POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 23, 27 January 1934, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Add similes: As complacent as a / nudist colony on an ant-heap. * * ■ *

Mr. Forbes goes on record as saying that the' Government might bo able to reduce taxation next year. By the way, isn't there to be a General Election in 1935? s * ♦ ♦ From the health feature of an Aus- . tralian journal: "Men who drink heavily should be treated by a phy« sician." As a rule, chronic tippler* are not fussy as to who treats them. - #.■:•.# :.■'■*! "Henry" wishes to know.—"Hot Air From Australia"—(see yesterday's "Post"). Have the politicians been talking again, or is it Mr. Lang or Major Douglas this time? » ' • ■ ♦' i WORSE VERSE." The report of the arrest of a New. foundland Cabinet' Minister for theft of stamps reminds "Amos- 'a 'Andy'* that A marked increase of interest latterly Has been observable in philately. * ■ ■ # .''■■■'• TWELVE A SIDE. Says v contemporary: "That was rather a remarkable statement that .appeared in one of the Wellington daily; papers relative to the dismissal of on* of the Kilbirnie batsmen caught at th» wickets by the umpire. ..." Quite remarkable. We,are of opin« ion_ that the umpire should confine hit action to umpiring a player out. R.J.P. ♦ ♦ • A LAZY DOG. There is a story now current in th# United States of an American who me* a nigger sitting by- the roadside, beiid* him a dog howling dismally. "What's the matter? Why doe# he howl?" asked the Yankee. "Wai, sir, I guess he's lazy—jusf lazy," replied the darkie. "Lazy—but why should that mak« him howl?" ' "Wai, you sec. sir, he's sitting on fc thistle." ♦ # * PROPHETESS AT WORK. In 1918, Mine. Blanche.de Paunae, the French prophetess, won fame by predicting five months beforehand tha'ti the World War would end with an armistice on November 11. On the edge fit 1934, Madame went into hypnotic sleep and returned with the following specific predictions for the current year:— ■« , " - ■■ 1934 will be a year of peace and re* turning, prosperity. ■ Hitler's power will be unbroken 'vi 1934, but will pass away in 1935. No political revolutions will disturb the year. A great German general and tw« famous French statesmen will die. A'king who was " driven from Ms throne will return. There will be a big French air catastrophe, a group of aeroplanes failing to return to their point of departure. There will bo a German sea catastrophe. Mme. de Paunac foresaw no fighting of any sort during the year., "- • '•'■ ■" ♦ .• * '" ' " SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— (1) Electric neck heaters are being used to relieve sea, and air sickness in experiments conducted by French scientists? (2) A young actress at Hollywood has been seeking, so far unavailingly,, to insure for £20,000 the 182 freckles which adorn,her facet (3) A Persian with a long name— * Siah Khan Ibn Kashmir Khan—* stands lift 3in in. his socks, and is be*, lieved to be- the tallest man in th« world? ■' (4) Portugal has a long mtmory? lit Oporto Wellington's portrait can b» seen in a dozen cafes, and licorice and gingerbread are procurable-in, the shape, of Wellington boots! (5) Wherever J. Pierpont Morgait goes at least two guards fodow himf> One even accompanies tin. multi*' millionaire to church on Sundays. (6) The new Mayor of Peijing ha* issued an order batoning- lowneckedjjj bare-armed frocks, and plus fou's? (7) Amongst the new "modes'.1! fo\ Soviot women are camisoles decirttedI.' with fleets of red Zeppelins—the iy>rfi of the "AH Union Cetton Tumi? Trust"? (8) In Macquarie Place, Sydney,";* a. Japanese bank, the t Mitsui Buesss. Kaisha, Ltd., which has behind it 130< years of Mitsui trading history? (9) An officer of the Belgian Ail*. Force has devised an aeroplane* demonstrably immune from the fiercest', fire? HO) As part of a "voluntary dis« "v armament" plan Chile is literally turn* • ing swords into ploughshares and]', cartridges into lipsticks? #■..■», ' ♦ A CIGARETTE BUTT. . This is a "dare" jingle. "Calverlejj, Lear" challenged us to write a "passable jingle" about a cigarette butt, and. suggests that other postscripters nama unusual subjects for the Saturday; rhyme. We take up the "|dare" —with some trepidation. Nominations must reach us not later than Thursday] morning each week. Read on.— Were you, like your "last owner, "lit, 1* Shining at some exuberant loiree, Helping the flow of wine and wit, And not one. reveller was sorry— • Until next day!|/Or were you tossed ' From petal lips with love a-flutter,— * Your purpose served—among the lost "Fag" ends of things that strew, thi gutter? Slim child of Madame Nicotine, Cylindrically alluring—very— You were- spewed forth from a machin* To live a brief life and a merry. Ad astra'ing in pale liluo rings, Like all your brethren of the carton, You used the "lighter" side of things .- Mankind to mellow and enhearten. Is this the end for you? Mayhap ' It is the destiny assigned you That some poor unhygienic chap, Empty of purse, will come and find you, • Take you to his rude den, and roll You up with butts you did not car© for, And blow foul smoke-screens, while his soul Ponders Life's .baffling why and wherefore. * * ♦ CUTTING A FRIENDSHIP. Dear Percy,—Talking of the "halfpenny superstition" amongst cutlers reminds mo of my Aberdeen "frees" who was being shown through a cutlery firm in Sheffield, and on being presented with a beautiful pocketknife in a solid leather .wallet was asked to tender a halfpenny, the customary exchange. On looking through ' his "bawbees"' ho found' he had vno halfpenny, so hp tendered a penny, saying: "Krep Ihe change.- I'll just tiae auitheii knife." " - •