BEAUTIFUL WORDS.

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 35, 11 February 1933, Page 10

BEAUTIFUL WORDS.

Plage,— ' ■ Talking of' beautiful -words, ana o? our "payday" in particular, what about Mark Twain's choice, "noij guilty" ? My "own. personal pref e> ences, taken in this order, are "pound! notes," "syzygy," "dividends,'* "chryselephantine," f.'Christmad Bonus," . "upholsterer,*l "yenna* dizze," "Yorkshire pudding-," "hava« spot,""lingerie," and "zenjebiL" 1J cKallenge any aesthetic postscriptei; to produce a'flner and more diversified list than that. WILLOUGHBX "WALLABY,

WHO CAN BETTBB THESE! Dear Percy,—:. The following may be of use for you* gloom-dispelling column:— A friend in need is a surprise indeed* ■Don't ciy over spilt milk; call th» cat. : ■ Gossip is the mother-in-law of invent tion. ■ ■' The ; unfairness of the fair sex id proverbial. . : The medium should always be in tha right apiiits. The redeeming feature of the pawn* shop is the ticket. The modern wife's cigarette' bill makes her husband fume. i Bookkeepers and washerwomen always know when-to'draw the line. Kind regards, ■ - TEMPLATE. •- • ■■«"...-■."

SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that (1)' Finding herself with too ttuuj) hyacinth bulbs, Holland recently fl#* stroyed; 30,000,000. by burning? '; (2). Table of wet measure? > Two pints = one quart. Two quarts = one fight. One fight = two cops. Two cops = one Judge. ■ . One judge = 14 daya. (3) Short story? :.■>•. ""Won't '33 see a change for th« better?"

"I don't think so; we haven't suf« fered enough." • (4) The chief trouble in the school of experience is that you never; finish' the post-graduate courses f : (5) A couple living near Perth' (W.A.) have had twenty-nine children in thirty-one years, the largest family, in Western Australia? The mother ii 50 years old and the father 6L

(6) London has lost, another timehonoured custom? The daily boiling of Billingsgate coins to rid them of their fragrance has been discontinued.

(7) There are nearly four and a half million persons in the U.S.A. who can neither read nor writet .

_ (8) Chauncey Depew, a famous after* dinner speaker, smoked 25 cigars a day, over a period of 56 years? He lived till he was 93. ' ■ .

(9) Curio dealers in New York and London have offered up to £5000 foe the huge drum, the IMnce <of. Wales thumped on his Teeent visit to TJlster? (10) The little clock shop at Amen Corner, where-Dickens once stayed to get local colour for "Nicholas Nicklebyj" has been, demolished?

YES, INDEED. When you feel inclined to grumble, finding life to be a jumble, And your doting ma-in-law sticks oni and on, When the weasels raid' yonr chickens^ and devour them like the dickens, And your future gibbers at yon, pala and wan.— Do not maunder round morosely or em« brace despair too closely; Pull your tottering self together, and recall, . - For your consolation, certain, things were very much more hurtin' With Eve and Adam, following th» Fall. , Yes, indeed. And think of Jetol, now the ante-room of Sheol, Or storm-swept steppes and stairs up Mukden way— Though you will not understand it, why, you might have been a bandit, Due to freeze to death or be slugged •any. day. Paste this, also, in- your bonnet—* though there may be little one it, Your "breakfast table, as they say, ii free; ' . So, if there is no peche Melba—well, old Nap. had none at Elba, And anyhow, worse things occur at sea. ■ Then you might have been-a poet and not ever lived to know it, Or a chimpanzee that beats his hairy chest, . ■ . ' Or an oont—which means a camel—or that most mysterious mammal,' The platypus, which lays eggs in a nest. Do not wallow in 6elf-pity that you're caged up in a city, Convinced that you, are diddled, damned and disht, TTor,^ round this virile verse off, we insist you might be worse off, So put up with yourself, and hould ye whisht. . * • •