POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 83, 5 October 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY ELAGE

Chrdnicle and Comment

We arb not certain whether the -O. stands for Oliver, or Olive; anyhow, Miss O. Kay, our crack golfer, is, and will, always be, O.K. Aneut that comradely letter of Mr. Lang to the chairman of the Common* wealth Bank Board—it wouldn't «ui> prise.us to know that "Big Jack's" favourite screen male "star" was "Hoof Gibson! ' : * ■*.''*, " N SOLUTION.; ' Dear Perse, —Will you settle a wagerf, Is1 it Marjorie, Marshbanks, or Majort Each time that I mention the etrce* where I board, My friends they correct me, and iay, "But, good Lord, . .. '• It's not Marshbanks, or Marjorie—but Major!" ( , Dp help me, Perce, settle this jwager. Per-Plexed. My dear man, it's the same M( Marylebone, only different. ' i \. '# _. •■' .• HISTORY REPEATS. " Joseph's Coat" writes cryptically; Notwithstanding tho seven plaguea and pestilences, rumour in the political Synagogue is that the heart of Pharaoh' has again been burdened, and that there will be no interest cuts. Is not Pharaoh inviting the "Red" Sea? * ♦ • MARK THIS ONE. Deer Perceiving Friend, — ■ Eelative to the retirement ot' our Mark from big football and his matchwinning proclivities—his chief scorhijj asset may be comparable with tha Scotsman's purse, because —in sporting parlance—they've both got it i» their kick. Your potted friend, ABERDEEN. * ♦ « , THE WRONG BIAS! Dear Persiflage, As a bowler, mediocre but keen, I take strong exception to the proposed opening on Saturday of two greeug being described recently as the "Rowi ■ ing Opening." If by this it is intended to mean the start of the fighting season, I take still stronger exception, for who ever heard of bowlers falling out? But I had better, tread lightly here, for you may know too much for me. Perhaps the heading is. supposed to be an intelligent anticipation of. tbe truth j in other words, a warning that sculling boats may bo needed to get across the grass. Anyhow, why get the wind upj of the hoary trundlers anxious to at* tend?, Yours, The Better Bole. * * • . "HOWITZER" TAKES ON SOCCER, ■: "Howitzer," after seeing that tha wife had mowed the lawn, took ait afternoon off to watch the Navy play, Wellington with the round ball. Though! the lads in blue 'had conditions toj suit-—high wind and a rolling ground—* they-were all at. sea. ,' ■ Whatever sort of Soccer it-was, thi Maoris would have loved the colou^ scheme. Ten of the Navy wore blue,] whilst one, who must hold high rank* . wan garbed su gold. Ten of the locals were ml white, whilst the other-sported; a brilliant red. One linesman had a, white . outfit,: the other a black, and? the ref. galloped around in the olc| Y.M. colours. : And the game went periodically ■like rthis: . • ' orf. Oop the Jinel Ooji the line, lahd!" " Shute t Why don't 'c shute?" ;■■■"■. 'Ead it in Leslie. . . . 'E'» no« tryin'. . . Coom, lahd, centre I .. • 'Ands,ref., 'ands!". Here a free waf awarded. . ; . . ' * Tackle 'mil Take 'im! Leslie aint) tryin'. 'E could shute low all day. .. . Bring it oop, Craig. . . Now—a first time. . . Ooray! Ooray I A goal! '*■ " ' Evenin' Post! .' ' Evenin' Post! * All erbout Smithy's flight. 'Evening .Posit.';"' ■■.■■"■ ■■■'(■■■ ..■'. ;■;': : (Fade gut.) ■ THAT TRICKY MATRIC. ■ -Dear Percy, •: Just a little advice; If you haven 1 yet; sat for matrie.—don'tl We ar* sending in some of our thoughts in verse, and expect to see it in "Th^ Post." We thank you.' We've signed, those feariul papers, We've passed our money in; We've promised that we'll do oiir b(M*l Oiir very- best to win. Our teachers groan and tell us How difficult the task. For we have not done half the work Examiners will ask. All day long and every night We swot and stuff and cram; | French is hard,, and Maths is wora» i « * I Oh, damn that old exam! j We all should know the Five-Year Pta* But my head's full of. trouble. Did Pitt the elder make reforms, Or burst the South Sea bubble? In dreams the lists, are published. We join the trembling throng, And 10, our names are missing, And all the world is wrong. But let us not be downcast; Optimists we must be, And. in Matrie. results we'll have iOur.. names,.as you will see. , "From "US" (us—feminine gender). » « ♦ SOMEBODY GOES "CUCKOO." i Dear j, Percy,—Did you read Mr. Johauncs C. Andersen's account of the cuckoo he heard? I wonder whether it really was the bird—but perhaps this is just one of the esteemed library-hand ! sj Anderson's, fairy tales. There are; iii any.case, as you probably know,.at lcasti threo other authorities on the cuckoo—* from left to right, Ben Travers—whos# description we need not traverse^ Wordsworth —you know what lii* word's worth; and Shakespeare. Tin second named writes, inter alia: ..' O blithe newcomer! I have heard, ■..,.' I hoar thee, and rejoice O cuckoo! shall I call thee bird, Or but a wandering voice?: The same which in my schoolboy day* '■ /I listen'd to: that cry Which made me look a thousand way( : "In bush, and tree, and sky. Now, Perce, you will note that tfcls might equally well refer to the dearly* loved mechanical cuckoos of our youth, the 'species which popped out of tha tops of. those old Swiss clocks that were wound up by means of little pulleys. We had one in our house for years; but a blundering domestic brought disaster to that cuckoo-r-a cook who unaccountably pulled the wrong chain and mussed Hip the ■ innards. It will not have cs- ( caped you, of course, Perce, that thd author of "Tho Cuckoo in- the Nest" had the same basic idea about the bird as Shakespeare when the latter wrotej; The cuckoo then, on every tree, Mocks married me: for thus sings h§y Cuckoo! . . . O word of fear, Unplcnsing to a manied ear! "Love's labour lost" in good sooth, Perce. Thine, till the "culs" are restart^