The Traveller.

Dunstan Times, Issue 989, 1 April 1881, Page 3

The Traveller.

FROM WELLINGTON TO CLYDE.

Having lately lost ray situation through the stupid retrenchment policy of the Government now in powei-,and seeing before me “ no visible means of support ” (to quote the oft-repeated charge laid by the police against beggars and loafers), I determined to “ bump my drum,” leave the Enipii e City, and syek fresh fields and pastures new,even though I should be so unfortunate as to incur the displeasure of the myrmidons of the law beomse of being one of those importunate unemployed. With the object aforesaid of leaving Wellington, I disposed of my goods and chattels, which consisted of a tin whistle, a concertina which had seen better days, an umbrella full of rents, and a one-legged stool; paid my beer score at the pub. round the corner, and then, after having made my blankets into a swag resemb ing “ a new chum’s bundle,” I made tracks for the wharf. Perhaps, though, some of the readers of The Times would like to make a “ short tower of the city with me,” as ray irrepressible friend Chas. Robinson would say. Well, 1 shall be most happy to oblige those persons and show them the lions of the pdaco. Wellington—or the Empire City of New Zealand, as its inhabitants have the unblushing effrontery to call it—is supposed to bo the principal city of the colony. Certainly, it has good grounds for claiming for itself that I envied distinc l iou. A Wcllingtonian om beat a Canterbury man hollow at 1 tolling lies, drawing the long bow,

swearing, raising Ires, chewing tobacco, praying, and singing Sankey and Moodys’ hymns ; and I think that the citizens who possess to perfection the virtues I have enumerated deserve to have reserved to themselves any title they like. Considering, too, shat our legislators (Heaven bless ’em !) annually help to squander there about *IOO,OOO on champagne suppers, beer’, cigars, etcetera, I don’t think any one would be so foolish as to covet the Wellingtonians’ pet name for their city. Do not the law-givers— Stay, my pen, or else you will involve mein trouble !

lam digressing. First of all we shall pay a visit to the massive Government Building, which is supposed to be the largest wooden structure in the world. It is about seven stories high, and I should estimate its height from roof to cellar to be about ICOft. It is built upon the reclaimed land,and faces Government House. I found this latter circumstance very handy for the clerks, as they could easily carry on a flirtation with the girls at the house. The Government Building ■ when lighted up at night looks magnificent, and seen at a distance it looks as if it were encircled by a large belt of fire. A large number of clerks, etc,, is employed in the Government Building, and their employments exceed in number the sands of the sea-shore. We’ll step inside and see what they do when the heads of the departments are away. As we reach the hall door we are met by a porter, who enquires oar business. His plausible manner cannot deceive us, and we know that unless we grease his hand with a little money we will not get civility even. We tip him a shilling, and soon we’re behind the scenes. One clerk is picking his teeth ; another paring his nails, while a third is scratching his pate. Someone is whistling “ We shall meet at that beautiful board” ; the junior oliice-boy is making sails for a boat, and Ids worthy companion is walking on his hands across the office table. There is only one quiet youth in the office, and he is boring a hole in the new clerk’s chair. After a hole is bored in the bottom of the chair, he drops a needle through it, fastens it securely, and attaches a piece of cotton to the needle. The cotton is then taken underneath the table, and fastened to the window-ledge. Presently the occupier of the chair sits down on it, but he gets out of it again quicker than he got in it. The needle had evinced a desire to become acquainted with the clerk, so buried itself in a fleshy part of his back. By occupations such as these ihe clerks manage to kill time ; but they soon change their attitudes should the word be passed that “Old Nosey or Dingoe was coming,” and those holy, virtuous, goo 1 (for nothing) youths manage to be hard at work on Nosey’s entrance.

Jfc is interesting to watch the clerks as they leave the office for the day. It is also interesting to note their style of dress, etc. One affects the. chimney-pot, another the stiff cady, a third the soft, fe't, while those of effeminate appearance wear the Tara o’ Shunter cap, now much worn by the ladies. These latter fellows look more like monkeys than men, and if they could see themselves as others see them I Hi mid not he at all surprised if they uc epted the advice proffered to two or tl v;e of their number by a larrikin “To go an’ slick their ugly faces on the town clock, and ’ire a lot o’ boys to throw mud at ’em.” I must not, however, allow my pen to get envemaned. Being a Christian, I must avoid scurrility. Speaking seriously, I think that one-half, at least, of the Government clerks in Wellington are not required. If the Government sacked a few of them, thou we could believe that they are earnest in their expressed intentions to keep down expenses. The clerks are made keep good time, but what is the good of making them crane down punctually if they are not made work when they are there k Speaking of the Civil Service reminds me of what Mr John Lundon, M.H.R., said a! out it last session. When alluding to the Government clerks—he not inappropriately termed them fops and loafers—he said rather than see “ His bhoysin tbe sarvice be would make them dig praties all their lives. The clerks,” he said, “ lived beyond their means, and as a rule they were a dissipated lot,” I remember hearing a very good story told auent the retrenchment policy of Government. Chas. Quill, a scribbler in the Sealing Wax Department, and getting £156 n-year, throw up his billet. His next sten was to apply to tbe head of the Red T ipo Department for a situation. “ I haven’t a vacancy,” replied the obliging head, “but I’ll tell you what I’ll do—l’ll manufacture you a position. I’ll appoint you ‘ chief measurer of red tape ’ in my department, and you’ll make out your vouchers for £250 a-yoar.” Thai's the way the money goes ! If expenses were curtailed in the Civil Service, then Government would not have had to impose a tax of 6d extra upon telegrams sent in towns represented in Parliament by persons opposed to their creed. Still I digress, courteous readers. I do not generally meddle with “ polly- . ticks,” but when I came to think of the waste of public money daily occur* ; ring in Wellington, I could not refrain , from letting off a little gas.

Leaving the Government Building, wo turn our s'eps towards the museum. The collection of minerals, animals, etc, is a very poor one. It is worth visiting, however, if only to watch the movements of the guardians of the place. Directly a youth dares to touch a waddy or a spear, he is taken by the neck and run out of the museum. Perhaps they mistrust the youngsters, and think that, as they (the guardians) would not have thought twice about robbing museums when they were boys, the Wellington youths are in the habit of doing ditto. My candie is exhausted, my pen splutters, and I can see nought but empty air in the beer jug, so I must draw this effusion to a close; but my dear readers need not despair, as they will hear from me again next Friday. TaSMAN.