POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 33, 9 February 1933, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

The times we're already out of joint' and along comes legislation to doubledislocate business. What a world! * #.■'.# Defending tho sales tax, the Hon. A. D. McLeod pointed out that, with the exception of sugar, the breakfast table was left free. Too much sugar is fattening, and ■ anyhow, these are lean times. * * • THOSE PETROL DUTIES. If we had a car that didn't go Because the Government made things so We'd walk to the office with seemly; haste And work off some of our surplus <* waist. ■•*. . -♦ *. SILLY IDEA. In reply to a West Coast M,L.C % tbe Minister of Education regret&d that the Government could not accede to the request to include coal among the items on which a 15 per cent, reduction in railway freights had been made. Precisely. How many farmers use coal? •''».'*■ OBTRUSION. Dear Percy,—Apropos to-day's bur_ ing topics, may I obtrude a couple of observations? - Amidst the welter of political stability and instability, not to mention politicians, stable and nnstable, ono fact stands out, clear and unmistakable—the Prime Minister* rebuke to his former stable-companion,' whom he doesn't any longer deem stall-worthy. I cannot get this problem solved, Though answer I have begged: Viz, now we've got a pegged exchange Can we a change expeggedf !__.' * • *. ANSWER TO D.B. _ EQUALOGUE. Bright colour is ".carmine," Then "paltry" I'll spell; ' " ".Fanfare" is.'& blast, And M plumage"—oh, well! , The next one is '.'rather," And then "pinafore," With "cabinet" after, And "margin," for sure. Then "poultry" comes in, And "Auckland," I guess," With "Picton" and "Hastings," And "Seddon," no less. Now lovely ".Dunedin," With '' Nelson" to follow— A good place to end, ' In sweet "Sleepy Hollow." "PEABLEEN.^ * # • WHEN IT BECOMES. A HABIT. Prospective purchaser of/carpet: AX beautiful piece of work. And the price is—*? Salesman: Seventeen guineas, sir. P.P.: What! Salesman: Twenty guineas. ■' P.P.: T heard you the first time. Salesman: Ah, but there has beea another rise in exchange-since my first quote. P.P.: Well, I'll take it on time payment. Get the document fixed up. Salesman produces document, and P.P. duly signs.' P.P. (consulting his watch): One minute _to twelve; Of course you know there _ a 50 per cent, cut in interest rates operating as-from midday. Salesman (philosophically): Oh, well, we'll call it a deal at the seventeen, guineas cash. P.P. "coughs up" and depart 3, witK the air of a,man who has fought and won against heavy odds. .' - ■ J._ * • ■» . MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. Sling me a cup, an' jnake it slick. If Forbes and Co. don't make me sicK At 'cart, an' put-one orf their eats, What with their bluffs and bounce and bleats, An' kiddin' to us, as they do. That-we're the stuff to see thinge through! We see THROUGH things—unlesi you're blind— Like what goes chasm' in their mind* Which is to nurse the cockie gang An'; let the rest of us go 'ang. Young; N.ZL's a. good 'orse, but look— The way Coates rides 'c sends me crook; No jockey worth hees salt would go Rushin' ihees blinkin. fences so, Givia' us the bloomin' stitch Or pilin'.us into the ditch. That's 'ow it is. Another cup ... I'm dry, and jolly well fed up. When this sales tax comes to a 'cad It looks wo'll all be underfed (That _ one for "Punch.") But any'ow, '■ , Life reely 'as become a cow, Whose milk is sour, whose butteT-fat Contentment don't amount to that! Dearie, let's talk of somethink else, For hinstance, Greta's wedding* bell* They won't ring out for _aven ina-M when Cos Arthur's got no job again. She feels.it like financees will, But the boy friend's quite cheerft* still. ■■■■■*■ Hee's troubles when depress_| ends ... •> ' Ain't'some folks lucky in thelp friends? * » ♦ PHYLLIS PHLOPS. M. Percy Flage. ' Mon Cher, —Because of „■ poisonouf taxes specially. imposed. on tho naif parent, I offered to accept a position as amanuensis, at a salary quite mad* quate to my ability and personality but would you believe me, I: had no* been in the putrid organisation on* week, when the pig of a man, who t may say is no gentleman, sent; me horn* with a letter which caused a fearful row and recurrence of dad's foot and mouth. This is a copy of .the _rii» pffort. Sir, —As I desired to assist you, by giving preference of employment to your daughter, whom I was assured is an alumnus and very capable it was with regret I terminated abruptly our brief association. In a most important letter, I had occasion to use the words, "cosmic urge," which were typed, by her as "cosmetic * urge," with dire Tesults. As I pay well for competence, you will agree that it is Impossible,, to retain one whose mentality and appearance, with constant use of powder puff, convey tho impression that a cosmetic urge is dpminant in her cosmos. I also regret that my advice that 'in . o'sculsatory effort, lip-stick in super-abundance is-causative 'of septicaemia," was met by the flippant, .riposte,' "was I speaking empirically and if not I should test the validity of my theory." You will admit I had unforgivable provocation. , Now, wouldn't that just slay you? Really I think men of that kind should be suppressed, I really do. Listen. * I thpk the Government should, in cases tike that, make birth control retrospective, because I don't see any kind of use for men such as he, I really don't. Cheerio. • ' Yours -ever, PHYLLISI