"IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY."

Evening Post, Volume XCVII, Issue 127, 31 May 1919, Page 14

"IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY."

It was a summer evening; Old Kaapar was at homo,' Sitting before his cottage door — Like in tho Southey pome— And near him, with a magazine, Idled liis grandchild, Geraldine. "Why don't you ask mo," Kaspar said To the child upon the floor, "Why don't you aek me what I did When I was in tho war? They told me that each little kid Would surely ask me what I did. "I've had my Btory ready . For thirty years or more." "Don't bother, Grandpa," said the child ■ "I find such things abore. Pray leave me to my magazine," Asserted little GeraJdine. Then entered little Peterkin, To whom his gaffer said: ""Sou'd like to hear about the war? How I was left for dead?" "No. And, besides," declared the youth, "How do I know you speak the truth?" Arose that wan, embittered man, The hero of this pome, And walked, with not unsprightly step Down' to the Soldiers' Home, Where he, with seven other men, Sat swapping lies till half-past ten. —Franklin P. Adams. N.Y. Life. ' "My husband is bo jealous." "Howabsurd!" "Why, isn't yours?" "Of courso not," "How humiliating!" "This is my only child, little Margarine." "Gracious! What a name!" ■'Well,, you see, I haven't any but her!" "Are you married ?" inquired the census man. "Oh, dear no," said the little lady, blushing; "I've never even been married " A bachelor, h one of two things—he is either too big a coward to take the chance, or else he's devilish handsome and doesn't have to. Wifo: Whenever I kiss you, you ask me if it's a new dress I want. You are unfair. Hub: Well, perhaps I am. After all, it may bo only a hat. "Does your wife drive a caT?" "Not exactly," replied Mr. Chuggins. "Shedoesn't do the actual work, but when she's in tho car she decides which way it is going every time." Lady: Yes, they are very nice gooseberries, but aren't they dirty? Street Vendor: Dirty ? Think I can wash 'em and part their hair in the middle for tuppence a' pound in these times ? ' Marcella: Is Minerva, Milsop making a name for herself on the stage ? Waverly : I should say sho is. Sho has changed.,it three times already, and still she doesn't seem to be satisfied with it."

Mrs; Cassidy : Norah is takin' on awful. Her husband's . got three years—but lie can get wan ofE for good behaviour. Mrs. O'Brien : Tell her to rest aisy. Shure an' ho may not behave himself. ■

A physician upon, opening the door of Ms consulting room asked : "Which one of you has. been waiting the longest?" "I haye," spoke up a man in a stentorian voice. "I'm your tailor. I delivered your clothes four weeks ago."

"My uncle, 'Bije Beenaway, has come back after being absent from the old home town for nearly 40 years," announced Burt Blurt, of Petunia. "I betcha. he see a good 'eal that surprises him," asserted old Riley Rezzidew. "Yes. He says he is amazed to obsorve the changes that have not taken pla^e." ■