Literature.

Dunstan Times, Issue 993, 29 April 1881, Page 2

Literature.

ONE THING AND ANOTHER

Each sly Sarpjrado with hie poisonous pill Flics to the printer's itevil.—llouack -sum. ‘•The Land Question” has now been fairly placed before the public in karate and other-than rose-tinted light by Mr Vincent Pyke, and if his suggestions are not acted upon, the people will only have themselves to blame if the sqnatocrats again get possession of the Vans for their sheep for another period of ten years Mr Pyke is deserving of the public thanks t.f the colony for the manner in which he lias —and is—working up this matter, and his efforts deserve to he crowned with unlimited success. Those interested—and they comprise three-quarters of the population of the county—must aid him in his labors by every means in their power—not only with their tongues and hands, but with their pockets. Pecuniary assistance he requires and must have. No man could be expected to expend L2OO or LiiOO upon an object which is for the beoelit of all but the squatters. I hope the Land League Branches will thoroughly ventilate the matter, and raise the “spons” somehow, even if they have to go out on the Queen's highway and obtain it (to put it lightly) by simply presenting a piece of steel with ft hole in it at any persons they may fall in with. Putting jesting aside. I think the ( time really has coma for action. Parliament meets in June, so the electors hive not now much time in which to ventilate their grievance—the land quest! n. Electors, stand to your guns like in- u. Do nob swerve from your duty, hut meet yonr foes unflinchingly, and you will eventually win the battle. Some men have plenty of front, and some haven’t. Some people are singularly modest and reasonable in their transactions ; then, again, some are not. Others are darned idiots, while others are rogues. There are others, too, who resemble minutely that tender-hearted, worthy old fellow so ably depicted by Dickons in “The OM Curiosity Shop,” and known as Dan’l Quilp. Snodgrasses are, unfortunately, very rare, indeed. At a late meeting of th : Dunedin Land Board, the members there -i were rather startled and amused by a pr - posterons demand made to the Board, by Mr W. Mason, of Q icenstown, to “lease Lakes Wakatipu and Hayes, together with a few acres of land on their shores, for the purpose of fishing.” Fo r these concessions he would be quite willing to pay the magnificent >um of LlO for the first year, and increasing it at the rate of LlO per annum, thus making the rent L 101) the last year. You are quite too benevolent, William ! Mark, too, dear readers, the disinterested kindness and extreme modesty of -Mr M, in this extract from his letter 1 I do not make this proposition with any view t personal advantage, but simply for the purpose of establishing an industry whe-e it is very much required, and propose—should I obtain a icn-e to at once throw it open to a limited liability company.” Jes so, boss ! But I kinder reckon that the law relating ter trout-fishing will have to 1 e con siderably altered before a fishery can bo established at Queenstown. Anyhow, 1 can’t see why Mr Mason—or any other would-be public benefactor —should be permitted to take trout out of the lakes in a wholesale manner any more than myself. I calculate that W. M. is just the sort of min to make a “ rise ” in t ie world, but I don’t think, nohow, that'll be allowed by ! the Acoliimtisati-m Society to “make a I rise” by following the lucra’ive vocation : of—seller of luscious trout and tough eels.

“ T.’VJO, TJJo'h 1,100. nr 1,51 to lend, repayable liy 12, 24, 3l». 4J. or 6 ! l m mth’y instalment!), on -go id freehold security. Apply to Sally B ass ami Co.” Advertisements wonted as anove are to lie seen in nearly every paper in the co’ony ; and in no colony is this practice e.arrie • on to such an extent as it is in New Zealand. When I first landed here—l mean in New Zealand—my attention was immediately drawn to some of the ghari.no advertisements in the daily journals, notifying that Sn-and-Sohad a few thous n Is or so—evidently a mere bagatelle to the advertiser—to lend on “ goo I freehold or other security." I had a lawyer friend in Dunedin, and as he was advertising that he had 1,21>,0t)f) to lend or invest. I determined to mate an application to him for LSOO, and offer him “good security” for it t wended my way to the lawyer’s den, and on arrival the™ was immediately shown info what, the hoy called the “ hoffice ” 1 met with a kind greeting, and the usual congratulations an I compliments had been exchanged before I broached the subject of my visit. As 1 was making my request, however, I noticed that o’er the lawyer’s face came a stud- that was childlike and bland, supplemented by a merry twinkle in his optics. When 1 mentioned that I applied to him on the strength of his advertisement in the paper, he fairly roared again. “ Why. yon Johnny Greenhorn,” said he, “don’t you know that those advertisements are, as a rule, shams ? Why, rr.y boy, I haven’t 1,20 to bless myself with " And then it dawned upon my clouded intefocis lhat the “ good security ” notifications were simply draws. “ Don’t you see,” concluded my friend, “ the public see those notices and they say, ‘ By Jingo, that fellah’s got some sugar, so he must ho safe; we must take onr cases to him.’ And they do.” 1 left the office aviser than when I entered it. hut without the LSOO 1 had in view. Verily, the world is made up of shams and cruel, wicked deceptions !

That ancient individual who writes in the “ Otago Witness ” under the vom de. plume, of “ Civis ” has taken exception to the movement (initiated hy Mr Fyke) “intended to strike terror into the hearts of the squatters.” A vein of sarcasm runs through tlie whole paragraph relating to the land question, hut it is impossible to say whet her it is directed against the squatters themselves, or Mr Fyke. Anyhow, our member can afford to laugh at such foolish logic as “ Civis ” puts forward in the paragraph in question. If a public man was to take notice of all the idiotic notices and suggestions pointed to ami at him during his career, he would lie driven to madness by one and another. “Civis” had better refrain from referring to tbo movement i'question If be does not do so now, the “ time will come ” when tho squatters, their thnnderer and its scribes will have to “ give up tho ghost,” when there will he no 200,000 acre runs, and when “ Civis ” will he an inmate of ono of those Elysian establishments provided hy a paternal Government for deluded and idiotic beings—a Lunatic Asylum.

The difficulty of procuring good servants in this country is vastly greater even than in England. T was talking to a Dunedin friend, who told mo that it was a very raro thing to retain the services of a servant beyond two years. Mis wife, however, had one who lived with her two years and a half, and it would have taken much to part them ; hut shehad to go at last. “ And why?” asked I. “Did yon tire of her ;or did yon have another help in view?” “ Oh, no, it wasn’t that, but she did this—she boxed my wife’s cars.”

Tho 'individual popularly known as the editor of the “ Otago Daily Times ” is not a just or straightforward man. I was always under the impression that editors had a little manliness and unbiased fooling in their “composition,” but, alas, I find I am wrong. lam drawn into making these remarks Ly a letter which appeared in tho “ Morning Herald”—the best edited and only reliable daily journal in Otago—signed “Vincent Pyke.” It appears that tho Times’" editor fearfully mangled and distorted (I like to put it hot and strong) the report sent by Mr Fache of Mr Pyke’s eloquent address delivered at Clyde a week or two ago. To make matters worse, the editor of tho “ Times ” suppressed there, port (also sent by Mr Fache) of the unai i mous ami enthusiastic meeting of intelligent electors held at Alexandra. That Messieurs Fache and Pyko should write a disagreeable, indigestible, virtuously indignant epistlo to the “ Morning Herald ”re the mangled and suppressed reports ; and that the ediioro f the “Times" should be almost extirpated thereby, is not at nil a surprising or unexpected an occurrence. The e liter of tho “Times” attempted, last Saturday, to explain the cause of the reports being mangle i and suppressed, but I can’t, make head or tail of the explanation. He has scrambled out of the mud, and tumble I into the mire. For your own sake, Mr Editor, and that of your relatives 1 hope you’ll turn from the path of tho wickeddoer and become a—missionary or a lood preacner. Bememlier that there is no rest for the wicked, my son. A late telegram from Dublin says : “Miss Inna Parnell and Mrs Maria Sullivan are at the front, organising Women’s Land Leagues in Ireland.” That estimable and oft-times invaluable medium of the happiness of mankind in general must be a litt e beyond her depth as a Land Leaguer and an a Ivocate of the adjuncts of pitch forks, hay-knives, and other “agricultural implements of warfare.” Woman is a necessary appendage to a well-conducted household, but she mistakes her calling when sho attempts to meddle with that fire-brand, politics. As a doctor, she is a great boon to any community. The gentle creature’s services are indispensable at concerts, muffin struggles, ■church warmings, and religions revivals. But she is i" her proper sphere when scandalising, drinking weak tea, spanking her bairns, sewing buttons on her lord and master’s clothing, and broom-handling him when he is a little iha worse for drink Just fancy one of the frail creatures in an Irish fiee fight! Where would she ho ? Echo answers where ! A " feint ” would bo die result, and or course some other woman’s husband's manly breast to lay her head, on, and a neck around which to place her arms. Anna and Maiia. stay at home and make Scriptme quilts for the poor, or. make up crammers about your neighbors, but for Heaven’s sake leave stump speeches, lectures, and oiatorical efforts t . those who understand ’em—Captain VV. J. Barry, for instance. It is amusing to watch the rise of some people from the lowest to the highest stop of the social ladder- a point which a pleb. can always reach with the aid of money. Some plebeians, by a persistent drilling in private, manage to deport themselves correctly when in public ; but there are others in whom you might just as well try anil knock common sense as an idea of etiquette or the rudiments, even, of correct speaking. 1 knew an Irish lady in Victoria whose 1 sole ambition was to be Mayoress of the 1 town in which she resided. “ After years i of waiting,” her wish was gratified. Soon I after tho new Mayor had been installed in i office, it was officially announced that the I • lovertior intended to pay the town a visit, | and a, ball was got up for the occasion. The Mayoress was present, and looked hn- i mense in a el' Ting green costume. The ! < Livernor, noticing that she had not danced ; during the evenine, asked her if he might have the pleasure, etc “No, your ludship,” responded she; “I nivir darnce; bur. I’ll git ye a pro-t tte ” (She meant a “substitute”) His Excellency redred, disgusted with the Mayoress’s depravity. It strikes me very fircibly that Mr Vincent Pyke is never happy or in his native clement unless he is exterminating or “ wigging" somebody. It is only a few day’s ago that he “went for’’the “versatile” editor of a journal published at Queenstown. In thecourse of his remarks, he (Mr Pyke) said that a certain article emanated from the “ veal-stuffed head of the Wakatipu scribe.” Just so, Mr Pyke. ! Bat for all that, you needn’t have gone to the trouble of writing to a daily paper to siy that the “ eminent ” serbe of the “ Wakatio Mail” was a ■“calf.’ Tho man—l won’t say editor—who would tell such a falsehood about the V incont County and Council must not only be a calf (as you mildly insinuated) but an illiterate ass also ; and be devoid of the Lelings even of that renowned quadruped Eh-haw! Eh-haw! “Tho Ladies” is an inexhaustible subj vit for mand I hops that none of them will run away with the idea that I am a cynical old bachelor or have an object in view in “rating ” them. This time, though, I’m going to say something about servant girls - not ladies. We all know what an importunate and impudent hussy the average h»lp usually is, and what big ideas she has of herself and her rights. A few weeks since one of those helps gave her mistress no’ice of her intention to leave her service “Why a-e yon going to leave, Sarah Jane Eliza? Doesn’t the place suit you!” “Oh, yes, marm.” replied S. J, E., “but the rayson he’s that I karat get a swa'eheart ’ere, nor is there any daracin’ to lie had, so I’m going to . where there’s plenty ” The girl’s mistress (rie l to prevail upon her to stay, but it was no use. The girl was bent on going, and she. left. It was notified in the columns of Tub Times a we. k or two since that Mr Chantrey Han Is, the editor and proprietor of the “ X.Z Times.’' Wellington, had been twice most unmercifully hoaxed by some clever and unscrupulous erson. After tho second hoax had resid ed, it got abroad somehow or other that there was a bet of LlO on that the paper would be “ sold again ” within a week. Bare enough, two days afte' wards another “ soil ” appeared, this time in the advertising columns. It was headed, “Bargains to suit The Times,” and eonchided by saying, “ Address Seller, office of this paper ” The notice purported to ho a list of articles which a gentleman wished to disposenf. On reading down the initial letters of the items in the list, however, the readers once more had the idiot,icy of Chant.rey prominently brought, under their notice through the medium of his own paper. The author of the allusions richly deserves the money he has won by betting on “ the events.” NEMESIS. “ It is impossible,” says tho “ Oamaru Mail,” to believe that all the burnings of grain and stacks have been tho result of accident ” Wo have read a letter from a teacher who wields the ferule on a thinly populate! gold field, and ho mournfully writes Were it not for my garden, I think I would verily go mad.’’