A CHURCH-GOING ONION EATER.

Dunstan Times, Issue 1249, 5 February 1886, Page 3

A CHURCH-GOING ONION EATER.

The people of a certain western town in New South Wales are said to he involved in a diffi", ulty of a novel kind, and one for which it is not easy to discover a remedy. The inhabitants of that settlement are of a religious turn, and they- pojeess alaige and handsome yvith a congregation which*" is'- hfetpßjJ'idWreasing. Bni> there is one e/renmsldade which poisons their happiness and makes their temple of worship, if not a-den of tliieges, at least a place where bad language is uttered in whispeis, and evil passions' rise. A prominent member of the Church has lately evinced a partiality for onions, and ha consumes these, vegetables ope by one with calm deliberation, while his neighbours try vainly to fix their thoughts on Paradise, and secretly wish him in Gchnnua, The trial, moreover, is not a, trivial or temporary one, hut a prolonged agony which endures Sunday after Sunday, and increases in force with each succeed ing'Veek. At the moment the text is given out this ims worthy member places himself in a c inferrable attitude in the corner of his pew, and betakes himself to onions, just an other Christiana betake themselves to lollies or steep ; and he continues in a state of tranquil enjoyment till (he words i “ Finally, dear brethren, ’• wake;, him holt the last bulb iu Lists and foehfor his hymn-book.

The Bymn which follows 'is one*' of the hardest of the many trials which, this unhappy congregation have to encimnte , and when they see their brother rue to his feet surrounded by an odor which is not that of sanctity, they brace themselves fiimly to endure what is coming. At the conclusion of the first verse tho sacred building smells like a costermonger’s cart; at the enl of the second it is suggestive of a s -cond-rate restaurant where Irish stew predominates ; and when at length the hymn has come to an end any good which tho sermon might have effected has gone for ever, and even the deacons and church-wardens are thirsting for carnage. Remonstrances have been resorted to, but without success, and the inspector of nuisances, who has carefully examined the offending individual, has reported that he cannot see his way to interfere. In the ease of a dead horse or dog he would recommend cremation, but in tho present circumstances he thinks quarantine would meet the case. A proposal to remove the church to some less infected spot has not received much support, as it is feared this troublesome member would rather follow it than lose the spiritual privileges he now enjoys. One of the churchwardens, when speaking to a legal friend recently, is said to have asked in a casual manner what really constituted homicide ; but whether this question had any bearing ou the circumstances it is impossible to say. Meanwhile, however, the. gentleman with the onions remains in possession. He enjoys the use of eight or ten sittings,.though ho pays for one only, and from all appearances he will soon have the entire church at hia own disposal ; and he has achieved an amount of cheap notority in his own district which is probably very gratifying to his ill-rogulatbd mind.