POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 35, 11 February 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

The Chicago paper that deeid«-I not to publish crime stories probably realises that crime is not news in Chicago. . * » * An unerring contemporary provided us with this. Tho fact that the prison wall fell down when the earthquake occurred at Napier was denied by the Chief Inspector of.Prisons. If true, another case of official'mulishness, A fact isn't so easily disposed of as all that. . * . » ' * Any aay now it will be compulsory! for "owners and users of bicycles" in. Wellington to have half the rear mudguard painted white as a safety precaution. Sheer bureaucracy, paralleled only by the ukase of the Budapest Tramway Co., prohibiting employees from committing suicide when wearing uniform on the ground that the company's property was apt to become damaged or stained with blood to such an extent that it could not be re-issued. Fact! * * * We strove desperately to amplify this exercise in simple subtraction for our own special needs, but without avail. It is from the "Pure Oil News," but is far from "puerile" . . . forgive usJ, Nine little hot dogs . Sizziin' on a plate, In came the boarders • And then they were ate. ; (Memorandum: America's hot dogs are not necessarily composed of desiccated canines.—P.I 1.) '•♦. \ :. * ■ ■ • - : Apropos of the tunes, "Wiri th» Worry" sends us the following:— The Worry Cow would have lived, till now; But'tho silly thing lost her breatkj' She thought that the hay wouldn't last the day. And if retted herself to death. (Timely and to the point, "Wirii^ —JP.V.) ' * * * "C.M.8." offers this one as a contribution to our light relief fund. Ha reassures with tho statement that "a local firm, of realtors will attest tho authenticity of this yarn":— A star salesman of the real go-getter typo was trying to unload a particularly steep Section, and boyl How he could talk! "Just look at the superb view -—' and he swept an out-strecthed arm around the panorama grandiloquently. His audience was not greatly; impressed. He pointed with Ms scroll of plans and papers to the distant Mils. "Over there you'll observe the famous Blue " But he stumbled headlong over tho slope, somersaulting as lie went, talking all the way by sheer force of habit, and fetched up alongside an astonished workman who was building a fence. "Wonderful proposition —easy ter»is —10 per cent, down-—' balance small monthly payments on, principal and interest —just sign right here on the dotted line. No? Well, here's my card —look me up when, you're thinking of land." And hi* clambered quickly back to his bewildered "prospects" above. *.■•' •• ■ * * A new aid to longevity involving no' asceticism whatsoever. A Gallic citizen has just entered his 100 th year, anil but for a slight deafness is always remarkably himself. He has invariably; eaten and drank what he pleased, and here is the secret of his centenarian, success. From 'comparatively early; years until he was 90, he continued to work, as. a "builder's watchman"—his job was "to warn people walking on. pavements on which stray stones' and other, building material might fall." If this hews sends some of our noisiest unemployables. off hot foot to France, we shall, have rendered this country of ours a signal service.. * * * Consolation for the obese, for thai thin, and now the brighter side of bowlegs. . . . The Stradivarius, an iti please you, with bow to mateh — We know a bow-legged chap, and he Is just as cheerful as can be. He does not glower at home unnerved Because1, his nether limbs are curved, Describing arcs thai hit the eye1 Of almost every passer-by. He knows, whate'er his legs may lack They always take him there and back, His life's philosophy is sound. "So long as they reach to the ground, (He says) these quaint old pins Of mine Will serve their purpose nice and fine. They would have been, had I my wish. Like those that carry Lilian Gish, Or Greta Garbo's . . . what's the odds;; I'vo seen bow-legs on Eastern gods. "Again. Supposing a mad dog Came' charging down, or a wild hog. Ho couldn't miss you; but my bow He'd plunge straight through, and never know. So with our well-known Polar breeze That gives- you chilblains on tho knees — It takes mine for a tunnel, and Flies on unchecked. You understand T "And finally—in times of shock, How could my knees together knock?'' * * * INDIA'S MAN OF PEACE,—A "Post" heading to a cable «#so^ Gandhi.' .There are many eonoagitio^ of this boomed agitator, but here is oi^f limned for us by an American travefc ler-author (a woman), which strikes uf as both candid and penetrating. "For nearly two weeks I had prolonged my stay just to meet Gandhi —and he disappointed me. . . . AVhat perhaps troubled my ; equanimity was tho manner —that compound of the politician and the professional religionistl —so like that of the vorydark Indian whom you find in the West being condescendingly esoteric among a bevy of dewy-eyed females. . . Was it absolutely necessary, one wondered, gazing at the large jug-handle ears, the long, cunning nose, tho wide mouth, and the small eyes. "When I went upstairs to Gandhi's apartments in the guest house, I found him elaborately posed on a mattress with one of his adorer 3 anxiously taking down the pearls falling from his lips . . . Pne had again that deadening sents of the would-be great. . . . People wiio love t-o dissect themselves in,' public as Gandhi was just then doing in the newspapers are' often more actuated by exhibitionism ' than sincerity. But he was quite subtle. Had one not known something of his actions, one might have thought him rathey imbecile, at moments, but in India imbecility is one way of getting out of an answer. ' . ... In everything ho says and does, one is tremendously aware of the fact that he himself is aware of Gandhi doing this or saying that. And so the man's personality, his external personality, gets over exactly according to the best tenets o.£ American salesmanship.' . ." If this is too painfully disillusioning for you, write in and say so-+-succinct»