POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIII, Issue 28, 3 February 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

As this column goes to press, the only leal news from the Shanghai front is that there is no real news. *. * ♦ I AS IT OUGHT TO BE. An English popular weekly printed a puzzle showing a man playing a saxophone with the end plugged up, and the caption read: "What is wrong line?" Every thing was perfectly all light, in our opinion. **, ■ • YES, INDEED. According to reliable report, this is not only ■an open season for bachelor hunting but an open (or opening) season for Stewart Island oysters also. Oh, well, we all have our little worries. Think of the toheroa's nerve-racking experiences on the Ninety Mile beach. * * * DAVE GALLAHER. 'Tis true! you cannot claim to be On All Blacks an authority. Forsooth, and if you .please, > You've given Gallahcr two G's— That's one too many . . . sect ROSE NEATH. (We t plead guilty, adding that Day» could not have been a real Celt without the second G., and again, M. Briand, for all his statesmanship, is notoriously a bad speller.) * < ♦- ENGLAND'S "BEST" PEOPLE. More English "sassiety" tutti frutti —this tune from the "Daily Express": "Plenty of good looking women wer» to be seen here: Lady Brougham and Vaui., who looked lovely in a simple black lace dress, Lady Brecknock, and Miss Hilary Charles. Au unusual diversion was the consuming, at 2 a.m., of large quantities of peas and onions. Soon after this people began to leave.'* We should think so. ■■'" ' '■' ♦'■* —' 4--v, FUNNY FELLOWS—THESE CRITICS. Whistling in, the dark to keep it« courage , up, Lpndon's -"Evening Standard," referring to England's chances in the next Test series, comforts itself (and its readers) with the curious reflection that as Bradman "is not afr home l against real pace," and Larwood is to-day "a yard' and a half faster . . . than ever before." That's all right—for English patriots. Of course, if Bradman, as he is likely to do, pastes Larwood all over the paddock' in Australia, the "E.S." can always/turn round and blame iti tape measure, * ■ * *- TRAGEDY AND COMEDY. Every cloud has its lining, and every happening, however tragic, usually has its aftermath of amusing' incidents (writes "Bettykins"). After the earthquake in Hawkes Bay just a year ago, people, recovering from the, shock, told of curious and comical situations in. which they "found,themselves. One late-rising maiden, strolling, downstairs in her ''nightgown toJ make • a cup of morning tea, was hurled through the door and into the street. When marines ariivedUthey. found-her unhurt but pinned beneath the fence and fallen debris. "Here's a lady .as is!" remarked one; delicately, while he extricated her from the ruins. _ 1 'Another lady on the hilltops, had her copper , (tio, she wasn't married to '* policeman) ready for the day's washing, but"was~j?ersuaded by her husband to ,try out a new car first. When she •returned,^washhouse, copper, and dry-ing-ground .reposed at the bottom of a sixty-foot chasm which had opened up in her back-yard! .. , " » And a further account, culled from a Northern contemporary some months ago. "I; had a friglitful time," deglared a lady correspondent. "The gat stQvc broke loose from its moorings and chased me all around the kitchen."' Even, stoves, it appears, have their playful moments. * ♦ • 'OUR 'ERB. " This rhyme is Isidore McFlage's way of protesting against the continual adulation bestowed on Don Bradman while that bane of bowlers has yet to meet Herb. McGirr. Precisely. Gangway for Izzy. This chap .Bradman . . . must we all Toss our derbies up, and bawl Fa cry time he 'lands a score Ot three" figures, say, or more? No. doubt he is. pretty good When he*s laying on the wood, But I want to warn you, sir, -Wait ,until he meets McGirr! Don has slammed the Springboks well-— Quran, McMillan, Vincent, Bell; Pasted Larwood, Voce, and Tate /' At a mpst'prodigious.rate. While his critics;bowed the head, Andiwould riot be! comforted. Still .... I think there'll be ,». stie . When- he takes on Herb. McGirr I - If ,one man his dash can curb , You can bet your life it's Herb. He is game to take all on— Hobbs and Duleep., Woodfull, Don. Let them play the rock, or hit, Me. just doesn't care a bit. "Wizard with the willow" . . . brrrl Wait until he meets McGirr! *' ♦ » IT'S TRUE, SOMETIMESf ' The Baltimore "Sun" discourse! tellingly on the columnist species. ' Ho comes in and announces that h» feels very low and hasn't an idea in his head. He looks through the newi of the day in the hope of finding some ideas, and, is disappointed. Ho approaches his colleagues and asks, them, .if they, could assist him with a few ideasj a bit of bright verse, for example, or a short snappy anecdote. ' But they say they are-very sorry, they cannot think of a thing. , He decides that he had better go and get a "drink of water and look out of the window, as this may give him an! inspiration. So he tries it, but meets with disappointment again. He returns to his, desk and devotes two hours to. staring at the ceiling, but nothing comes. 1 He concludes that he might as well go to lunch, as something might happen in the courso of that experience which he could put to account. But nothing happens. He returns to his desk, feeling drowsy and depressed. Half ttie working day has gone by and he has not put down so much as a line. He rushes' to the street and mfngles with the throng in the hopes of seeing something of. human interest like a dignified old gentleman offering to carry the -baby of a pretty but distraught young mother or a man inquiring the cost of a street car fare of a conductor and then piotesting it is too much1 and refusing to enter the car, era wellknown society matron eating peanuts out of a biown. paper bag, or a banker giving a dollar to an apple vendor for one,.:apple. :,£ut,.nothing iof 'the. sort occurs., ;j' l :]i''' l :; :';/ : y:% ■'.",• r ''*!,.'V..V" ■ And so. he .return^ ip.his-qface, disjCouraged,'.distracted,, without; an .idea in his head. Nobody has.told -Him anything. Nothing:has happened. .-He.has seen nothing. He has heard 'nothing. He knovrsi nothing, ; And then he site _down.and - ? ~..-*■..,- ■■• •'--.■';:--■.' " Writes a column.; • •'?--■.-';