POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CX, Issue 125, 24 November 1930, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY RAGE *

"One trouble with business is that too many times people starting in it try to get ahead too fast."—Henry} Ford. " - It's one trouble, too, with more than.' one make of car, we notice.

From our news columns of Tecent date. Openness has been estimated to cost New Zealand a loss of £1,000,000 a year. You musn't jump to the- conclusion that this is a reference to a costly nar. tional frankness. Not so; it is merely our "holey" cheese under review.

Piscatorial headline from the Pacific coast: — SICK GOLF FISH. Probably a reference. to those poo*, fish who get into a bunker in no timf and take half the morning to get out.

"Give us the frame, and we shall provide the picture," says, in effect, the; Aga Khan, urging the great Raj ta grant India Dominion, status. ' In words impassioned thus he spake:

"Give us tho frame and we shall mak* ■ A picture that will bring to you And us, the peace we both pursue." But can tho Aga guarantee The needful Colour harmony?

"Red Fed" writes: "In the good oldmilitant days when we formed the Alliance of Labour on the pattern of tha Syndicalist Industrial Workers of the World organisation, Jini Roberts and. the rest of our choir used to enjoy that tuneful chant: I' Workers of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains. ' > "Since a controversy has occurred between Comrade Roberts and Brothel; Bromley, I have come ,to the conclusion that we had better vary trTe words 0$ the chant somewhat: Workers of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but you^ brains.

"Ozzy" (Silverstream) has winnow« ed this little advertisement from "-Thai Post":— WANTED, Man, for Quarry "Work, must be used to jumping; only experienced men need apply. Apply Eoom 215. Then "Ozzy" tells this thoroughly] truthful story: — Jumping is a very necessary qualification in this class of work if you wish' to come out whole. I worked in a quarry once and I know. You learn to. jump quicker in a quarry than anywhere (and I've been in the front line1 trenches). If you jump quick, you're safe. Once when a blast went ofi sooner than I expected, I jumped clear inta the next quarry and landed on a big charge of gelignite about to explode. I did not stop to make inquiries, I jumped right back again, with a good deal of promptness. Yes, quarry work certainly keeps you on the jump. The only really safe thing in a quarry these days is a kangaro.o!

What follows is less than the dust-bey* neath thy chariot ■wheel. It is the work' ' of Isido^ M'Flage, who, a. rhyme foij Hollywood having inspirationally com* to him, lent himself to this perversion^ Conscience compels us to add that—(l)] M'Elage has never been to Hollywood, (2) is a staunch Prohibitionist; (3) the first line of each stanza is more or less plain theft.. We dreamt we dwelt in marble halli At Hollywood, at Hollywood; Picking pink turtles off the walls ' As any son of folly would. When you have "led" a gilt-edgei cast • In whoopee dazzling and exotic, You're liable, dear'lad, at last, To grow, oh just a bit, neurotic We dreamt we knelt in marble halll At Hollywood, at Hollywood, To kiss fair Gloria's overalls, As wooers fat and jolly would, Who make obeisance to each star—• The bestest things yet man-created, 'And love them just for what thejr are; Sweet girls, quite unsophisticated^ We dreamt we smelt in marble haUs, At Hollywood, at Hollywood, Such fragrance as our-nose recalls That Mamie, Mil, and Molly woulj( Have innocently bestowed on those Avid of petting party blisses: The rabbit-headed fur-lined beaux, Wealthy enough to share tneif kisses.

We lave read' oi the . giant Auk, have touched most reverentially the thigh-bone .of a moa, but so far w« have not cast eyes on the egg of th* extinct elephant bird. One-such antique has been re-ceived by one of / America's distinguished ornithologists and collectors of rare bird eggs. This,one of the three known to be in existence, belonged to the aepyornis maximus, which strode across Madagascaraeons ago, and is known in nat-, ive legends as the "bird as big aj a mountain." The treasure was unearthed by a European naturalist following an inundation. It measures 3,01 inches by 26J inches in circumference, and was laid by a bird whose leg bones were 13 inches long-and 18 inches in.' circumference. There'are, it is said; no available data on the birds or exactly when they lived, as sq few fos-: sil remains have been found. Our readers' ornithological curiosity thusl having been met, we conclude with the reflection that the cackle to match the depositing of that egg must havaj shaken the empyrean. .

Journalistic amenities in the Corn Belt, Nebraska, as reported in the New York "Times." One of the small town editors, goaded beyond the limiti of endurance by the gibes of a brother editor, gave him both, barrels in this fashion: — "This old squint-eyed, baboon-faced, bald-headed fossil, together with his handful of imps, has been slammingand damning the Republic family with, his 'slush mill' for so long that it has reached the point of combat. He has dipped his vile pen in poison fluid and spread his poisonous propaganda with both hands and mouth in a villifying and malicious attempt to crush us morally, physically, and financially. _ The low-down, dirty worm, who wriggled out of the Republican Convention and loaded Old with the falsifying dope for his slush factory is the same sleek, slimy, snake-like specimen of humanity." There was nearly a column of this. And then, apparently, unconscious of the ironic contrast, the- editor picked up this par of "fill up" for the purpose of completing the column: "A soft answer turneth away wrath, but gri«s> jous words-stir up>. anger*?-*],