POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CX, Issue 140, 11 December 1930, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

"The world is cock-eyed," says a« American writer. Better, anyway,'than being chickou* hearted or hen-pecked.

Headline from "The Post"-^ BUCKLEY GETS LIFE. ' Vov taking it?

It is explained by tbose whoso tmsl« uess it is to defend the industry Ihat the talkies are still in their infancy. We'll say that's right, judging by, some of the infantile tosh they-fro-quently put over. ■

"Apropos oi; your pointers about' rail-sitters and pee-weo ears," -writes a client, "have you seen these?" "Log Angeles Times": Maybe statues of statesmen look unnatural because they are on a pedestal instead of & fence. "Philadelphia Inquirer": Wo are, now waiting to see the midget car priced "p. p. f."—parcel post at tha factory. Thanks. We're rather fond of tha last one.

According to Commissioner Doran, in charge of prohibition enforcement in Ashburton—pardon, we mean theU.S. A.—last 'year Federal officers made 68,000 arrests, and there were 54,001) convictions. Tho fines exceeded £1,000,----000. A continuation of this vigilance, and Prohibition will soon be paying for itself.

It appears that Don Bradinan, who defied tho Australian Cricket Council by writing articles when on tour, is. being disciplined to tho extent of £150. Mve other members of the team have' received that amount for being good, boys. So— Hfoi1 breaking a rule Of his Test cricket-school, By writing those articles nifty, Young Don's made a duck, While five others, in luck, Have each scored one hundred and fifty.

We must refuse to accept any responsibility for either the facts or opinions that form, part of this letter.—Dr. P. Mage, D.D. (Soxon). Dr. P. Mage, D.D. (80x0n.)., Chronicler of Chronic Comments, , "Evening Post," Wellington. Dear Doc.—Ee your ecclesiastical query: "Would it be possible to train one's self to slumber through the offertory?" Training is not needed, sleep at such times comes naturally to most of us, and to Scotchmen instinctively* But this practise became too popular, and gave rise to so much soporific quackery as to cause a. serious slump in offerings, not in sleep. So it came to pass that this evil was sternly discouraged, and effectively, by starting up the organ and choir and keeping them going during Ms important function. No one has slept since. In on» church (in Dunedin, I think it was)| tho noise of the sleeping congregation, became terrific. Somewhere in the back pews sat a score of husky, bewhiskered Aberdonians, snoring as though inspired or possessed. Onward came the collection plates. Louder and louder grew; that awful roar of laboured breathings,; At last the plates arrived, and from twenty throats one great united Caledonian snore went up—and with it went tho roof! An tii nt c rdenominationalistically; yours, OZZY.

' To-day our own Mamie has taken foe her text slimming (her own) and. big polities. It certainly looks as though, the urbane Mr. Wright, M.P., is not to receive the M'Clancy vote next year. But, as the dear lady herself frequently] has put it, "You never can't always toll." . What Ml you 'avo? Some cakes and teafj "Bighto. A glass of milk for me, A lettuce sandridge, and a slice Of lemon. Ain't the weather nicef I took off 'arf a pound last week. That's quite good goin', so to speak, I does my hoxercises, too. Touchin' your toos is 'nvd. to do. Frog-leapin' is another one . . . At 'ome I'll show you 'ow it's don^ You crunch against the wall, and jafes An' flop down with a norful bump, An' up again. . . an' down again, • Until your legs 'as got a pain. I smack me muscles till they sting An' go as red as anything. It makes your 'cart go pitterpat, I simply won't stay rollin' fat. Atmore's a bird, without a doubt, A dinky-die old gadabout, Doiu' the grand with trowels of gold An' keys to match. My dear —I 'ols He's gatherin' medals in this way In case he strikes a rainy day. I seen our Percy 'ad a go At Coates and wavy-Davy-oh. If Gordon's manna ain't gone phuK For good-en-all, I'll be the mutt. 1 wonder what lies bosses thinks; They're not the lads to mix their drinks Like that. I'm trooly in a fix : About our 'arf-pie politics. If Forbes can't pull this country through It's out for Georgie . . and then who? I'll bet old 'Olland's snoopin' round, He's ear glued tightly to the ground.

More "Shorts from Courts"—at "Daily Express" feature: Willcsden complainant: This man, leads an. irregular life —bathing, caddying, and working on a inusTTfoom farm, Nottingham prisoner to tho Bench:' Mr. Chairman and gentlemen, I already; owe you 30s. Defendant, in a letter to the Kingston, Bench: I pload guilty to all three ae-. counts. r 3£an, at Highgate: I was married last Saturday. The chairman: For better o\ for worso? Man: For worse. I havo bees, out of work for ten weeks. Woman at the Thames Court: My husband is a porter at a pieturs palaeo. The Magistrate, Mr. F. T. Barringtosa Ward, K.C.: I know. One of the swell* who wear a general's uniform. Kingston reveller: Why did not tho police take off my boots and braces' when they put me in the cell as they do. in the Army? Chairman: You think it.» negligent on their part not to have dona so? Bovcller: I have never been in. tho cells before as a civilian. Solicitor at Stratford: A man dealing: in rags is assumed by law to be a. "rajjj and bone dealer." Another solicitor; That is the officia.l mind.