WHAT GILBERT MISSED,

Evening Post, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 88, 15 April 1911, Page 10

WHAT GILBERT MISSED,

Let us suppose that W. S. Gilbert had been born November 18, 1860, in New York. In that event, relying upon the infallibility of figures, we may aseume that "The Mikado" would have been completed in 1909. By last week the promising young author might have got hie libretto past the office-boye and to a manager. We will imagine that he did 6o and was granted an audience. "Mr. Gilbert?" "Yes." "Sit down, fll attend to you in a minute. ' (Asterisks representing the lapse of half an hour, during which tho manager chate with the head of hie billposting gang, with two eoubrettee and a ticket-speculator.) "Now, Mr. Gilbert! There's good stuff in your show and I'll produce itproviding you're willing to make some changes. To begin with, I can't see your title." "You can't see " "It don't mean anything ! 'The Mic-a-do!' We'll have to get something catchier — with 'Girl' in it, or 'Widow.' . I got it! 'The Girl and tho Garter' !" "But it— it doesn't fit.", "Oh, that's all right! My stagemanager'll write in a few lines that'll make it fit! Now, as to the story — it won't do to have the whole thing happen, in Japan." "No?" "No. We want to hand 'em something up-to-date — something they'll recognise. Japan's all right for the first act. The second act ought to come off in New York — say in Churchill's, or the Orange Room at the Hotel Aster. That gives your girls a chance. No audience is going to stand for two acts of girls dressed in kimonas." < "But I " "You might write a third act for that restaurant scene ; then you could have the second act on a yacht. Yachts ar« always good. You want to cut out some of your Chinks. The executioner fellow — now, nobody'll laugh at an executioner. It's — it's gruesome. Make him a rich brev/er from St. Louis, and I'll get a tip-top German comedian for the part. He's in Japan looking for a Dook to marry his daughter— that's Yum-Yum. She is struck on the tenor, same as in your story, but nix on the wandering minstrel. You can't have a lover in black-face. He ought to be a champagne agent, or a na.vaL lieutenant, and the brewer thinks he's a Dook! Do VT>u see?" "Yes — y«6 — I think so. Somehow, it doesn't seem quite in the — the spirit of the piece. However, I suppose you know best. Have you any other suggestions?" "Nothing important. We got to work in a lot of jokes. ■ You can crib 'em from the comic papers, and there' 6 plenty of room for 'em. Take that place where Ko Ko says, 'These are my three wards.' He ought to say, 'First Ward, Second Ward, and Third Ward, or 'It's a bum politician that can't carry his own. Ward,' or something of the kind. That's always been funny." "Y-e-e, I suppose so." "Of course, your lyrics won't do. Too many long words. Why, nearly every line ends with a word of two or three syllables. Get some rhymes like 'blue' and 'true,' and 'love' and 'dove,' and 'home' and roam.' And then you want to stick in a waltz, so's we can have it sung eight or ten. times in the show. I'll have an orchestra in the lobby to play it between acts and your publisher'll put a lot of kids in the gallery to whistle it. Your moon song's up-to-date, but you'll have to can all that 'Tit Willow' and 'Flowers that Bloom in the Spring' stuff. What people want is numbers — numbers with girls in 'em, and some kind of stunt like dress-suit cases that turn out' to be a battleship flying the American flag. Cut that 'Hearts Do not Break' thing and we'll get a live one like 'I Always Love the Last Girl Best,' or 'I Want to Take the Ladies as I Find 'Em.'" And you — you don't think tho piece could succeed as it is?" "Not a chance, my boy — not a cha-nce ! You're all right, and I'm willing to gamble that you'll make good, but softpedal on that high-brow stuff. It's all right for me and you, but you can't get it to them fat-heads in front. I ain't here to educate the public, and you ain't, either. You keep your mind on that and work hard and some day you'll have your own automobile and be right up in a clae6 with George V. Hobart and Glen MacDonough." — Charming Pollock in New York Life.