A DREAM OF THE ZOO

Evening Post, Volume LXXXV, Issue 33, 8 February 1913, Page 9

A DREAM OF THE ZOO

(By Eareye.)

IN THE STILLY NIGHT A LOST GAZOOKA. j

Two o'clock in tho morniug. and the Gazooka had not been fed with chocolates, out of the blue box. For spite, ho was eating fir-cones, out of the red tin. Tho town was excited. Everybody was there. lVot a soul was left at the moving pictures. Even the "blind tigers' and "liyht-houses" of the slybottlo businei-6 warn in the grounds. This i 3 very terrible — horrible — deplorable," eaid Mr. Cre wee, in slow tones 01' infinite sorrow. -"I wonder what the newspapers will say?" Meanwhile soveial reporters were interviewing the Gazooka. who was clacking his teeth in the Morse code, which ' the pressmen translated on their fingers in tho deaf-mute manner. He told them ; that he had not been worse insulted sir.co somebody suggested in Tho Poet that hie boarding bill ■ should be cut down to £5 a week, and that the luxury of tobr.cco for chewing should be stopped after six mouths' notice. He expected another indignation meeting of all the animals. Parliament was hastily, assembled by wireless, airships, and motors, and a Royal Commission was appointed 'to di« cover how the blue box had been mis* laid. All this time the City Council was sitting at the gates, where it had been in constant session, for many months, with bed and beard convenient, passing votes of thanks to the givers of snakes, porcupines, great anteaters, hippopotami, elephants, whales, Bengal tigers, and jack-rabbits. Suddenly ii man rode up on a Wigwag (the gift of tho Dowager-Empress of China). He announced that the King had agreed to the change of name from New Zealand to New Zoolaud, provided the primest feather of the Gazooka'a starboard tail was given to the Prince of Wales every Easter. Very good, very good, very good," said Mr. Crewes, "but what about the compensation for the Gazooka?" The man on the Wigwag said he had forgotten to aek. He would ride back to London at once, and return with the next tide. The gates were now swinging open for the procession of the Inkanoonas, birds of plaid plumage (on the Gordon pattern), presented by the Sultan of Zanzibar. Mr. W. Dobson headed the merry marchers with a megaphone, proclaiming that the appearance of the birds was proof that ail Territorials should bo clad in kilts, at least in summer. After the Inkanoonas had been escdrted to their palace by the Governor, the Premier, and .the Mayor, the City Council received a deputation of Newtown residents, praying that their suburb should bo burnt down to permit a reasonable expansion of the Zoo. The Newtownites were prepared to provide the matches and the kerosene. The council resolved to abolish the fire brigade, and tho conflagration was then ordered. The people applauded the blazes, surrounded the council, and sang "For They are Jolly Good Fellows." Then somebody went round with a hat for funds to defray the transport costs of a Flipflop, a Blugwug, a Parpoom, and a Munjuk, _ the gifts of ex-Presidents Castro, Diaz, Roosevelt, and Taft, respectively. The Newtownites declared that they would be glad to live in pits and trees, after the style of the bears and birds. Before the smoke had cleared away from the Newtown flare deputations arrived from Brooklyn, Wadestown, Thorndony. Te Aro Flat, Karori, Hataitai, and Krlbirnie, protesting against the preferential treatment of Newtown, which was not even represented on the Greater Wellington Municipal Associat" )n * Tn ?y did n°t see why the council should make fire of one, and leave the other places intact. If the City Council did not agree at once to a general burning for Zoo purposes, they would secede from the city and elect borough councils which would be glad to make room lor independent 2oog. This threat immediately stirred the council to mcendiarism, and . splendid scope was soon furnished for an indefinite expansion of the Zoo. A mass meeting of the citizens was at once convened, and it was resolved to send deputations to all the Kings and Prrnces of Christendom, all the sultans, pashds, and beys of the Mahomedan world, and all limited, or unlimited monarchs of all the continents, in quest of the most weird animals, birds, and reptiles known to anybody. Somebody spoke of an aeroplane expedition to Venus and Mars to look for Bomboes and Crawcuses, about which he had read in a penny book. The Utmost enthusiasm prevailed till Mr. Crewes called out— quickly : — "THE GAZOOKA HAS ESCAPED." The Royal Commission had taken evidence among all the animals, except the' monkeys which had been omitted; by a blunder, from the order of reference, and while the commission was framing the report of its failure, a Chimpanzee slipped into the Gazooka's golden enclosure. He tied the blue bos to the sacrosanct creastarboard tail, and left the gate open. The elephants and rhinoceroses soon heard 01 the outrage, and they ran amok. They smashed all the fences and StvaiSl th 6 Whol ° Z °° ™ ished Everybody wept. "I don't know where we shall get another spookjak," sobbed Mr. _ Crejves. "It was the last one the Amir of Afghanistan had." And the Grapcat !•' sighed another. We shall never look upon his Hk e again. He was the only known cross J^veen a scrub turkey and a bower"Hope springs eternal in the human breast, said Mr. Crewes, valiantly. Let us despatch the deputations. We shall yet have a greater Zoo than ever if we can only get another Gazooka."