ANOTHER SELECTION FROM “THE BLUNDERS OF A BASHFUL MAN.”

Dunstan Times, Issue 1085, 9 February 1883, Page 3

ANOTHER SELECTION FROM “THE BLUNDERS OF A BASHFUL MAN.”

It.may deem strange for you to hea>of me again after the conclusion of the last chapter of my blunders. But it was not I who made the lust blunder —it was the druggist. Quito bv mistake the imbecile who wailed upon me put up four ounces of the aromatic syrup of rhubard I felt myself gradually sinking into the do ith sleep after I had taken it. With the thought of Be'le uppermost in my mind, I allowed myself to sink—“no more catastrophesafier this last and grandest one -no more red faces—big mouth tea-tapki-'s—wonder—if she—will be —sorry !” and I became unconscious I was awakened from a comfortable slumber by lo id screams; mo hj r stood by my bed, wi hj the vial labelled “laudanum” in one hand my letter.n the other Father rushed into the room. “ Father, John's committed suicide Oh ! thing the tartar-emetic quick ! make some coffee as strong as lye ! • 'll, send for a stomach pump ! Tell Mny to bring the things and put the coffee on ; and yon come here, an’ We'll walk him up ami down—keep him a-going --that’s his only salvation. Oh, John, John! that ever your bashfulness should drive you into this ! Up with him, father ! Oh, he’s dying ! He ain’t able to help himself one bit !” They dragged me off the bed, and marched me up and down the room, supposing, as a matter of course, that I ought to be expiring. I felt that I was expiring. My knees t tiered .under me ; they only hauled mo round tho more violently. They forced a spoonful of tartar-eme ic down ray throat; Mary, the serva it gir', poured a quart of h’ack coffee down mo, half outside and half in ; then they jerked me about the floor again, as if we were dancing a Virginia reel. The doctor c ime and poked a long rubber tube down, and converted me into a patent pump, until the tartaremetic, and the coffee, and the pnmkin pie f b al eaten for dinner had all revisited this mundane sphere. They had no mercy on me; [ promenaded up and down and across with father, with Mary, with tho doctor, nu f il I felt that I should die if they didn’t allow me to stop promenading. The worst of it was the house was full of folks; (hey crowded about the chamber door an-1 looked at me, dancing up and down with the hired girl and the doctor. ‘ Shut that door ; they shall riot look at me !’ I g ispe 1 at last. The doctor felt my pulse, and said proudly to ray mother—- * Madam, your son shall live ! Our skill and vigilance have saved him.’ ‘ B!e-s you, doctor!’ sobbed ray parents, ‘ I will ?io{ live,’ I moaned, ‘ to be the laughing stock of Babbleton. I will buy some more.’ ‘John,’ said my father, weeping, ‘ arouse yourself! You shall leave this place, if you desire it—onlv live! I will get you tho position of weatherganger on top of Mount Washington, if you say so; but don’t commit any more suicide, my son.’ I was aff-'cted, and promised that I wouldn’t, provided that 1 was f and a situation somewhere by myself. So the excitement subsided. Father slept with me that night, keeping (me eye open ; the doctor got the credit of saving my life, and the girls of Babbleton were scared out of laughing at me for a whole month. When we came to talk the matter over seriously—father and I—it was found to bn too late in the season to procure ms the Mount Washington appointment for the winter ; besides, the effect of my attempt to “shuffle ff this mortal coil” was to literally overrun our store with customers. People came from the country for fifteen miles around, in ox teams, on horseback, in sleighs and cutters, and bob-sle is and crockery crates, to buy something, in hopes ofgottingaglirapse of the bashful young man who swallowed the pizen. Now, father was too cute a Yankee not to take advantage of the mob. He forgot his promises, and made me stay in the store from morning till night, so that women could say, ‘ I bought this ’ore shirting from the young man who committed suicide ; he did it up witli his own hands.’ ‘ I’ll give you a fair share of the profits, John,’ father would say, slyly. Well, things went on as it greased ; the girls mostly stayed away—the Babbleton girls, for they had guilty consciences, 1 suspect, and in February there came a thaw. I stood looking out of the store window one day ; the snow had melted in the street, and light over the stones that had been laid across the road for a walk there was n great puddle of muddy water about two yards wide and a foot deep. I saw Hetty Slocum tripping across the street. Shecime to tho puddle and stood still; tho soft slush was heaped up on either side —shoe mldn’t got round, and sho couldn’t go through. My natural gallantry got 1 tha v batter of my rqseptmeut, and went out to 'help her over, notwithstanding what she had sai l when I was under the counter. Planting one foot firmly in the centre of the puddle, and bracing the other against tho kerbstone, I extended my hand. ‘ If you’re good at jumping, Miss Slocum,’ said I, 1 I'll laud yon safely on this side.’ 4 Oh,’ said sho roguishly, ‘ Mr

Flutter, can I trust you,’ and she stretched out her little gloved hand All my old embarrassment rush d over me. I became nervous at the critic d moment when I should have heeii cool. I never c uitd te’! just how it happened - whether her glove was slippery, or my foot slipped on a piece of ice under the slush or w at—but the -next moment we were both of ns sitting down in fourteen inches of very cold, very muddy water. My Lest heaver hat flew off and was run over by a pissing sled, while a litile dog ran away with Hetty’s sea'skiu muff, I floundered around in that puddle for about two minutes, and then I got up Hetty still sat there. She was white, she was so mud. •I might have known letter,’ said she. * Let mo alone. I’d s t here for eve.r, be ore I’d let. you h°lp me up.’ The boys were coming homo from school, and they began to hoot and laugh. I ran after the little dog who was making oft with the muff. How Hetty got up, or who came to her rescue, 1 don’t know. Tha l . cur belonged about four miles out of town, and ho never lot me up until he got borne. I grabbed tho muff just as he was disappearing under he house with it, and then I walked slowly back. The people who didn’t know me took me tor an escaped convict—l was watersoaked and muddy, hatless, and had a sneaking expression, like that of a convicted horse thief. Two or three persons attempted to arrest me. Finally, two stout f rmnrs succeeded, and brought me into the village in triumph, and marched me between them to the gaol. ‘Why, what’s Mr Flutter been doin’?’asked the sheriff, coming out to meet us 1 Do you mean to say von know him,’ inquired one of the men. ‘Yes, I know him. That’s our esteemed fellow-citizen, young Flutter. ‘ 'ml he ain’t no home thief nor nnthiu ’ ? ’ ‘ Not a bit of it, I assure you.’ The man eyed me from head to foot, critically and contemptuously. 1 Then all I’ve got to say,’he remarked s owly, ‘ is this—appearances are very deceptive,’ It was getting dusk by this time, and I was thankful tor it. ‘ I slipped clown in a mud puddle and lost my hat,’ I explained to the sheriff, as 1 turned away, and had the satisfaction of bearing the other one of my ancestors say behind ray back—- ‘ Oh, drunk.’ I hired a little boy for five cents, to deliver Miss Slocum’s muff at her residence. Then I into the house by the kitchen bribed Mary to clean my soiled pants' without telling mother, slipped npstaiis, and went to bed without my supper. The next day 1 bought a handsome seven-dollar ring, and sent it to Hetty as some compensation for the damage done to her dress. , That evening .was singing school evening. I went early, :-o as to get my seat without attracting attention. Early as I was, I was not the first. A group of young people was gathe ed about the great black board, on which the master illustrated his lessons. They were having lots of fun, and did not notice me as I came in. I stole quietly to a seat behind a pillar. Fred Hencoop was drawing something on the board, and explaining it. As he drew back and pointed with the long stick, 1 saw a splendid caricatu e of myself pursuing a small dog with a muff, while a young lahy sat quietly in a mud puddle in the corner of the black board, and Fred was saying with intense gravity—- “ This is the man, all tattered and torn, that spattered the maiden all forlorn. This is the dog that stole the muff. This is the ring he sent the maid ” “ Muff-in ring, suggested someone, and then they laughed louder than ever I felt that that singing school was no place for me that evening, and 1 stole away as noiselessly as I had entered. I went home and packed my truck. The next morning T said to father—- “ Give, mo my share of the profits for the last month,” and he cave me 130 dollars. “I am going where no one knows me, mother,so goo i-bye. You’d hear from me when I’m settled,” and I was actually off on the nine o’clock New York express. Every seat was full in every car but one ; one se it beside a pretty, fashionably dressed young lady was vacant. I stood up against the wood-box and looked -it that seat as a boy looks at a jar of peppermint-drops in a caudv stare window, After a whi-e I reflected that these people were n'l strangers, and, of course, unaware of my 7' infirmity ; this gave me a certain degree of courage. I left tho support of the wood-box and made my way along the aisle until I came to the vacant scat, “Miss, I began, politely, but the lady purposely looked the other way. She had her bag in the place where I wanted to sit, and she didn't mean to move it if she could help it. “ Miss,” I siid again, in a louder tone. Two or three people looked at us. That confused me ; her refusing to look around contuse 1 inn; one ot my old bad spells began to come on. “Miss,” I whispered, leaning toward her, blushing and embarrassed, “ I would like to know if you are engaged —if- if you are taken, I mean ?”

Bho looked at me then dm:]) enough.. “ Yes, sir, I am," she said, calmly j “and going 10 he married next week " I he passengers began to lau'b, and I began to back out. 1 didn’t stop at the wood-box, hut retreated into the next car, where 1 stood until my legs ached; and then sat down by an an cient lady, with long nose, blue spectacles and a green veil