POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 122, 19 November 1932, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

If that report from Riga of food riots in Moscow is true, it is obvious that Stalin will have to mind his pa and queues. .

In view of the glut of the Dominion's primary products, it seems to" Us quitd good business for New Zealand to embark on a policy of over-production— ot farmers.

At the' annual meeting of subscribers to the N.Z.5.0.A.D.8.5. (F.H.) F. (take; a breath), the chairman of trustees, Mr* Edward Newman, expressed the opinion; that New Zealand was not one-quarte*; settled. Quite true: it's four-quarters unsettled.

SOLEMN TRUTH. Henceforth, a Christchurch cleric mi tends to call the depression the "situa* tion" because of .discerned psycho* logical benefits. ' Ah, well. You may call a spade a marlin spike" : Or a safety razor blade, But don't forget, for the love of Mik% That it still remains a spade. : * ♦■ ■•'■'■'

OYEZ! OYEZ! Dear Percy,—l understand: that the management has announced that, owing to the depression and the strong protests of the Labour Party, the meteoric display announced for Friday inorning has been postponed. In order to prevent disappointment si similar display will take place in 1965, provided the depression is at an end, when admission will be free to all* Seats may bo reserved now. ■ ' B.J.P.

STOEM BEEWING. Dear Percy Plage,— , ' ■ ; What do you think? I'm so excited. The other day, in a fourpenny bazaar* I met Mac's wife, and sße was so peeved about what he, did to Mame. You! know we all; love Mame, and the idea: of a mere- man putting- that across id • unthinkable. . The- poor dear (Mac's! - wife, I mean) is so worried since it appears that Mac has become so high* brow that.he wants to call their sort and heir Walter Tennyson" Scott. Hs) is cultivating atmosphere by growing} long locks and burning holes in his) clothes with his poetic fervour. Noii only that, he raves about Meeta Garboj and sooner than die in despair, Mac's gentle little wife intends, on© daris and stormy night, to dope his . . . e*j . . . coffeej and rat his Oxfords, ancj; catch the next train home to mother* < It is to-averts this domestic tragedy) that I whisper this to you over the bae^ fence. , . ' MOTHEE EYE. ■ -"*'■-. * ■'♦•■■•' SCHOOL'S IN. ' • ■"■ Do you know that^(l) The husband \rfio washes thsj dishes is a self-maid man? (2), Talkies lik& "AH Quiet on thel Western Front" and musical comedies like the "Love Parade?' are the.mosfl popular with' Chinese audiences? (3) It is said that over two hundred poetry magazines are published month* ly in Japan? ' ■ ,; (4) Highly moral ho'miletie coupletf Don't scatter orange peel in youij ; wake, '' - ' ■'■-■■■. ". ' '-. Think of the marmalade it wouls| make. ' . '. ' (5) The eugenists are on the wrong} track with their "perfect man" notion? Who would want the perfect mais around, when those who only think thejji are perfect are insufferable enough? (6) Italy's last Census returns show an excess of female population, oij 660,000? Italian, spinsters ~ must rei main lik© that, a long while.. : (7) The average man's vocabulary y j said to be less thaii 1000 words, butt Thackeray used 7000? He was wordyj wasn't he? ■ '

(8) Another bright spot in the &&< pression is that a. business man cannow have his suit ayea ana pressed without getting the cola shoulder ati! the club? . .-■•.-

: (9) George Duncan, the English pro.j. lifted' and replaced a ball buried in aj bunker during his third round'in a bigi tournament, and the referee, Sandy,; Herd, let him get away with it? (10) At a recent "father-craft" conwi petition heia in Eeigate (Eng.), fivij fathers won certificates of merit telling! the -world they knew- how to look after the baby?- Sissies! * '; t■ ' * ■■>'■ "- BALLAD OF THE INEXHAUSTIBLE' ■ GBANABY. -,: When your., vitamins are sagging anclt your pulse is dull and lagging : And you feel that Fate is naeeind day arid night,. ~ Till your nerves are J fairly shredded,and unless -the "jumps" arasteadied, . You fear "you'll go light-headed—aj you might; ' When you're tending toward surrender: or a good old-fashioned "bender »« Here is sound advice we tenderi don't forget. . . . - ■ (Don't forget!) Though the outlook for the morrow maY be saturated sorrow, As aforetime, there is corn in Egypt' If you feel the woria is routedj right* cross'd X left-hook'd, ' down-and-) puted, Ana none for you has "shouted" fot a week, If the one and only flirty featherheai galumptious Gertie, Has grown a trifle "shirty," so tor speak, . . -': Do not turn pale green or yellow, or incontinently bellow, ■*-:■'■ We beg of you, dear fellow: you for» : ' . get: ■ ■ ■ ■ . • j (Ton forget) . ■there are other charmers ready to en* ■■ list you as their "steady" In other words, there's corn in Eevoli yet. : 6/<* Aye, when things are topsyturvy, and; Prime Ministers are nervy, - And life is sour and scurvy—iust a.! beast, J -~. Here's a crumb of comfort, yessir foii _ the saint and the transgressor, ' the Mash 61" and theless^^4 U t^i." 1 r.ea% ttyinS> ifc W'fi help to burst out crying U y°Urself t0 dy™S: you/fow. o . (You forget), ■ o VrTve Crll Ver ' 6. 13 /---

IRON IN THE MILE:. ■ The most hara-boiled ostrich would urn green with W if he could read this. Up Bombala way (N.S.W.) an elderly cow was opened up and disgorged an extraordinary collection of edibles." This consisted of 112 casing nails, one- horseshoe nail, -four carpet tacks, two safety pins, one ordinary pin, seven boot sprigs, 36 pieces of wire, two scraps of watchchain, 12 pieces of metal, seven small stones, a small pair of scissors, and a threepenny, piece. Probably the aged bovine had" heard that iron, was gocwUfor-the blood»