A ELECTRICAL LOG.

Dunstan Times, Issue 1050, 2 June 1882, Page 4

A ELECTRICAL LOG.

We «an recommend the following from the Brooklyn Eagle , to those scientifically disposed Sydney contemporaries who are sanguine of seeing electrical ms«hi« v ei , y taking the place of steam. They will find the electrical dog about as decisive a fact as an olect< ical motor for dragging loads on a tramway: “ Can I have a word in private with the man who writes the ‘Questions Answered,” inquired a rural looking gentleman, anxiously. “ I am the man,” respon ed the •encyclopedia. “ I want yon to help me out in something,” sid the stranger “ I live down at Flatlands, and the other day a pedler sold my wife an electric dog.” “ Never heard of such u thing,” observed the Questions man. “What is he like ?”

“Well, he’s like to burst up the ranch if I can’t stop him,” said the stranger-earnestly. Jt Don’t yon know about such things 7” “I can nndersrand how a battery -could be placed, so as to give awkward motion to the legs and tail, with •carbon points to light the eyes,” ruminated the philosopher. “ How does lie work 7 Has he got, carbon points 7” “ I guess he has, and the carbon points in all directions,” returned the Btsanger, gloomily. “ The pedler told nr wife to pour vitriol in hb ear, and she did. Stranger, there isn’t a whole -stick of furniture left in my house, and tlm dog Iras got the whole place to himself. My family live in the ■woodshed ”

“That’s strange,” muttered the target for interrogation points, “ the batteries must have got out of order. Can’t you bieak the connection 1” “ Just what I want i” exclaimed the Flatlands man, brightening np. “If T could only break off all connection •with the dog I’d open a squash pie Now, just tell me how it’s done.” “ you see,” said the philosopher, leaning forward and scratching his bead, “the influence of the battery on -t.be magne+s must be irregular. What -does the dog seem to do 1” “The first thing he did, when she loaded him, was to go for a ham. 'Then he gobbled a barrel of potatoes, and drank nearly four bar els of hard •cider. That goaded him to madness, and he turned loose on the furniture. Fat np everything. Nothing too good for him Three cats, a goat and ten tame rabbits, besides a cook stove, two clocks, tables, chairs, wash tub, a soapstone griddle, and a grindstone. The prospectus pasted on him said lie was warranted to take the place of the imperfect domestic animals now in us l '; none genuine without signature j look out for ‘imitations. That last wasn’t necessary, stranger He’s kept ns busy looking out for him.”

“The most remarksble'thing I ever heard of! ” ejaculated the encyclope dia. rumpling his hair. “ Does he seem to shock you when you touch bim 7”

“ He doesnt’t wait till we touch bim, for that. Besides, we can’t get near him. He just goes from one end •of the building to the other, and from bottom to top. I guess his magnets must be irregular,” and the stranger sighed deeply and looked pitifully for some advice

“ That’s what it is,” murmured the ’Questions man. “There’s some difficulty about the polarisation. You’ll have to wait until the cells consume the acid, or else give him water and •drown out the active principle.” “ But he won’t drink.” protested the victim. “We put a tubful within bis reach, but he snaps and barks at it rand rims a wav. Feather beds are the onlv tuing that seem to slake his thirst. My wife says he’s got hydrophobia, and s' e’s morally afraid he’ll bite the cliildeu.”

“ By Jove I” exclaimed the philosopher. “There’s something in that 7 "Wafer won’t cmi'd e with the vitroll in solution, and the sight of it makes the dog mad. What did you pay for the dog 7” “ Four dollars, and I’ll give forty to •get rid of him.” “You got him cheap,” said the 'Questions man, “What do the •plates look like?’ “He hasn’t got any plates except ■what he’s eat. He’s got hair like any •other dog.” “ 1 don’t understand,” muttered the •/philosopher. “ How heavy is he 7” “ Weighs two or three pounds. He’s only a pup. When he grows up, I am going to call on the President Tor troops’” “ Yon say he is covered with hair: •what is he made of 7”

“ Flesh and bones, of course 1 What ■do you suppose a dog is made of 7” retorted the stranger -contemptuously.

“ Is he alive?” demanded the en■cyclopedia, with his eyes bulging •out.

“ He’s was wben 1 left. Think I •came here to ask voubow to get along with a dead dog?” and tbe stranger flared ominously.

“ And your wife poured vitriol into bis ear ?” yelled the professor of uni■versal intelligence.

“ Of course -she di hj The pedler bold her he was an electric dog, and •tbe was fool enough to be’ieve it. I ■didn’t‘know bebrobow big a donkey my wife was until she began to think ttbat a 'dog'conld be made to run by •electricity. ’Whitt T want to know is iiow bo igefc bhat vitiiol out of his ear,

so he cau calm down ; but I reckon I’ll go to some fellow who don’t make a business of answering que.-tions," and the Flatlands man left without even smiling until he reached the sidewalk.

But the Questions man tore the covers off four lons of books, and rammed his bead against the wall, before he could act his mind in trim to explain to “constant reader" that Peter couldn’t walk on the water because he had corns.