. She went for a walk with mine. I'm tired ol! him for a little bit, too. We may decide to swap." "That Annette should be punished! Now I'll have to explain to her young' man where she is, and it may~ make him mad." "Listen, mamma," whispers Cecile do\vn the stairs, as the bell rings, "this will fix it. You tell him it's Annette; who has gone to bed with a headaches and can't see him,"