POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 92, 15 October 1932, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Boberts, of Christehurch, may be a "good batter" (see "Post" hearting, last evening), but Yorkshire pudding (wttisf rich gravy) is the best we know. : One probable reason why the Oe«» man peoples will not ask the ex-Kaise\ to return is that they know they wniiW have to help support Wilhelm's brother-in-law, the ever-impecunious ex-waiter. £- * * All we can say is that that pukeko which was seen to pick up ducklings and dash them against a tree either had no children of his own to love or he had been reading reports of the wrestling matches. * '■■"• * - ' * PACT. Imagine the feelings of the .Porirtuf resident who joined the "mystery train" a Sunday, or two ago only to discover later that the "hike" started from his-home town! And, so far as we know, he did not demand his money back. - . * * ■■ * «' NO LOVE LOST. Our Prime Minister, in reply to a deputation representing Big Business— In regard to foodstuffs, he did not think the public would agree to any action being taken which would prevent businesses selling foodstufis at the lowest possible price—even cost price. Personally, we have- felt that tha public has / always been1 behind Big Business—rwith its kicking boot poised at the right angle. ** » * CUSSING SOKDAMENTE. Dear Perey.JFlage,— Toe H boasts in its office on "Wellington terrace a large-lettered placard .containing much food for thought, emanating as it does from this world-wid» philanthropic institution: "No swearing aloud." Apparently silent "damns" are quite in order, but the spoken word—hush! If you sit down on a pin » ~ Or through mishap bark your shin, • You must never, never, never say "By gum." . ' Though you sink upon a chair Which too late you find's not there, Please be mum, sir, absolutely dumb. I.D. ■ . • * * THAT SOULLESS PATEIOT. Dear Mr. Kage,—As two contributors—one last week ana one yesterday —have endeavoured to enlarge on tha famous line—"Breathes there a man with soul .so dead," I thought my jingle, which has been postponed, might now come in apropos— Breathes there a man with soul so dead, Who never to himself hath said, I'll pay before I go to bed The debt I owe the printer. Yes, there is one we know full well Who never such a tale could tellBut ho, of course, will go to—well, Tho place where there's no winter! '.: . ■*. J- cSCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that: (1) An _ expert says that racehorse* feel the cold,keenly, but how can that bo when so many punters put their shirts on them? (2) According, to a Manchester commentator, the-experts have made Geneva- what it is by trying to reduce tha peace that everybody wants to a formula that nobody can understand? (3) A minority is the most Teeognisable entity in the world:- it know 3 what it wants? ■ (4) Tho heaviest rainfall ever measured occurred in 1911 in. the Philippines, when two inches less, than four feet of water fell in twenty-four hours? (5) If report speaks the truth, tho private fortune of President Hoover has dwindled from 4,000,000 dollars to 700,000? ■ - (G) ""Dizzy Izzy" wishes, this in. print?— If Camera chased you with a brick You would have to gallop off P.D.Q. (7) We understand that gplf balls arc so cheap, relatively speaking, that the "dud"1 at the water hole wings with such abandon that he gets tho "pill" across? (8) The Moslem communities ia Jugoslavia have met, considered tho" economic muddle, and decided that the price of Balkan brides must be cut by. 45 per cent? - (9) Aristolochia Griffithii, a brilliant flower which grows at a 9000 ft elevation in Assam exudes a smell liko that of decaying meat? It cats flies! (10) Another thing the depression has done is that it has made it possible for a man to walk to and from the Quay without feeling compelled to explain that tho doctor ordered it? «- ■' * ■ "'■ * .;. . PEO BONO PUBLICO. He is packed to the thyroid with knowledge Which he pours out free gratis for all, He has never been inside a college, Though he may have looked over thf wall, ■ . . He's self-made and,, of course, seli sufficient, There is nothing this chiap doesn^f , know;, Ie a way he is nearly omniscient— We refer to P. B. Publico. He's an animate encyclopaedia, With a chronic severe scribbling itcK Which makes'editors seedier and seedier, And their fingers and eyelids to twitch, Ho pelts them with letter on letter, Sentimental, or thick with abuse, Or sad like a love-forlorn setter, Till they wish P.B.P. to the deuce. From Malthus to Marx and queet . morals, He roams, this mis-leader of men, And Governments must look to their laurels When in anger he takes' up his pen. ( To provide a solution instanter Of problems that baffle the best; And his tip always wins in a canter, Though lie's always dead broke— like the rest. . ' ■ ~ Sometimes he is "Mother of Seven," "Indignant," "Fair Header," "Anon," Such a man cannot surely reach Hcavpn When he goes dumb for good, later-on! But should he attain to- the gateway Of pearl, he may squirm a bit when St. Peter insists that he straightway Hand over his old fountain pen. ■'-■ * * *; ANTI-TEATOTALIST. Pear Flage,—"Scrpolettc" sounds quite a nice girl, but her "p;ytf>" fnj tea needs inhibiting. Dr. "Rotivvi Hutchison, in his book on "Food and, Dietetics," wrote: "Excessive tea^ drinking leads to jumpSness, tr-emul* ousnesa, palpitation, giddiness, and depression," I know one's first love affair has similar consequences, but, salike tea-swilling, it does not neces* sarily give one a. tomato-red nose or a covey of pimples. Now, if you could see my nw-in-law /at breakfast iit her faded pink dressing gown plunginjf into tha second cup. GENERAL BEANDYWINE.