POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 49, 26 August 1933, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

( hromcle and Comment

BY PERCY FLACE

" Amos-'n'-Andy" is somewhat discouraged at the failure of the Institute of Pacific Relations to agree on spacih'c peace proposal?. | * * * : A writer points out that the little : finger on New York harbour's Statue ! of Liberty is cloven inches long. Ani other inch longer and it would havf ■ been a foot. Curious, isn't it? \ * * • The Coalition candidate for Lyttel- ; ton threatens that, if he is elected, and 1 legislation with which he disagrees is ' brought down, he will walk out of the j House. In other words, he will not tak« t that sort of thing sitting down. ; «• * * | TRANSFORMATION. ' Old lady ' Very stout, ' Monkey gland— : Girl Scout!. * * # ■ .-. FABLE. ( ' To Percy Flagc,—Talking about tramcars and that schoolboy complexion, I listen: A woman entered a crowded ; Somes Island tram and fainted when a . man offered her his seat. When she re- . recovered she thanked the man. Ho ,• fell off the tram and was ground til r death beneath the wheels. I DOB. ' * • • 3 AX ANOTHER. : I 1.. Can1 an alpine ice-pick be truly j called a climax? 2. Will the music be murdered if the. J conductor beats time with his minimaxt I 3. Should a; varnish-manufacturer f open oysters with his shellacs? 5 4.- Could Father Time have a better - assistant than Ajax? t 5. Did H. G. Wells smash all former ' records with his Kippax? i 6. Did Charles I die from a r# - (a)laxed throat? ' .-'■ ; EX-TRA JICK. ': ..•■•:• ■ , ALIBI. ...... An envelope superscribed (in caps) "Superlatively urgent," reached us this morning with the following alibi sinside:— ' ''.'-! Re the Battle of the AVassa that night _ in Cairo: From careful and persistent ' inquiry extending from Easter, 1915, ,to August, 1933,1 have definitely estab--1 lished the claim to being the only . Enzedder in the entire Main Body vrha ? did not assist in pushing that piano . through the window. ' ..'. > ■ ' ' 6/1213. . t "• ♦ * S FISH WINDS WATCH! This is the greatest of all fish yarns —one that Rcuter thought good enough to cable overseas. Fred Hartzell, of Susanville, California, dropped Ria watch in a stream while fishing a-year ago. Recently he caught a fish in about the same spot. "Imagine my surprise," ! he said, "when cleaning the fish to find my watch. It was still running, too, and had lost only three minutes in the year.'' Hartzell believes that the action of the fish's gills must have kept th« watch wound up. * * ♦ ■ ' ', SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— 1. In a garden at Hounorshorf, Silesia, there is a, mighty yew tree, its stem 18i!t in circumference, which has stood there for 1400 years? 2. A century ago this year, the cigarette was invented by an Egyptian'soldier at the siege of Acre? He lost Ms pipe, and smoked his tobacco in paper. ' i). Due to a. change in the law last \ year, it is now perfectly legal for a j resident of Baltimore. (U.S.) to kiss \ his wife on Sunday? . 4. Turkish officials have unearthed E a Darby and Joan pair, Hashi Hashim t and Hadji Hadidje, who claim to bs - 128 and 124 years old respectively? ) 5. The Swedish Baptist Church haa : grown from six members in 1848 to a E present .roster of more than 65,000 with '■ 686 congregations and 931 churches and 1 chapels? ' 6. Frederick Louis, Prince of Wales, ; died from injuries caused by a blow from a cricket ball in 1751? . 7. At least 50,000 "speakeasies" in ', the U.S. have been forced out of busii nes by the advent of legalised 3.2 beer? : 8. The expression, "cool as a cucuin- '■ ber," has resulted from the'fact that cucumbers are usually one degree cooler in temperature than surrounding atmosphere? 9. Under the N.I.R.A. organisation, America has 1300 "job", camps housing 250,000 workers? 10. The biggest passenger locomotivf in Britain is over 74ft long, out-measur-ing the famous Royal Scot by lift. * ■ • . •■ (M)AD ASTRA. J In unsophisticated days We caught the fame-at-all-costs craze. Ploughing and milking, chopping wood Seemed to us not a bit of good. We dreamed of honour and high ranis, Of pots of money in the bank,. Besides a castle and a yacht, A racing stud, and all that raeht, And starring, ere we came.of age, In headlines on the world's front page. How to attain unto that goal - We did not know, upon our soul, Till inspiration seized us; ah! Why—hitch'your wagon to a star! Weil, friends, no sooner said than doaf. We looked about.and picked on one Just traded in, but good enough (They guaranteed) to do its stuff. ; With that we coupled up our sled, Opened her out. and zoomed ahead. . Her engine knocked a trifle, still, We flashed above hill after hill, Barged headlong " through the Milky; Way (Figuratively speaking, as they say), Up, up, ambition all aflame, Until we reached the halls of Fame. ', What's that* The star storms on. apace ... The coupling's snapt . . . we plunge through space Downward, amid satiric, mirth, Back —oh,-my uncle! —back to earth. The moral pointed is too clear To need enunciation here. * « * SPIDERS' AVEBS. : Mr. J. B. Bolt, of the firm of Bolt and Sutherland, mathematical and scientific instrument makers, writes U3 apropos a Postcripts par relating to spielers' webs and theodolites. Bc'causft of ;i flippant note appended to the par, our correspondent fears that we do not believe that spiders' webs are put to such use. We hasten to correct that impression. However, to reassure us, Mr. Bolt states: "Now, sir, I myself when an apprentice in London used to go down the side of tho Jackstraws Castle, Highgate,. North London, and catch spiders for this purpose. I might add that this has been done by me for over twenty years in. Wellington. If you care to convince yourself of the truth of this, we would lie pleased to demonstrate the method used, as we have instruments in the factory now that-we have done." One* clay when opportunity offers we should like to avail ourselves of the invitation. We have seen some noble and beautiful webs on the gorse on the Tiria» kori hills.' :, • ;/_. ~' ,'.;