POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 87, 9 October 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Cowmtr

BY PERCY FLAGE

At Jeast, we don't need a "rougho* meter" for testing the smoothness off the road we aro travelling. What w«i do need is a nice new set of guarani teed shock-absorbers. « * ■ * DON'T BELIEVE IT, Believe it or not, but we are entirely] unauthorised to state that Mr. Ma» katma Gandhi will be Winston Church* ill's, week-end house-party guest dur* ing his stay in England. « •» * I SURE TO COME. '.:..; Now that tho •'Daily Mail" has re» ported that tho Soviet is pursuing bankers all oyer the world for accpm* modation wherewith to- prop up th«j collapsing Five Year Plan, -go-ahead, newspapers' would be wise to reserve t| modicum of space -for the usual contra* diction. . ..-■.'.# .#...*, NEAR ENOUGH. From England to America is;; sayj 3000 miles. From Australia to NeWj Zealand is, say, 1200 miles. '■■'■- A v well-known public nian just're* turned from England says:'"When I| told them that New Zealand was about as far away from Australia as England is from, America, they were somewhat amazed." It: certainly'is an amazing statement—it is 40 per cent, true, too, ■ ' ;. . R.J.P. * ■*-,•■'*■ MAYBE. HIS STOP-WATCH WAS FAST. 4 Smithy does seem to have had somO varied experiences on his trip Home. Foi" example, there was that forced land* ing on the beach near Victoria Point, when, on an excursion into the jungle, kg was scared stiflE by hearing a tiger growl. But that, surely, was a trifling matte*" to one who has been so frequently lion* ised, don't you think? Anyhow, Smitlijrj was off like the "Buck-eye Bullet" fo* the sanctuary of tho 'plane: "I covered (he tells) two hundreds yards of the, beach in twenty seconds." Well, thatg too, was flying, . . an Olympic furlong trial. If Smithy fails to bring off that new air-mail serviec, lio might do worse" than shed his amateur status and tak^ up professional running. * »■ . * LISTEN TO THIS! We had this one fiom a geutlema*J with a strong American connection—*! he avidly collects gangster novels, anol takes homo each mail the Sunday sup* plemonts of tho Yankee dailies to tha family. An American and an English* man, who had seen a good deal of sei> vice togothcr in tho World War, were' to bo parted. One —the raconteur tacfe fully did not say which—said to th*) other: . . "Good-bye, old man. Thank you fo^ tho friendly way in which you havd co-opera,ted with mc. Wo both nav< been doing God's work; you in youf way and I in His." * * .-■# SUMMER TIME. Greetings, Percy. How about a few glorious summed timo rhymes? It would be popular with} the "flannelled fools," and also wit"*' your city readers. But what of tb«j farmer'? As you know, the Summcl Time Bill is about as popular with th« majority of farmers as a roast of bco? iv-oiild bo at a vegetarian banquet. Here's the first over, anyhow—ano! "googlies" at that — • Hickory, dickcry dock, The mouse put on the clock. This one hour forward, one hour buck"* The farmer says is shocking; "The clock tho mouse ran up," says hog '1 Should be on a lady's stocking." P.S.—You willnotico I am-a, bit shj] on iambic feet and so forth; poenoj stumbles somewhat, liko unto the pro-gress-of a centipede with corns. Tho" only fly in tho amber is that the farmed may give you out, 1.b.w., should yo*. adopt my suggestion. - T.M, , * ' '*' * NONCHALANCE. There is an anti-climax below fos which you musi keep a vigilant looka out. And wo have further to eonfesd that whitebait, on the shell or undei it, is no favoured dish of ours. We'd much rather have a camel steak of broiled snails en casserole. With which-*) We're in revolt. - Tho worm has turned. i The ardency With which we burned To pull the world Out of a mess Has faded out To nothingness. We're tired to death Of headlines which Keep telling us We're in the ditch; That Britain's sick And ill, and Un Cle Sam feels vcr _ X underdone. Those railway tracks Unfinished. . . why, Who cares if they Stay put? Not 11, If they do stop, It's only fair Men must be found A job elsewhere. Brothers, we're through. Let the econ Oniists so wise Go burbling on. Lot the world sink Or still swim. . . Wo To-night have fried Whitebait for tea. *' * * PURITANISM IN ITALY. Dear Perce, — I sec that in "sunny It." Senor M_M solini has mado adultery a crime carry* ing twelve months' imprisonment. Well*, I for one, am with Muss in spirit, but, oh, dear, dear! What of the poor mo* tion picture producers? And just when they were thinking of issuing medals' for this type of diversion! The treatment of the "box-office* subject of sex and the way it has been thrashed, walloped, and mangled is now, of course, a mntter of history, but as all good picture-goers know, the latest development is tho glorification of the matrimonial "triangle." The concept of the "sanctity of the home" is in the light of a barbaric legend of superstitious origin. However, *Jhe knock-out was delivered in the form of a picture by trained, dogs; and what do you think? The i]d triangle again? So now I know what: was "biting" Senor Muss when he. arranged that little periods of twelve months making big ones into little ones. Hod evidently bo taking a little relaxation at a local drama, and received that clog film full on tho poi it. Yours stoically, ' J.H. P.S.—Can anyone verify tlie rumour that a five-reel triangle drama of performing fleas is in' course of preparer* a_a ..;