POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 80, 1 October 1931, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle ■-.-and. Comment

BY PERCY FLAGB

Tearing the grit out of his eyes and i passing a portable vacuum cleaner over his leonine locks, a colleague asks: "What' 3 the big idea of advertising free air on a day like thir?" * * . # IT DID ITS BEST. Our misunderstood (we feel) League of Nations icons not to have come well out of the Manchurian muddle. It is reported from Geneva that the council has admitted failure iv its efforts to settle the Sino-Japaneso 'conflict, "though a. solution is on the way-'* Still there is still the hope that the Council may be' expected to give it* moral support to any settlemeirS reached. You can't keep a good leagus ( down indefinitely. «.. • #. . ..:. ■# MASTERFUL. Our,new Minister of Education, Horn. K. Masters, has made a startling, almost sensational pronouncement. I»' reply to the suggestion of a deputation,' Mr. Masters said he wanted no economy committee to inquire into the question of the education vote; that was his responsibility, and he would attend to it himself. This sharp departure from tho modern policy of government by non-parliamentarian "experts" is * little disquieting; and we say so with-" out fear of contradiction. * » * MUS, MALAPEOP VISITS. Dear Mr. Flage,— Having taken to my couch owing to illness, I was visited by an elderly lady. Seeing no outward signs, such as a. .broken head or arm, she was apparently puzzled. Finally she asked:' "Is it your eternals that's wrong?" "YePj" I answered. "I am. inclined to think it must be." And" Percy. Hast heard: That tie' Jtiotor-bike fienda are still popping along all tight; some of the yachtsmen, hive been having a corking time late-. ly, the butchers are selling genuine died-:n-the-wool mutton; and finally' ' paperhangers; are doing a frieze? • . E.M.B. « * » O. 'HENRY WAS EIGHT.. M«ybo you remember that crime story; of O. Henry which was based on ths' theory that if a man is kind to animal* ■ ■ he will probably be mean to his women- . folk. The theory received support in a New York Court last month, when a ' gentleman with, a name resembling that of an old-time Polish patriot was sentenced to a month in gaol for throwing caustic poison, over his wife and beating her as she was lying in bed. A;- this gay gallant left tho dock to take up cell residence, ho shouted to the lady: "Don't forget to see that the dog is * # -» .QUAINT INDEED. Dear Percy,—Do you want to hear of any more funny names? I dou't believe anyone has told you that there, wac—inaybo the sign is still up—a tailor'in Blenheim (or at any rate somewhere near there on tho route the ser-, vice cars take to Nelson) named-"li. Patehett"; likewise I remember a •■ butcher's sign "Buncombe." And did, you know that Perth, Western Aus-j tralja, could boast a chemist with tho-. extraordinary name of "Fairfoul," of r - whom it was said his political opinions - must surely be " Yes-No "S Yours till wo get our water supply' then we will bo too proud to bo an; one's. "D.8." » 4 « THE "GLORIOUS FIRST." In. reality this, Ist October, when the armistice with trout,is terminated, and hostilities are resumed,' may well prove rather tho "inglorious First" for many Izaak "Waltons. Which reminds us that nobody sent us post-paid a nice fat trout last season. Perhaps we didn't' deserve.one. Ah, well. . . . With the hunter's lust newborn, Off they tramp' at break of morn, Every fibre in them thrilling, , Well accoutred for tha killing —. Nifty rod, capacious creel, v And a well-filled, well-oiled reel,* >}j 1 Plus the usual—need you ask!-* '*£ Something gurgling in a flask. 1 This is, then, the '"Glorious First,**- • When the Waltons do their worstHoping for the best—and go , Optimistically slow . Whipping pools1 or trees, or-both). , With a fat explosive oath, When the foot slips, and you glids. > > Thunderously into the tide. If' tho dry fly misses, then, ! Do as do most other men, '. When the ranger :)t the keeper v ' Isn't near ~. . procure a creeper, . ' And with that try to entice • Big trout to'the sacrifice. 'If that fails—as it may do— Well, the rest is up to you.,. , On the way homo you may buy 1 One or two ." . . and blithely li«jf 1 Or recount as best you may," I How,the- whopper got away. Blame tho weather : . . water rougs* Pull the hoary age-old bluff, * ' j Look an ill-used hero," and _ ' . \ /■ Wine, she will understand." J'.J *" * * ■ * 1% ' ISMS AND WASMS; ' - • ' Dear Purse, — ' ' ' t I don't know that I have earned tW [ right to call you by your Christiaa , name, having been absent' from your j columns —I mean Laving been on thai . water wagon—for many months aow.| I Beggar these hard times! Anyway, s* far as I can judgo'from the nightly reading (for want of something more \ interesting) of your Postcripts, it appears you don't mind how your friends ; address you. , Regarding curious signs. Uere is on« . that embellished the front entrance; of an ob'heuro hotel in North Otago,:— '■ '... ', — HOTEL. ACCOMMODATION FOR-SHEEP. Seemed curious to me, especially as this particular pub is in a dry area. Perhaps some of your traveller, correspondents can say if it is still there. Dou't you think our dictionary definitions are becoming somewhat out of date? What about a new. set to fit" tho chnuging conditions? For example, take a few of tho "isms":— Journalism —Nowspapering the Tempi* of Truth. Pessimism —A Scotsman's idea of a Birthday present. Optimism—Salary cuts in the Civil Service. Idealism —Wages without work. Socialism—Free drinks for the crowd. Cynicism—"The Poat" without,a Post-sc.-ipt. Fatalism—Falling over a baby's pram after successfully dodging a motor* car. Epicureanism—Dinner at the Soup Kitchen. Communism —Fourteen days without the option. Of course, you may not agree with some of these, and no doubt there are many of your readers who can go one bettor. What about giviug them ths. opportunity?— Yours sincerely, ~ : :'•'