PRIZE ESSAY ON POLICEMEN.

Dunstan Times, Issue 1003, 8 July 1881, Page 3

PRIZE ESSAY ON POLICEMEN.

Policemen is a superior class of mortals who walks slow and looks largo. They generally comes from the country, and is cnosen ’cos they is eddicated up to the knocker. When they comes from the country they is very poor, but in the town they soon becomes rich, and gets gold watches and chains, and rings, and things; and when a policeman he walks out'on a Sunday With his young 'ooriiau he is up to Dick, 'an 1 no mistake. , Policemen .takes/,garb of folks who is drunk, particular they takes care of drunk

folks’ money anil things, so as nobody carnt steal ’em ; which the folks who was drunk has no more trouble about ’em, seeing as how they never sees their money nor things uo more. Not likely j not if the policemen knows it. l

Policemen is called Bobbies ’cos they bobs their heads when a 'arf brick it is thrown at ’em, and cos they never will receive bobs from anybody. No, never? Well, hardly ever. In course not. What do you think ?

Policemen is also called peelers, cos they very soon peels the skin off your face with their trunchings, more 'specially if you happens not to be a-doin’ of uothink; which that is a actin’ fair between man and man, and makes everybody alike. Quite so. Etsketera.

Policemen comes into the Police Court in the mornin’, fit and well, and looks as if they would win a race some day—not a human race, which some policemen is most inhuman monstrosities in human shape. And carnt they swear dreadful? “Your wusshup, the defendant he were a-hlazin’ drunk, and intoxeroated, and speechless, and a-usin o’ obscene languidge ; which he were also sound asleep and insensible, and knocked me down twice and danced an Irish jig on my prosturat and lifeless body.”

Then his wusshup he says to the policeman, says he, “ 1 dosen’t recognise any marks o’ wiolence on your person.” Which the policeman he answers and says, “ Ah, your wusshipful lordship’s rivirence, I’m Oirish, and my skin heals like greased liteuing. My brother Pat had his leg knocked off at Donnyhrook, and it grew on again in less than a week.” And then his wusshup he says, “ You swear all you savs is true ?” And the bobby he says, “I’ll swear any mortal thing,” Then little Louis Lewis he comes forrard and says, “ You say you’ll swear as all you ’ave said are true ; now, will you bet that it are 2” “No. bedad,” says the Peeler. Then he stands down, and the defendant are fined 40 bob and costs; which it serves him right for bein’ out o' hia own wirtnous bed as late as 9 o’clock at night. Father, dear father, corns home, or you’ll a ketoh of it hot, I tell you. But which father he carnt come home, ’cos he’s beeu run in and locked up by a polieem in. A policeman, when he is very tired doing nothink, which it is v his duty to do so, he sees a child aaettiu’ at his mother’s door.au’ he seizes that child, an’ he carries it to the police station, an’ ho calls it a stray child. 'Then the mother she comes a-weepiu’ and a Bobbin’, and she thanks that good, kind, tender-hearted, feelin’ fatherly Bobby' for a kidnappin’ of her kid, which, she says, he will be rewarded hereafter. Let us hope so. Next day the child’s father he steals a barf a crown, and he offers it to that kind, Christian Peeler, which he refuses to take it, and Sir Fred Leighton he is sent for ami ordered to pai..t a historical pioter, entitled ‘‘Bobby refusin’ the harf-crown," to be placed across the roadway in front of the “S'ortin’ Times” Office to regerlate the traffic. And the good Christian Bobby lie are made a Gorumissiouer, and lives ’appy all his days. Policemen likes cooks and cooks likes policemen, ’cos policemen protects cooks from burglars, and noosepaper comps, going home in the mornin' before daylight does appear, which it hasn’t appeared for several days. Cooks gives policemen cold mutton, which they tells their missusses the cat stole it, which the missussea believe tire cooks—--1 don’t think.

Policemen likes strong drinks, but they never gets any, seeiu’ as how it are agin the regorlationa to given Bobby anythink when he are on dooty, which the Peeler wouldn’t take if a publican offered it to him—over the left

It in beautiful to see a policeman artistically a-acaiinin’ of the graceful proportions of the Temple Bar Gridin,while a boy is breakin’ off the base reliefs on the grdfin’s pedestal. It were ever thus in childhood’s days. Policemen has heyes like ’awka, aud aren’t they nuts on street ’awkers ?

In conclusion, if you was to ask me, 1 would say—Alius keep sweet with the press and the police. Amen.—ll, the Printers’ Devil of the London “ Sporting Times.’’